wornoutat50 Ramblings of a senile woman

Menopause

2010-04-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

Twenty or thirty years ago the topic of menopause was not brought up and even in this day and age many women view menopause as an end to life as she knows it. When girls are taught sex education in school menopause is rarely mentioned as if it is some dirty little secret. Menopause does not have to be an end to life, but rather, it can be seen as the beginning of a new stage of your life with more freedom than ever before if you face it with a positive outlook. For once you have reached menopause you no longer have to worry about messy periods or unwanted pregnancies, on the upside, but on the downside you become a dried out old prune with loss of libido, greying and falling hair, week brittle bones and in the beginning stages, mood swings which have your family hiding in dread. After going through menopause myself it brings to mind a joke I once read, “Why do they call it menopause?” “Because mad cow disease was already taken.”

Menopause is the time in a woman’s life when her reproductive years come to an end with the average woman going through menopause around the age of fifty one. As menopause nears, the ovaries produce less estrogens and the first sign is a change in your menstrual cycle. You can experience a heavier or lighter flow, bleeding can last for shorter or longer periods of time or skipping one or more periods. At some point the ovaries slow in the production of estrogens and this causes periods to stop. Lower amounts of estrogens will cause changes in the body over time as well, such as overall weight gain, unwanted facial hair and a pot belly that would make Santa envious. Menopause is different for every woman; some will notice little change while some may find it difficult to cope and will want to kill anything that crosses her path.

The most common symptom of menopause is hot flashes. Around seventy five percent women experience them. They can occur at any time day or night. They can be mild or severe and can come several times a month or several times a day. They can disrupt sleep patterns, making it difficult to fall asleep or finding yourself waking in the wee hours of the morning drenched in sweat. While other people around you may be freezing you will be hot and sweaty and find yourself wearing shorts and singlet in the middle of winter. Once the flash has passed you will start to freeze with the rest and pile on layers of clothing. You may find yourself changing clothes several times a day. Lack of sleep may become one of the biggest problems during this time, it’s no wonder many women become grouchy.

Changes in the vagina also take place as the lining becomes thin and dry causing painful intercourse. The vaginal area will also be more prone to infection. Urinary tract infection is also common and women who have gone through menopause may be more susceptible. Bone loss is normal but the rate of bone loss increases after menopause which can result in osteoporosis. Bones of the hip, wrist and spine are affected the most and with increasing bone loss the risk of breaking bones is higher. With fewer estrogens produced women are also more prone to heart attack and stroke.

Menopause can be an emotional time for some women and many suffer from mood swings and feelings of stress. Some women will have less interest in sex during this time as lower oestrogen levels decrease sex drive and cause vaginal dryness. Some on the other hand are not affected sexually at all. Lubricants can be used to help remedy dryness. Orgasm can be difficult to achieve or may take longer than previously.

In order to stay healthy during menopause eating a well balance diet is important. Eat a low fat, low cholesterol diet. Fat intake should be only thirty percent of your daily calorie intake. Calcium rich foods should be included to maintain strong bones. Women aged fifty one and older who, are not taking hormone replacement, need at least one thousand five hundred mg per day. Women who are using hormone replacement therapy need one thousand mg per day. As your body can only absorb five hundred mg at a time calcium supplements should be taken in two doses. Calcium rich foods are yogurt, cheese, other dairy products, oyster, sardines, and canned salmon and dark green leafy vegetables. Calcium cannot be absorbed without vitamin D. Milk fortified with vitamin D is one of the best sources. Getting adequate sunlight will help or you can take vitamin D supplements. Recommended daily requirement is ten micrograms per day for women aged fifty one or older. Eat fruit and vegetables and whole grain cereals high in vitamin C and carotene such as grapefruit, oranges, carrots, winter squash, tomatoes, broccoli and cauliflower. These are a good source of vitamins, minerals and dietary fibre. Avoid salt, salt cured and smoked foods such as sausages, smoked fish, ham, bacon, bologna and hot dogs. High salt intake can lead to high blood pressure. Avoid food and drinks with processed sugar as they contain empty calories and add excess weight.

Exercise is important as you get older. Regular exercise slows down bone loss and improves heart health as well as overall health and mood. A woman who is sedentary may suffer from heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and osteoporosis as well as back pain, stiffness, insomnia, weak muscle, shortness of breath and depression can set in. Walking, jogging, aerobics, swimming, biking and dance are all good exercise for the menopausal woman. Staying active helps to improve your outlook on life.

Hormone Replacement therapy can be useful when you are going through the change, according to some doctors; others claim that clinical trials have shown that HRT causes cancer. With this in mind many drug companies have come out with herbal remedies to combat the symptoms of menopause. The decision to use HRT should be discussed with your doctor but in my opinion HRT only delays the inevitable. We all grow old and as Joan Rivers once joked, “The secret to anti-aging is to die young.”

The Older Woman

2010-04-14T00:51:00.000-07:00

You see it all the time, the fat, balding, aging man dating or having an affair with a twenty something year old girl. Yes at that age they are still girls who are frivolous and haven’t really lived much of their life. They are full of insecurities and need constant reaffirmation that you love them and that they are beautiful. The woman in her twenties does not fully trust her man and is forever questioning his were abouts and what he’s been up to. She’ll never trust that you’ve been hanging out with your buddies having a few drinks and shooting the shit. Sure you look at other girls, surreptitiously, when you are with her and openly ogle them when you’re with your friends, after all it’s a guy thing that a twenty something year old girl will never understand. In her mind you have her so why do you need to look at another hot chick.

A woman over thirty is a different kettle of fish all together. We’re psychic, we know you look at other women and we also know what you’ve been up to. We can see it in your face every time. You’ll never have to tell us about your multitude of indiscressions and we wouldn’t hesitate to shoot you if we could get away with it, but since we can’t we have other ways of making you pay. We can praise you lavishly even when it’s not deserved or we can tear you to the ground. We know what it’s like to be unappreciated. We don’t lay awake at night and wonder what you’re thinking about because frankly speaking we don’t give a crap. We know there isn’t much going on in that mind of yours and we’d rather get our sleep anyway. If you want to watch sports or play your games, go ahead we won’t bitch about it, we can find something else to do that is much more rewarding and fulfilling.

We don’t care what you think about us or what we are doing. We are self assured enough to know what we want and when we want it. We don’t need your reassurance. Even if we don’t trust you we will still introduce you to our girlfriends because we know they will not betray us. Dining out with us is pleasant because we won’t start a brawl with you in the middle of a restaurant. We’re dignified and wise enough to know that the silent treatment cuts deeper. Women over thirty are more honest and will surely tell you what an ass you’ve been if need be. We don’t pull punches and we can take as good as we give without breaking down in tears. Women over the age of thirty are sexier. By this time we have reached our sexual peak, we know what we want in bed and we know what you want. We don’t need to fake orgasm and if it wasn’t enjoyable we’ll let you know. We want to be pleasured as much as you want to be please.

If you decide you want to go out with your friends for a little male bonding, please do. We won’t stop you or whine about it or insist on going with you because we know that the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true as does “familiarity breeds contempt”. The same goes for” out of sight out of mind” because we surely do not sit and think about you every minute of the day. We need our space as much as you need yours and we don’t want you breathing down our necks all the time.

Into Each Life

2010-04-12T00:21:00.000-07:00

Into each life a little rain must fall. Of course we know that this little saying means that no one’s life is ever smooth sailing. During our lifetime we all have our ups and downs, there are the good times and there are bad times and so we all must suffer through the bad before we can enjoy the good. Unfortunately my life is full of more bad then good.

Take for instance my car. Grant you the car is old but I cannot afford to replace it just yet, hopefully in a year or so but not now. Last week while driving home my car started to make a high pitched squealing noise and since that was a Friday night I figured I’d take it into the shop the next day, a Saturday. When I first heard the noise I thought it was someone else’s car but as I pulled away from the toll the noise was not getting lower but remained the same. I turned off the radio to listen more carefully and sure enough it was my car damn it! After driving a few hundred yards the noise stopped but almost halfway home it started again. I knew then that I had better have it checked.

The next day I got my car into the shop early and after checking the mechanic told me it was the alternator belt. It took them an hour and a half to change the damn thing and once they were done I noticed the mechanics talking to each other and pointing at my engine. To me this is not a good thing so when one of the mechanics approached me I knew that something else was wrong. Sure enough the mechanic informed me that the alternator was crooked and he couldn’t straighten it, there was a screw missing and a metal cylinder which should be part of the alternator was missing. I had changed it a little over a year ago and had not had any problems and now the mechanic was telling me it needed changing again. The last time I had changed it I had gotten a second-hand one and was charged $280.00 and there was only a five month warranty. This repair had been done at another shop at which I suspected the mechanic there was ripping me off. Not surprising he was, when I asked this mechanic how much to replace it he said $118.00 for a brand new one. Once my car was done the mechanic told me that my car was leaking oil and also asked when was the last time I changed my timing belt. He told me I needed to wash my engine before he could check where the leak was coming from. I didn’t think it was too bad so I told him I would wash it and bring it back in for him to check, as for my timing belt I had to check my shit load of previous bills to find out when it was last changed.

So this past Saturday I dutifully washed my engine and took it back. Half way there the damn car stalled and I had trouble starting it. Managed to get it to the shop and told the mechanic what had happened and that the timing belt was last changed in 2007 so that had to be changed as well. He looked around and then informed me I would have to leave it at the shop for a few days because they would have to take the engine apart to check. I guess you can’t expect much from a twelve year old car which has been pretty good up till now. I left it there and today it is ready. I just went to collect it and the bill came to a whopping $2000.00 for repairs. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream but all I could do was laugh, hysterically I might add. Thank god for credit cards. The engine looks like new engine, my clutch is loose the way it should be, they washed my car and polished the wheels and best of all they screwed up the rear fender which was about to drop off.

Yep into each life a little rain must fall, but in my life there always seems to be a typhoon. If it’s not teenager problems its car problems, nothing ever seems to go smoothly. No wonder I drink. A wise Chinese fortune teller once told me that according to the life lines on my hand I would have to work my whole life. A few years later the lines had changed and he told me that once I reached the age of fifty my life would be easier. This year I’ll be fifty two, I’m still waiting!

The Birds

2010-03-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

They started building their nest at the beginning of February, just outside my front door, in the pie shaped ledge at the top of the cylindrically pillar which holds up my car porch. The pair worked diligently for about two weeks and then they disappeared. I thought they had decided not to nest there as a few years previously another pair of swallows had started to build a nest in the same spot only to abandon it half way through. The reason for the abandonment I’m not too sure about but I suspect it was due to the heavy traffic which goes through my front door on a daily basis, human, dogs and cats. Eventually the abandoned nest was taken down and all that was left was the mud stains on the newly painted corner.

They came back two weeks later. I spotted the mother sitting on the nest. Day in day out she sat there leaving it only temporarily to look for food. My cat had spotted her and made it her mission to piss off the bird on daily basis by jumping up on the wall that separates my house from my neighbours. The pair of them would make a hell of a lot of noise while diving at the cat. Whenever I heard them I would run outside and throw the cat off the wall and chase her away. I think the little birds realized that I was their ally and weren’t much afraid of me.

Another two weeks went by and I noticed a couple of egg shells lying in the driveway so I knew there had to be at least two baby chicks. A few weeks went by where I witnessed the mother and father coming and going with insects to feed the hatchlings. The cat of course still pestered them and of course I kept chasing her away. Towards the end of these two weeks I noticed little heads popping up every time food arrived and now as they grow larger and larger everyday a cacophony of chirping can be heard every time one of the parents come back to the nest with a nice juicy bug. I had first thought that there were only three but last week I notice a distinct fourth tiny head popping up much smaller than the rest. I figure it must be the runt.

The cat kept on terrorizing the parents and finally one day last week I got pissed and sprayed the cat with the hose. Since then I have not noticed her jumping on the wall but all it takes is for her to lie in the driveway to get the birds upset. The mother during these times will sit outside my door chirping loudly to get my attention. Once I chase the cat away all is quiet once again.
The birds should be leaving the nest pretty soon. They are quite large now, too large to hide in the nest. They sit in the nest with their tiny heads resting along the edge. In my mind I refer to them as eeny, meeny, miny and moe. They are constantly chirping although when danger is lurking I have observed the mother loudly chirping and her offspring will hunker down tightly together and keep ever so quiet until the coast is clear.

I love to stand just inside my door and observe the birds; it calms me and gives me peace of mind as well as makes me realize how wonderful and amazing life can be. Every now and then I have a chuckle at their little heads with down feathers standing on end and their overly large yellow beaks constantly open waiting for food to drop in from manna. I’ll be sad when they leave but that’s all a part of life’s cycle. My only worry now is when they start to fly; my fear is the damn cat will catch one of them in their ungainly flight. Hopefully I’ll be around to protect them.

The Hair Cut

2010-03-11T23:29:00.000-08:00

I have always been pretty particular about my hair, not because I studied hairdressing at one time; I mainly put it down to my OD. Yes I am slightly obsessive about certain things and one of them is my hair. I must wash, dry and style my hair everyday and the only time that doesn’t happen is when I am too sick to get out of bed, and that does not happen. I cannot stand it when my hair gets too long and hangs in my eyes, the worst is when I wash and dry my hair in the morning, I want the style to last the whole day and when it doesn’t I get pissed. Once it gets too long nothing will keep that hair standing in the spiky style I like.

So the other day I realized my hair was getting too long as it was flopping all over the place. The morning I decided to cut my hair I washed it then headed over to my hair stylist. I go to the same hairdresser all the time as he speaks English. Over the years I have had some pretty hoarky hair cuts because after living in Malaysia for twenty eight years I still do not have a very good grasp of Hokkien or Malay. I know shame on me but this article is not about my lack of communicating skills. It has taken me years to find a hairdresser who cuts my hair the way I like it and speaks English so I can explain what I want.

Upon reaching the salon at almost eleven o’clock in the morning I saw that they weren’t open yet which pissed me off. After all I want to cut my hair; you’re supposed to be open at ten o’clock where the hell you are. Disappointed I go home again and wait. At twelve o’clock I go back and I am told by the kid who washes hair that Denis is not there yet and probably won’t be there until three o’clock. By now I am ready to blow a gasket because one of my quirks is that when I decide to do something I want to do it then and there and this sometimes gets me into trouble, but hey what can I say. So I decided to go to my son Justin’s hairstylist, the one he calls Hoaray (inside joke), when I go and fetch my youngest son Jordan, home from school.

I pick my son up and ask him if he can wait while I cut my hair, he’s thinking I’m going to my usual hairstylist which is close to home so he says he’ll walk back from there. I inform him that I am going to Hoaray’s so he says he would like to sit with his friends, at the mamak stall I picked him up from and wait. Fine by me. I leave him there and drive off the hairdresser’s shop which is not far away. I get to the salon and Hoaray tells me he can cut my hair straight away. I have had my haircut by him before but stopped going to him because 1) he is irritating, insisting on cutting your hair the way he wants and 2) he doesn’t speak English. I sit in the chair and he gets on with it, He’s like Edward Scissor hands, he has a shaver in one hand and a comb in the other and the next thing I know hair is flying. As he cuts my hair we have a weird conversation, weird because I am speaking English and broken Hokkien and he is speaking broken English and Hokkien. Through the conversation I gather that he knows my son Justin, cuts his hair and says that my son looks like me oh and he also tells me he knows how I like my hair cut. Once he is done with the electric shaver he grabs the scissors and once again hair is flying all over the place and within ten minutes I am done. He asks the girl to rinse my hair and dry it. Once that is done he checks my hair and cuts a little more where it is uneven and once he is satisfied he applies gel and spikes my hair. I pay him and leave.

I arrive back at the mamak where my son is and honk. He comes running and climbs in the car. As he settles he looks at me and says “What the hell did you do to your hair!” “It’s shorter than mine.” My kids have potty mouth as my sister Angela would say, can’t blame them they learned from the best, me. I learned from my mother how to cuss but I have to admit that as my mother aged she cleaned up her act, probably because she hung around with a better class of people. As for me I still cuss. He’s right though my hair is short in fact it is as short as Justin’s. I think Hoaray was thinking about his hair style when he cut my hair. It’s ok though, it will grow and with the weather being so hot lately I feel so much cooler. The downside is I look like a man with boobs but hey at least it’s not a faux hawk!

Growing Old

2010-03-08T00:22:00.001-08:00

As we grow older it is hoped that through experience we gain wisdom and are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of our past. When we make mistakes in our younger years we usually learn from those mistakes and move on but to make the same mistakes in our old age, we are considered old fools. Hopefully with our experiences we can steer our children in the right direction, unfortunately it’s not always the case, because the young are conceited enough to think they know everything and don’t need our advice. As I have grown older I have found that it is easier to let children fall on their faces and just be there to help pick them up, dust them off to start all over again.

The best things about growing old are many, such as being in a position to tell your kids I told you so with a smirk on your face. Growing old allows us to stop and smell the roses and pick a few, if no one is looking. If caught we can always claim insanity. We can now pursue our own interests without someone thinking we are silly or frivolous. We don’t care what anyone thinks. We are not interested in climbing up the career ladder, because by the time we hit our old age we are either there already, retired or do not care enough to climb the slippery slope anymore. We do not need to reflect on the past, as we know we cannot change it or second guess our selves because it’s too late anyways.

As we grow older we learn that money isn’t everything, unless you have no health insurance and need to be admitted to hospital. All we really need is the love and respect of our children. We do not need a lot of things or the latest gadgets. Half the time we don’t know how to use those new confounding gadgets anyway. All we need is a roof over our heads, food on the table and a pillow to rest our heads on at night. Hopefully we can sleep.

As we grow older we can say something one day and forget about it the next day, claiming we are suffering from premature Alzheimer’s. Whether you actually forgot is a moot point, you can always say you forgot rather than admit that you have simply changed your mind because you had been drunk when you had agreed to let your kid do something. You can keep on telling the same boring stories over and over again just to bug your kids. As we grow older we can stop sweating the small stuff, because we realize that life is too short to worry about it and we’ll just worry ourselves into an early grave.

Growing old allows us to have more me time, we don’t have to put others before ourselves anymore. We can say what we want, no matter how outrageous and get away with it because we are considered senile by the young anyways. We can dress to please ourselves and not have to care whether we look hot or not, because we have lost interest in men. We no longer need them or want them around because they are more needy then children and without men around we have more peace of mind.

If we are lucky enough we will have grandchildren. We can love them and spoil them in a way we would never have done to our children and once they start whining and crying, we can pass them pack to their parents. We can sit on the sidelines and watch as our children raise their children and make the same mistakes and listen to them as they bitch about how rotten their kids are and as we listen we can snidely think to ourselves “payback time!”

The Most Thankless Job

2010-03-07T01:07:00.000-08:00

Parenting is the most thankless job in the world. Yes it is a job and your job scope changes on a daily basis. From the moment of conception you tell yourself that you will be a perfect mother. You go out and buy books to read up on parenting. Every ones parenting style differs, and you tell yourself you will never be like your mother. Then the bubble bursts when that squalling little thing is placed in your arms, you panic and wonder what the hell you have gotten yourself into. By time the next child comes, you find yourself building a bonfire using all those parenting books.

From the beginning your patience is tested on a daily basis and there are some days you think you might lose your sanity. From the incessant crying in the middle of the night to the toddler stage where you are defied every step of the way. A nice little tap on the butt is the only way to handle things and you’re the one who ends up crying. You spanked your child and feel really guilty. All through the years of development into the teenage years, the yelling the screaming the whining (all yours) is enough to have you running to the doctor for Prozac and one day you realise that, damn somewhere along the way you have turned into your mother. The temper tantrums in the grocery store have you hiding amongst the vegetables pretending it’s not your kid. Then one morning you wake up and look in the mirror and wonder who that wild eyed, wild haired woman is only to realize it’s you. You used to be such a sharp dresser and you had a career but now your attire of choice is mom jeans and your husband’s faded out shirts. Your career has gone down the crapper and turned into a life sentence. You begin to realize that this is the craziest job that you ever took on, no pay, no appreciation, long hours and it lasts a life time.

You muddle along hoping you have not caused irreparable damage to your kid, in fact you are the one who has been damaged, realising this as you find yourself lying on the floor in a foetal position blubbering to yourself and that man you fell in love with, well you’d just like to give him a good kick in the nuts. All your good intentions of yesteryear fade away and you hope your kid would hurry up and finish school and go to college, but wait, how are you going to pay for college? That bank account you opened for your kid, well you’ll be lucky if you save enough to buy text books for college, never mind tuition fees. Then one day the worst happens, that happy go lucky child you brought into the world has become a sullen teenager who slinks away to their room and becomes uncommunicative and everything you do is lame. They start using a language you don’t understand and the cell phone becomes an extension of their hand. You take your kid shopping for clothes because they insist they have nothing to wear and you realize that your kid’s jeans cost more than your whole outfit. Hell the price of your kid’s jeans is enough to feed a starving third world country for goodness sakes. Any real conversation with your kid during this time always starts with “I dunno, can you drive me to the mall?” When you have the audacity to say no it’s either an argument or a look and if looks could kill you’d surely keel over dead. There are days when after a round with your teenager they threatened to run away from home, you offer to pack their bags. Everyday there’s a minor war going on in the house. Either between you and your kid or your kid and their siblings and you have to wade in like a trooper to get things under control to make sure they don’t destroy the house or kill each other. Your peace and quiet is a thing of the past and you find yourself wishing they’d hurry up and grow up and move out of the house.

Then when things have quieted down you pour yourself a good stiff drink trying to get to the happy place, which you find yourself doing more often. You sit and ponder and wonder why the hell you didn’t opt to have sterilisation. After a while as the alcohol slowly takes hold you begin to think clearly and realize they will never, ever leave you.

Cleaning My Clothes Closet

2010-02-22T23:06:00.000-08:00

One of the things I hate the most doing is cleaning out my clothes closet. It was supposed to have been done before the beginning of the Chinese New Year and of course it didn’t get done. Since I did not have to go and look after my baby granddaughter, Dallas, today I decided to take the bull by the horns and get it done. I figured I would need about two large garbage bags to load everything into and after I would take it to some recycling bin. I had four bags.

My closet was loaded with clothes I had worn to work and no longer wear because 1) I no longer work and 2) I have gained weight since I stopped working. I have gained at least fifteen pounds. Although I am not overweight the clothes in my closet are in much smaller sizes. I even had clothes inside which I brought with me to Malaysia twenty eight years ago. Hey they were expensive and over the years I did not have the heart to throw them out but today was the day, I was merciless.

Why I have a tendency to collect so many clothes over the years is beyond me. Most are not worn and just hang there taking up space. I have to admit that any clothes that are given to me by my children as gifts will hang in my closet for years even if I no longer wear them or even like them. To me any gift from my children is to be cherished. After all they buy me gifts out of love and to throw these things away is like not having any appreciation for the love they show you. My drawers were once full of drawings, cards and other little pieces of useless knick knacks bought for me by my children. A few years ago I finally managed to let go and throw most of them away as my drawers were becoming too full and so it is the same with my clothes closet, I had no more hangers left and the clothes I had bought for the Chinese New Year were haphazardly thrown over the baby’s crib that is in my room.

This morning after my shower I got down to it with gusto. Out went all the slacks and jeans that I could no longer pull over my enlarged ass. Blouses, sweater and shirts which could no longer be pulled or buttoned over my sagging belly went. Shorts and tank tops which were too small or so old that they looked like rags were thrown out. Dresses, skirts and a few Baju Kebya’s and Kurungs (Malay Traditional costumes) were all thrown out. Other useless junk was thrown out as well along with faded out bed sheets I no longer use. Everything went and by time I was finished I had so many hangers left, well I just don’t know what to do with them and my closet is now so empty I have nothing to wear.

That’s ok though at least there is space in my closet now and over the next few years or so I’m sure those hangers will become full once again. There will be plenty more birthdays, Christmas’s, Mother’s Days and Chinese New Years that will warrant the buying of new clothes. There will undoubtedly be many more shopping trips where I will buy new clothes and probably a few years down the road I will take a look in my clothes closet and discover there is another load of clothes that no longer fit my growing ass.

Family Portrait Day

2010-02-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday we had another family photo day. Since Jade was home from Singapore and Alex’s dad was around we decided to get it done while everyone was home for the Chinese New Year. These days it’s pretty difficult to get everyone together. Dallas Rose, the princess of the two families, is growing and changing daily so it is important to get those pictures while we can.

The appointment with the photographer was for four thirty in the afternoon and Dawn informed us not to be late. (Hahahahaha)!!! My family, of course, can never be on time for anything, and true to form we were late, although I have to say this time around we were only about ten to fifteen minutes late. Alex’s dad was later then us. When Dawn and Alex got married the mother of the bride and family were one hour late. Frankly speaking it’s not me. I’m always ready on time and I’m the one that has to sit around sweating in the Malaysian heat waiting for everyone else to get ready. By the time my family is ready to go my makeup is running down my face. It’s a good thing that my eyes don’t sweat because my mascara would be running down my face pooling around my chin. Such is my family. So as usual I was ready on time yelling at everyone to hurry up. Justin decided to go for a haircut and because the hairdresser just only opened after the long Chinese New Year holiday there were a lot of people and he had to wait. Robyn and Jordan were ready on time and of course Jade, well it takes her an hour to put on makeup that gives her a natural look.

We arrived en mass at the photographers. This pictures colour scheme was white shirts and jeans. Even Dallas Rose had on a pair of jeans and a white t shirt. Alex’s dad, being from another era and generation, doesn’t own a pair of jeans, so he wore navy slacks and a white shirt. When we arrived the session had begun with Dallas sitting in a white flower pot with strawberries on her head. She was so adorable, smiling all the while for her pictures. Next she had purple flowers on her head, then she was in a cooking pot surrounded by vegetables wearing a chef’s hat and then the photo I have wanted most of all, Dallas wearing angel wings. After the single poses of Dallas the family got together and we proceeded with the family portraits, all of us with Dallas, then Alex and his dad with Dallas and then my family with Dallas. By time an hour had gone by Dallas was tired and cranky and didn’t want to smile anymore not to mention that we had gone over our time slot and another couple wanted their turn. They were having a closed session. The wife was pregnant with their first so I am assuming they maybe wanted some nude shots of the wife, who knows. Anyways the way I look at it we were there first so tough titty wait your turn. But no they asked us to come back. Oh well Dallas was tired anyways and as soon as she was put in her stroller she fell asleep. All the smiling makes for a sleepy baby.

By this time it was six pm so we decided to have dinner. We ended up in Dragon i probably one of the most expensive Chinese Food places around. After dinner we went back to the photo studio and finished our session. I wanted pictures taken of Dallas and only I and I also wanted a picture of my five lovely off spring. There has not been a picture taken of them all together since before their father died so now was the chance. So there they all posed, one in clown hair, one in witches hat and a boa, one in a court jesters hat and boa, one in a pirate hat and one in a fireman’s hat. My two sons were holding plastic props; Justin had an axe and Jordan had a sword and they proceeded to pose as if they were stabbing their sisters as well as other ridiculous poses. I finally got them to take off the crap and pose nicely and I hope there are a few nice pictures of my lovely children. Alex asked me to sit with the kids and have one done and so I did. I hope they turn out well but knowing my kids there will be one of me smiling happily while my children make funny faces at me behind my back.

Chinese New Year

2010-02-18T01:04:00.000-08:00

Once again Chinese New Year is here. Today is the fifth day of the New Year but in actual fact this blog was supposed to have been posted a few days before the first day. As usual I got a little behind with my New Year preparations and found myself running around like a mad woman trying to clean the house, buy new clothes for the kids and I as well as the drinks and titbits. This year we got lucky as my son won five cases of beer from Heineken so I did not have to go on my yearly search for places selling beer at the lowest price. Chinese New Year just isn’t New Year without beer. On the first three days of Chinese New Year I am allowed to sit and sip beer all day long without the disapproving looks of my eldest son. I love beer unfortunately it has two nasty side effects, bloated belly and nasty beer farts. But enough about me and my love of beer time to get back to the topic at hand.

While Chinese New Year is not a traditional celebration for me it became a tradition when I married my husband and moved to Malaysia. Early Chinese New Year celebrations sucked big time but once I moved into my own home I began to enjoy it and look forward to it and so I find myself cleaning house every year, buying new clothes and preparing ang pao for family and visitors. In the old days Chinese woman would spend a few months baking traditional cookies and cakes for guest when came visiting, now with many woman working the traditional New Year goodies are store bought making everyone’s life easier.

Out with the old and in with the new is the philosophy behind Chinese New Year. Chinese New Year is celebrated around the world by the Chinese for fifteen days. In the old days small businesses and shops would shut their doors for the full fifteen days. Since the Chinese never took a break from work this was the time of year where they could relax, unwind, stuff themselves with food, visit friends and give and receive ang pao. Before ushering in the New Year the house must be cleaned from top to bottom, debts should be settled and new clothes are bought. Chinese families will travel enmass to the family home where they will partake of the traditional New Year’s Eve dinner which is a must. On the first day, if they have not spent the night, family members will pay their respects to the patriarch home where they will receive and give ang pao.

Chinese children, every year, look forward to Chinese New Year. Is it because of the reunion dinner with all the traditional savoury dishes served, the customary biscuits to be found in every Chinese house hold or the mandarin oranges given away for luck? Is it because of the new clothes that will be bought to wear during the New Year, no they look forward to receiving that little red packet known as “ang bao” or “ang pao”. This little red packet given every year contains money and is given away for luck. The more you give the more luck you gain and children visiting households of friends and family are sure to receive one.

According to tradition the packet should contain an even amount of money such as two dollars, four dollars, six dollars, ten dollars and so on. In a Chinese family “ang pao” is given to unmarried younger people by married people. If you are not married you are not required to give out “ang pao”, although those who can afford often do and younger people do not give to older people unless it is their parents. A working child giving “ang pao” to parents is a form of respect. In family’s who are wealthy the father is likely to give out “ang pao” to all his children, their spouses and grandchildren.

As in any tradition in modern society the quaint tradition of “ang pao” has become commercialized and exploited, with children expecting large sums in their packets. In my husband’s day his “ang pao” consisted of twenty cents. As he reached his teens the amount increased to one dollar and twenty cents. Try giving that amount to kids today. Children every year go from house to house collecting “ang pao” keeping count of how much they have collected. My children’s friends boast to them that they have collected “ang pao” in the total amount of two to three thousand dollars, because large amounts are given to them by wealthy relations. My children think they are suffering because the total amount of they receive is only two to three hundred every year.

When receiving ‘ang pao” it is bad manners to check the amount in front of the giver, but as soon as it is possible to check, children will check and inform their parents as to how much was given as their parents don’t want to appear to be cheapskates if their “ang pao” is less then what others give out. Most households give out ten dollars to their children’s friends and children of relatives. During the stock market boom it was not unusual for children to open their packet and find fifty dollars. The tradition of giving out “ang pao” has become quite an expensive affair, especially for those who have many children with many friends and those who come from large families. With the trend continuing in this direction maybe in the future you will be required to take out a small loan just to distribute “ang pao”. Fact is, it is not really the amount that matters, what matters more is the red packet it’s given in, as the giving of the red packet signifies good luck.

Motherhood: Our Dirty Little Secrets

2010-01-27T21:32:00.000-08:00

It is often said that motherhood is the toughest job in the world and Oprah is the first to shout that fact out from the rooftops even though she has never been a mother. Many woman approach motherhood with dreams and hopes and ideals thinking it will be a stroll in the park as it is shown on TV. Once the child is born all those ideas are thrown out with the piles of poopy diapers. I mean who knew that a newborn infant could shit ten times a day, especially if they are breast fed and who knew that life for you will never be the same again.

So the other night I managed to catch her show. There were women on her show sharing their dirty little secrets on how they approached motherhood. Many of these women have reached their wits end when it comes to dealing with their progeny and I could surely empathise with them. One woman confessed that she often resorted to tears when dealing with her kids. Yelling and time outs didn’t work so she cries to get her kids to behave. Listening to these women made me think of my own childhood were the motto “Spare the rod and spoil the child” was the rule of the day. There was no problem that couldn’t be solved with a good swift kick in the ass. Today no one dares hit their children, especially in public, for fear of being accused of child abuse. When we went out many people told my mother that my sisters and I were the most polite well behaved little girls they had ever met. That’s because we knew better. We didn’t ask for things when we went shopping, we didn’t dare ask for money and we did not throw temper tantrums in the store. When we met friends of our parents we called them Mr. or Mrs. or if the friend was really close we called them aunt or uncle. Times surely have changed.

When we push that squalling little thing from our loins most of us love our children unconditionally at the first sight of that tiny little face, no matter how ugly. Many of us shed a few tears because we are so overcome with emotions that cannot be put into words. One women on that show confessed that she did not like her baby and it took her a few weeks to feel any connection with it. This is probably not as uncommon as you would think, after all the pregnancy doesn’t always go as hoped and many women feel like crap during this so called special time. During the pregnancy all the attention is placed on the expectant mother but once the child is born the mother is practically ignored and all the attention is placed on the baby. No wonder many women resent their babies.

Confessions were plenty. One woman confessed that she hated the feel of her sagging breasts resting on her post pregnancy belly. Another confessed that her children don’t always get a healthy breakfast; in fact they get pizza for breakfast at least twice a week. A high flying lawyer turned stay at home mom deals with misbehaviour by taking away all her kids toys, only returning them when she feels like it. That’ll teach the little bugger. I have to confess that I once dealt with a temper tantrum that my daughter threw, one of many, too many to count really, by ripping up her favourite colouring book. That sure put an end to the tantrum. I have to confess though, while it stopped the tantrum I felt like a shit afterward because of her accusing eyes.

Yes many of us are not perfect mothers and between you and me there is no point trying to be. If your kids turn out to be rotten adults you’ll be blamed for it anyways. Mothers are only human and there will be times when we forget to stock up on diapers. One woman on the show had run out of diapers on an air flight and had asked the stewardess to bring her napkins from first class and some maxi pads for a makeshift diaper. There will be times when meals are not as healthy as they should be. The house will be in disarray because you haven’t had the time to clean up and there will be times when you haven’t showered for days on end. Many women on the show confessed that after giving birth they didn’t want sex anymore. Not surprising, sex is what got them in that position in the first place. I certainly know how they feel. After every pregnancy, five in total, I told my husband that I was still bleeding two months after giving birth when in fact I had finished six weeks after. Just to avoid sex. It’s not surprising that many marriages are ruined after the baby arrives. A lot of women actually hate their husbands after giving birth.

Many women, after giving birth, become disillusioned about motherhood. While many women want to be mothers they actually hate doing it. The war between working mothers and non working mothers is ongoing, frankly speaking both are disorganised. The only difference being is the working mother gets to join in on adult conversations on a daily basis. Some women rely on Prozac just to get through the day, because they can’t stand their kids and feel like they are the only mother in the world who has lost control. Believe me you are not alone.

So what is my dirty little secret, I have many but the ones I’m writing down here are, I love you but I don’t always like you very much and those times that you all screamed “I hate you mummy” believe me during that moment I hated you more.

Junk

2010-01-25T20:53:00.000-08:00

I have always been a bit of a neat freak and my two older daughters have inherited the same tendencies as me. I remember sharing a bedroom with my sister growing up. There was an imaginary line drawn in the room that signified her side of the room and my side. Her side of the room always looked like a bomb hit, my side was as neat as a pin. There was a place for everything and everything had a place.

Now as an adult I am still neat, my room is cleaned once a week and my bed sheets are changed. God forbid that I, sleep on bed sheets that have been on the bed for two weeks, to me it’s just so yucks!! My floors in the house are swept and mopped every day, yes in my house there are chores that must be done every day. MUST! Going to work my house was left in an orderly fashion once I got home from work it was in disarray because of my kids and this would put me in a bad mood for the rest of the evening and have me reaching for the bottle of vodka. I live by schedules and I need order around me so if my schedule is screwed up somehow and there is disorder all around I cannot function. So now with Chinese New Year coming up once again it’s time for spring cleaning.

When I was working I used to use my leaves just to stay home and clean house, not take holidays. With only one day off a week there wasn’t much time for spring cleaning. Now I’m not working I have more time unfortunately I don’t have the energy I used to have, while the spirit is willing the body is protesting. I actually hate spring cleaning and yet I relish in the fact that my house will be clean. With spirits high I painted my bedroom two days after Christmas, nothing like an early start. Painting my room used to take me one day to paint, this year or should I say last year it took me two days. On the end of the first day of painting my body ached so badly I was practically crawling around on all fours. That night I forced my kids to make up my bed and position it in the middle of the room so I could sleep in my half painted room. I managed to finish painting the next day which was New Years Eve. That was Thursday and New Years Day I rested. The day after though I cleaned out the store room or rather forced my kids to clean it out and I of course ended up finishing it.

This past weekend I cleaned out my kitchen cupboards. I thought they had not been cleaned out for ten years but my eldest daughter assures me that she has cleaned them out a few times when she was at home. Phew thank god I would hate to think they had never been cleaned, they certainly looked like it though. One thing about cupboards, they are a neat freaks dream. Any junk can be thrown inside and not seen unless you open the cupboard. This past Christmas though I noticed how dirty they were and there wasn’t any space left. Things were piling up on the kitchen table and that’s another thing that irritates me, junk on the kitchen table and so it was time to clean out those cupboards.

I was merciless in my cleaning; things that are not used and will not be used in the future were thrown out. By time I finished I had two bags of junk and as I put everything back in the cupboard that I was keeping I wondered how all that shit could fit inside in the first place. I got most of it done but I still have two cupboards to clean, this weekend. I also noticed that my legs were aching on Monday.
So this weekend I intend to finish the kitchen cupboards, there really isn’t that much more time before Chinese New year. Once the kitchen is clean the next project is my bedroom cupboard. My cupboards are full of clothes that I cannot wear since I gained weight. Curse you menopause! I’m sure there will be two more big bags to throw out. I had intended to do some painting in the house but after the experience of painting my room nah I’ll wait until next year when I can hire someone to paint the house for me. As I said the spirit is willing but the body is protesting.

Confessions of a smoker

2010-01-21T20:53:00.000-08:00

Oh the taste of that first cigarette in the morning. Sitting in the kitchen with the first cup of coffee of the day, this I think to myself has got to be the best feeling in the world. Now I know there are those of you out there who are thinking it’s not the best feeling in the world, actually, its slow suicide. I just can’t stop. I’ve tried to and at some point in the next few months I will try again. The problem is every time I try to stop, I feel resentful. I am not a chain smoker, I don’t smoke three or four packs a day I only smoke one pack. I am not one of those people who wake up three or four times a night to smoke. No, to me better then smoking is sleeping and I’d rather sleep. The reason why I feel resentful when I try to quit is because it’s the only pleasure I get out of this crappy life.

I grew up in a family of smokers. Everyone smoked and most of them smoked themselves to death. My own mother had triple bypass surgery because of all the years she spent smoking. It’s ironic that she had actually quit smoking two years before her surgery, which is lucky for her but she still has trouble breathing. The only reason why she quit was because she couldn’t afford to smoke any more, not because she wanted to.

As a kid I remember being in the car with my parents. Now the summer months weren’t so bad but in the winter, my sisters and I would be sitting in the back seat, all the windows up and both my parents would be smoking. If we complained they told us to shut up. If we wanted to roll down a window my mother would yell it’s too cold. How’s that for second hand smoke. It’s no wonder I smoke. Those two should have been arrested for child endangerment or abuse. But hey that was pretty normal back then. I remember my mother taking me to family doctor when I was sick. He’d have a cigarette burning away and my mother would light up as well as soon as she sat her butt in the patient’s chair and the kind doctor would say “here Marilyn, here’s the ashtray”.

I started smoking quite young. I was around fourteen years old when I picked up this nasty habit. I know its nasty but I can’t help it. Much to my shame I smoked during my first three pregnancies, but did manage to stop for pregnancy four and five. I really suffered. As soon as I gave birth I was screaming at my husband to get me some cigarettes. Luckily I only spent two days in the hospital with the last two. I remember giving birth to my first two children; they allowed us to smoke in the rooms. People back then didn’t know any better.

At least I can say that I didn’t smoke in the car when my children were inside. I smoke in the house though, but I live in a tropical country and my house is open all day with a fan going until I go to bed at night. Not like when I was a kid growing up in Canada, the long winter months, the house tightly closed and adults inside smoking and when we had company the smoke was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Maybe that’s why our mother threw us outdoors every chance she got.

No one forced me to smoke I decided all by myself. My cousin started first and I just naturally started. The first time my dad saw me with a cigarette he pulled it out of my fingers and yelled at me not to smoke, but it was ok to drink at the age of fifteen, such logic. I do have to say though that I do regret starting smoking. Now at the age of fifty-one my mortality is staring me in the face. I want to quit, so maybe I should try the patch or the pills they have now to help you quit. Or I could sit and stare at the disgusting pictures they put on the packages now, if that doesn’t make me quit, I don’t know what will.

American Idol

2010-01-20T20:52:00.000-08:00

So once again American Idol is on the air and going into their ninth season. I didn’t watch the first few seasons because of the late hours I worked but around the third season I started to watch. At first I enjoyed it watching the show but year after year I began to lose interest and season eight I did not watch at all.

Idol has just lost its appeal for me every year it is the same old thing. People across the US fill the stadiums where the trials are being held. Mind you there are some really good singers out there and disserve a chance at the title, unfortunately there are also those idiots that insist on auditioning who can’t sing worth a damn. The trouble with these people is they are so full of themselves that they think they can sing and get right upset when they are asked to leave.

Another reason why I stopped watching Idol was because of Paula Abdul. She has got to be the most brainless, blubbering idiot to ever grace our screens. So when I read that Paula’s contract wasn’t going to be renewed this year I cheered. Through all the seasons I don’t think that witless woman has ever said anything remotely intelligent. One day, with nothing to watch on TV, I ended up watching her reality show and I have to tell you it sucks ass. All that woman did was whine, bitch and complain. Seriously if I wanted to listen to all that whining, bitching and complaining I’d go out and buy myself a bottle of vodka, drink it and sit and listen to my own thoughts.

So this season when they announced that Ellen DeGeneres was going to be the new judge I was ecstatic once again. Once again I sit and watch Idol with all the crappy singers that make your bowels cringe and also a few very good surprises and once in Hollywood Ellen will join the veteran judges and I can’t wait for her to bring some humour and wit to the tired out show and to see how she pits herself against Simon. Here’s to you Ellen make this season a good one and one worth watching.

Farmville

2010-01-19T21:37:00.000-08:00

I’ve never been a person who likes to play games, probably because I get very competitive and also I can be a sore loser. After joining Facebook I kept getting invites from friends and family to join all the online games so I ended up joining Farm Town and played at it in between writing my articles. I haphazardly worked at my farm. My fields were crooked and for the life of me I could not get them straight. My son laughed at my farm and an online friend said it was cute. I planted crops that would take two and three days to grow so I wouldn’t have to visit too often as my writing took precedence. It wasn’t long and someone asked me to join Farmville. At first I worked haphazardly at this farm as well and my fields were crooked. I planted crops that took two and three days to grow here as well after all I now had two farms to look after in between writing. Then my daughter went back to work after her maternity leave and grandma was to babysit. Grandma found she no longer had much time to write, but online games could be played while feeding baby and when baby was asleep and you didn’t have to use many brain cells to play them.

My addiction to Farmville began.
Farm Town takes back seat to Farmville hands up. While both games are basically the same, you build your farm level by level, you tend your crops and earn virtual coins once you sell them Farmville has the added advantage of being able to harvest your animals. On Farm Town your animals walk around aimlessly and you can’t harvest them so you can’t make money off of them. Once you reach a certain level you can sell your animals for mere cents, on Farmville you can harvest your animals and earn money or you can sell them. On Farmville it is easier and faster to level up. Even though I have been playing Farm Town much longer my level on Farmville is higher. My farm field rows are now nice and straight, my farm has grown in size three times since last month, I have animals galore, two cow sheds where my cows pop out a baby calf once in a while. I have a chicken coup, two barns and trees and recently upgraded my small house to a larger farm house. During Christmas there were decorations and the farm was blanketed in snow. The snow has melted now that Christmas is over. Yesterday I was lucky to adopt a lonely pink cow, which I have wanted for the longest time, and also managed to adopt a pink calf, what luck. I now plant rows and rows of crops which I harvest every day.

Feeling stressed, play Farmville and while I play many more online games on Facebook nothing beats Farmville, a relaxing way to pass time. You can almost feel the virtual dirt running through your fingers. It’s a non competitive game where you can see your virtual coins growing every day. Better go, have to harvest my crops and animals and by the way those of you who have fish tanks FEED YOUR FISH! I hate seeing those poor dead fish floating around the tank.

Cats

2010-01-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

I’m an animal lover and love all animals. Insects and lizards who wonder into my house are safe from me for I will not squash cockroaches, spiders or kill the little house lizards that adorn the walls of my house, as they do in tropical Asian countries. For the most part these little creatures only need to fear my cat or if my daughter, who is deathly afraid of cockroaches, comes screaming out of the bathroom yelling at me to kill it. I have four dogs, two cats and one rabbit. But of all the animals around it is the poor cat which gets the bum rap.

Cats are not only disliked in Asian countries but also some people in the west don’t like them. In Canada cat owners are not allowed to let their cats wonder around outside now because of complaints from people who do not want cats crapping in their gardens. In Asia many people don’t like cats and so there are a lot of strays out there. They have dog catchers who periodically go around rounding up stray dogs but cats are pretty much left to their own devices, living in the rough. My daughter has eight cats. All are rescue cats except for one. At one time she was quite active in a group called “Cat Rescuers”. Now that she has the baby she doesn’t have the time although she still has the eight cats.

During her pregnancy well meaning friends and acquaintances informed her that it was time to get rid of the cats. They insisted that you can’t keep cats with a baby in the condo. Why is there so much fear over cats? Yeah I know there have been reports that have found that cat urine and crap is harmful to pregnant women. But it has also been stated that if a pregnant woman cleans a litter box all she has to do is wash her hands thoroughly. If you have a baby at home any sane person is not going to clean the litter box out with their bare hands then attend to the baby directly. There are pooper scoopers to clean out the box and all houses should have soap and water to clean up afterwards. So far the cat fur doesn’t bother the baby. For the most part it is people with allergies to cats or has asthma who should avoid them. The baby is fine.

It used to be when I visited my daughter all the cats would go into hiding. Now that I have been going to the condo to babysit my granddaughter the cats are used to me and during the day you can see them lying around the apartment in different area’s catching their forty winks. Cats are mostly active at night and the early part of the morning so when I enter the condo in the morning I am greeted by cats swarming around my ankles looking for food. Half the time I end up tripping over one of them and I am surprised that I have not fallen and broken my neck yet. During the day they are not much of a problem except for the odd one that steals my chair and stares daggers at me when I kick its ass out. Another cat likes to irritate me when I make my breakfast. Turn around too long and the cat will be on the counter licking my toast. Yuck!! The other day I washed the baby’s clothes and one of the cats was sleeping on the washing machine so I had to throw his ass off so I could load the machine. He wasn’t happy. He sauntered into the kitchen flopped on the floor staring cock at me. When I walked past him and bent down to pet him he scratched me. His displeasure was made known.

The cats don’t bother the baby although once in a while one of them will try to sleep her baby chair. I just throw it out. The baby is not bothered by fur, as my daughter vacuums the condo regularly. For the most part all you have to do is keep it clean. After all cats do have a purpose. They keep mice and rats away, walls are free of lizards and cockroaches. Now all I have to do is watch where I’m walking. This morning, when carrying the baby, one of the cats entwined in my legs and almost tripped me up. I should be used to it by now though, as every day, for almost ten years, there is a cat in my house which will almost cause me to fall down the stairs.

Breastfeeding

2010-01-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world and the sight of a woman breastfeeding her baby is one of the most beautiful sights to behold, so this morning when I read an article in the newspaper about a woman who breastfed her baby until she was six years old almost made me gag. Anyways this woman wrote a book about her experience.

Now I can understand women in underdeveloped third world countries having to breastfeed their children until they are five years of age. After all breast milk is cheap and nourishing and this way the poor woman can make sure that her child grows to be strong and healthy, but in developed countries where technology has made it possible for woman to buy good quality fortified infant formulas, I don’t think so. It just seems a little grotesque.

Breast milk is nutritious for the baby up until the age of two years, beyond that there is no scientific proof of it having much nutritional value so it is not necessary to feed the baby any longer than that. This woman claims that breastfeeding her daughter for that length of time has aided in her daughters emotional wellbeing and development even though there is no scientific proof of this being true. During her years of breastfeeding she came across many other woman who breastfed their babies up to five years and beyond with one breastfeeding her child until the age of twenty. There was also the case cited in her book of a mother suckling her daughter for comfort after her daughter’s husband died. She said that many women who breastfeed their children for so long do it in the privacy of their own homes and would never dream of doing it in public. Gee I wonder why. Wouldn’t it be absurd to see a mother suckling her ten year old kid in a shopping mall? I bet that would make people stop and stare and wonder what weird shit is going on, never mind the embarrassment for the kid to be found out by one of their peers. They’d never live that down at school.

Women’s breasts are meant to feed their children and breast milk provides the best nutrition for their babies up until the age of two. Beyond that it’s just weird. In fact most women today, after going through their confinement period, must return to work and the business of pumping breast milk at the office and again when coming home is a tiresome job especially after putting in their eight hours or more at the office. Once women return to work most will stop breastfeeding altogether. For those that breastfeed beyond the recommended two years all I can say is they must have too much time on their hands.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T23:17:00.000-08:00

Another year has come and gone and as I reflect on the past year, which was 2009, I can see that it had been a year of ups and downs for me. In the beginning of the year, during Chinese New Year in fact, my eldest daughter informed me that she was expecting my first grandchild. The happiness I felt was overwhelming. Many years previously I had informed her not to make me a grandmother at too young an age, but now I was ready to hold my first grandchild. After all I had been bugging her to have one since the married the year before as I did not want to be dead before my grandchildren came.

The months went by and her abdomen steadily grew, she had her worries and I did my best to alleviate her fears but in early July my sisters informed me that my dear mother had been diagnosed with cancer and they really weren’t sure how long she would last. I cried then moved heaven and earth to be with her one more time before she died. I was elated that I made it home once again to be with my family after ten long years. We had a lot of catching up to do. My eldest son and his girlfriend went with me; it was the first time my son had been to the land of his birth since he left when he was only eighteen months old. My eldest daughter had wanted to go as well to see her beloved grandmother one last time but she was too far along in her pregnancy to follow. My son met his cousins for the first time and all got along really well. It should have been a happy trip but it was not, sadly my mother passed two days after I arrived. Everyone agreed that my mother was waiting to see me one last time before she went.

We put my mother’s ashes at the top of my father’s grave, the only man she had ever loved, and it was during this time that we received a call from my daughter informing us she had gone into premature labour and had been hospitalized. She had only been thirty two to thirty three weeks along in the pregnancy. She informed me that the doctors were trying to stop her labour, thankfully they succeeded. She was put on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. While I didn’t want to leave Canada and my family I had family at home who needed me more, so after two weeks we returned to Malaysia. Thankfully labour had been stopped but the baby did not turn and so the doctor informed my daughter to prepare for an emergency cesarean section. The date my daughter picked had been 09-09-09 which is a very auspicious day according to the Chinese beliefs; it was just as well she had picked that date because she went into labour again.

Our little darling Dallas Rose Wong Wei was born at 8:55 on the morning of 09-09-09 weighing in at 6lbs 4 ozs, quietly, by C section. She opened her big black eyes and gazed at her father who immediately fell in love as did we all. She is the brightest most beautiful child. After my daughter and granddaughter were released from the hospital they came home to mommy where my daughter would start her confinement period which is in accordance with Chinese tradition. It was a few weeks after the birth that I found my baby crying. The hormones were playing up and she had a feeling of being overwhelmed as most new mothers do. She was worried about leaving her baby when she went back to work. I was to be the one who would look after Dallas. I climbed into the bed beside her embraced her and informed her that as long as I was alive and able she would not have to worry about her child, I would always be there to help her out.

She is back to work now and everything has fallen into place. My two youngest children sat for their government exams. My youngest son sat for his PMR and my youngest daughter sat for her SPM. My son managed to score three A’s which is an achievement. Through most of his years of school he has had difficulties and had always been exalted if he came second last in class instead of last. We are proud of his achievement and I hope with all my heart he continues to do well. At this time my daughter is waiting for her results happy in the fact that she did not get picked for National Service. She is now learning to drive. She will work for a year before starting college and she has decided to study photography.

Christmas came and Christmas went and all my children came home. I did not feel like celebrating this year I kept thinking about my mother. While I had made it home to see her I was not with her when she died. My sister and I had gone home the night she died thinking she still had some time. For the rest of my life I will forever feel guilty that I was not with her to stroke her brow and soothe away her fears of dying. I’m going to bad daughter hell. On another high though my son and his fiancee, he proposed to her on Christmas morning with a nice rock that any girl would be proud to wear, bought their first house. While I have informed them that they can stay with me for as long as they want to they want their own space. I don’t blame her; I lived with my in laws for eleven years of hell.

The week after Christmas I painted my bedroom. It is now time for spring cleaning as Chinese New Year is just around the corner. Last year I did a considerable amount of painting and did not feel as bad as I did after painting just one room. My muscles and joints were on fire. Proof that age is catching up with me and I am not as strong as I used to be. I have always been a physically strong woman and often used to wonder how I would feel when I was old. Now I know. The weakness is appalling to me, but there it is we all grow old and there is nothing we can do about it. I finished my room on New Year’s Eve. All my children went out and I ushered in the New Year alone. They all called me though or messaged me and I knew they had not or ever will forget me, even number four who I am constantly at logger heads now. I sat in front of the TV and vegetated with my bottle of vodka and reflected on the past year, hoping that 2010 will be better. Then I thought how it could be better when 2009 brought me my first grandchild. While I have lost two friends to petty grievances on their part I have found an old friend who I now keep in touch with through Facebook. “Happy New Year everyone and I hope the new year will bring you all everything you always hoped for or ever wanted.

Christmas Turkey

2009-12-20T20:36:00.000-08:00

Growing up in Canada we always had turkey for Christmas, regardless whether Christmas was at our house or at my aunts. To me turkey is synonymous with Christmas and to not eat turkey during this time, well it's just not Christmas to me. Now some families eat roast duck or goose and some eat roast beef but my family has always eaten turkey and of course ham. Ham I can do without but not turkey.

For the first seventeen years in Malaysia I have celebrated Christmas without turkey. When my husband died and the kids and I were unceremoniously kicked out of the company house we were staying in, I started to cook turkey at Christmas time in our new house. In the beginning the cost of a turkey weighing in at almost five kilos was affordable but as the years went by the cost of turkey kept going up until I was paying between $160.00 to $180.00 for a lousy turkey. The last year that I had invited around seventy people over for Christmas, I had had to buy two turkeys as one wasn't enough.That year I had forked out almost RM400.00 just for turkey. There was also the year a shortage of turkeys was being forecast and the price escalated, so this year I was beginning to think that we would not be enjoying turkey for Christmas, after all its not steak we are eating its just turkey.

The reason why I say just turkey is because in Canada turkey is cheap. This August when I was home in Canada my brother in law deep fried a whole turkey for us when we went to his place. My sister informed me that she had bought the turkey on offer for less then a dollar a pound which would make the cost of the turkey less then $10.00 Canadian or around RM30.00.
Turkey in Canada is the center of a meal for Easter and Thanksgiving as well. Everyone enjoys their roast turkey with a good home made stuffing and I have to admit that I make a good kick ass stuffing. Well at least my kids like it. Unfortunately paying almost RM200.00 for a turkey just did not sit well with me.

At first I couldn't find a turkey but this past Sunday I spotted in the newspaper that turkey was on offer in Giant for only RM18.99 per kilo for that day only. Of course I quickly got my hiney over to Giant to buy my turkey. By time I got there there weren't many left and I managed to get a bird weighing in at 4.7 kilos for only RM89.15. I grabbed one. This year for Christmas we will be having our turkey and stuffing and I can't wait. I can see myself now preparing Christmas dinner with a glass of whiskey at my side or a Bailey's Irish Creme, two excellent choices and once again Christmas will be saved.

Christmas is almost here!!

2009-12-13T20:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat

Please put a penny in the old mans hat

If you haven't got a penny then a half penny will do

If you haven't got a half penny then god bless you

Yes once again the Christmas season is upon us and all I can say is "Bah Humbug"!!! I never used to feel that way, I remember as a child celebrating Christmas with snow all around and the excitement of knowing that Santa would bring us presents. My sisters and I were mercenary little things, we never thought of Christmas as having any other meaning then that, even though we knew that Christmas was the celebration of Christ's birth. No to us Christmas was about all the loot that Santa would bring us. We would wake Christmas morning at 4 am to wake our parents who had only just gone to bed after a night of a little too much Christmas cheer. We of course would get yelled at to get our asses back to bed and not to wake them again until at least 7am. We waited in our rooms in anticipation sneaking out to the kitchen once in a while to check the time. Those three hours sure did pass slowly but at least we where allowed to take our stockings to our room to check out the treasures. So there my sister and I sat on our beds eating candy impatiently waiting for 7am to arrive. No wonder we both had stomach ache every Christmas.

Christmas eve was either spent at our house or at my aunts house. I can remember the year that my father decided to climb on the roof and stomp around so we kids would think that Santa was up there. Big mistake, oh we thought it was Santa, its just that dad was drunk when he climbed up onto the roof and after stomping around for a few minutes he fell off when trying to climb down again. Lucky for him there was a pile of snow to cushion his fall not to mention that his drunken state had left him in a state of jelly. It must be true god takes care of little children and drunks.

The first eleven years of Christmas in Malaysia sucked big time. During this time we had lived with my in laws who didn't celebrate Christmas and didn't really know what it was all about. The myth of Santa was quickly destroyed when my dumb ass youngest brother in law informed my kids that there was no Santa. My kids would still be excited about the loot they would get. They were lucky that I was an early riser. During this time I hardly drank so I was not hung over. We would quickly unwrap our presents, shower and dress, take the family Christmas photo which would be sent to my family and then we would take off to one of the malls in Kuala Lumpur, walk around all day then eat Christmas dinner which was not turkey.

When we finally moved out of the house Christmas was better. We bought a bigger tree to replace the table top tree we had used year after year which had been sent over by my family. After my husband passed and we moved to another house I would buy a turkey and cook it at home and invite my in laws. This was ok until my fat ass sister in law and her fat kids started eating most of the turkey before anyone else had a chance to eat some. Not long afterwards I stopped inviting them over for Christmas. The last Christmas with my husbands family I had had to buy two turkeys to cook which is an expensive endeavor. Other then this little blip on Christmas cheer I enjoyed Christmas.

So this past Sunday we put up our tree to lack of enthusiasm. My eldest now has her own family and lives in her own place. My kids are all grown and one daughter works in Singapore. I put up the tree strung the lights and added a few gold pine cones and just sat looking at it. I didn't feel like finishing it. We went out for dinner came back watched a movie and still the tree stood there undecorated. I finally manage to rally the three who are still at home into decorating the tree.

As we all do our Christmas shopping the phone calls are incessant with questions of "What do you want"? "What size do your wear"? "What colour do you want"? The mystery of Christmas is gone and so is the Christmas spirit. Not to mention that most of us are broke. But I rally around doing my shopping and come Christmas day I'll cook the turkey and all my kids will be home. After talking to my family in Canada and a little Christmas cheer that is Canadian Club Rye Whiskey or Bailey's Irish Cream I'm sure the Christmas spirit will come.

Is it better to age gracefully or have plastic surgery done, or would you have plastic surgery done is some one else paid for it.

2009-12-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

Ok lets face it, what woman out there wouldn't want to look like this. While most of us say we prefer to age gracefully we are only kidding ourselves. We say this because we can't afford plastic surgery or we are afraid of the pain. Now I'd like to say that yes I embrace my age and the way I look and would never have any work done but I'd be lying. If some kind soul offered to pay for me to have plastic surgery done I'd take them up on their offer in a flash.

Now its bad enough that when I roll out of bed every morning, and yes I mean roll because I can't jump out of bed anymore like a teenage girl, I must then head to the bathroom and look in the mirror while brushing my teeth and look at those huge eye bags which seem to get bigger and bigger everyday. As my eyesight begins to clear I notice that the skin on my face sags, my pores look bigger and good god are those grey hairs in my almost nonexistent eyebrows?? Damn!! I shudder. As I drag my weary ass down stairs to start the morning chores and I mean drag because the pain in my back and legs will not permit me to move any faster. Once downstairs I boil the kettle, make my coffee, plunk my ass down in my chair and contemplate life as that small amount of movement has worn me out.

Once the chores are done I head on upstairs for a shower where I can see that my butt is sagging, my boobs are sagging, my thighs are sagging and pretty much anything else that can sag is. It's a depressing sight. My hair is fifty percent grey and I have stopped dying it a few years ago because it is a pain to do it. I also notice that I have started to gain weight, I used to weigh in at a hundred and eight to a hundred and ten pounds, but now I notice that my butt is bigger and good lord where did that sagging gut come from? It's just grotesque.

I have used anti-aging skin care to no avail. Miracle in a jar, my aunts fannny! There is no such thing. So if someone were kindly to pay for me to have an overhaul, I'd grab it. I wouldn't have much done, I'd have my eye bags removed which have plagued me since my thirties, I'd have my boobs done and a little face lift. I'd have my gut removed, after five kids it's not a pretty sight. Aging gracefully, not for me if someone paid for my plastic surgery. I'll fight it every step of the way. I'd draw the line at some point though, after all I wouldn't want to look like Mary Tyler Moore when I'm in my seventies, that is a scary sight.

Women: How much progress have we really made

2009-12-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

Since the early nineteen hundreds when women started to fight for their rights we seem to have backpeddled to some extent. While there are many women who are in positions of power, are doctors, lawyers, company owners, polititions and so on we are still expected to hold on to that job and then come home and be super mom and sexy wife.

Child rearing duties still fall to the woman, household chores are still our domain and arranging and planning activities, school enrolement and transportation to and from shool is still left up to the woman. So where is dear old dad? Dad comes home from work, complains he's had a bitch or a day then plunks his ass down in front of the television as he bellows "What's for dinner".

While cries of burn the bra went out throughout the west in the sixties we are now back to wearing our bra's especially in the work place so we won't be accused of looking too sexy, unprofessional and provoking office sexual harassment. In the workplace we still have to listen to off color sexual jokes, put up with sexual innuendo and grin and bear it for fear of looking as if we aren't good sports.

Today most women can do the same job as a man, do it just as well or better and yet we are somehow overlooked for promotions, the excuse being that we are not as reliable as a man because of our kids. Lets face it, when a child falls sick it is usually up to the woman to stay home with them because we are the nuturers. If an agreement is made between husband and wife to have one spouse stay home and one goes out as the breadwinner it is usually the wife who stays home mainly because most men can't stand to be home with the kids twenty four seven.

While most women can do anything a man can do there still has not been a women president in the States. We are still seen as sex symbols. Open any fashion magazine and you will see women dressed in skimpy clothes, outrageuos hairstyles, garish makeup and rediculous shoes, most designed by men. Let's face it sex sells. We are made to feel inadequate if we are not thin enough or pretty enough and expected to act dumb. On the flip side men walk around balding and sporting pot bellies and that's ok. In the office if a man yells and screams and pushes his weight around he is considered a go getter, if a women does the same thing she is a bitch. We are still seen as the weaker sex and violence against women is on the rise.

One thing we can't change though is the fact that we give birth to our children, we are nurturers and care givers and it ends there. Anything a man can do we can do and so much more. We are expected to now. While we can hold jobs, vote, start our own businessess, manage our own finances and buy our own house, to some extent we are still oppressed. So as the old cigarette add goes "You've come a long way baby"apparently though not far enough.

What it means to be a man

2009-12-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

You can't live with them and you can't live without them! Yes any man reading this blog is probably thinking what the hell does she know what it's like to be a man. Your not that deep guys and it doesn't take much to make you happy. As long as you don't have to have a meaningful conversation with your significant other your cool.

Man, homo erectus in more then ways then one and I sometimes think that they haven't evolved much over the millions of years. While I may not be a man I have lived with men for all of my life. First my father, grandfather and uncle then my husband, father in law and brothers in law and my sons, so I think I have a pretty good handle on what it's like to be a man. Suck it up guys and let it be known that women have a great ability to tolerate.

When you are a man you think it's funny to fart in the car then lock the windows to let the other occupants bask in your special brand of aroma.

You like to play manly games like squashing beer cans on your head, pissing contests to see who can piss the farthest or what about the farting game.

You like to open beer bottles with your teeth because you think your teeth are indestructible.

You like to lift your shirt and show off your huge hairy belly or show of your butt crack when you bend over because wearing pants that cover your belly is too uncomfortable.

Dressing up means putting on your cleanest jeans, collar t-shirt and sneakers.

You still like to play with toys only now your toys are bigger and more expensive then they used to be.

Sitting at the traffic light you like to rev your engine so you can beat the guy beside you to the next traffic light.

You have all the fun of procreation but faint in the delivery room when your wife needs you the most.

You never ask for directions, even though you've been driving around for hours because you insist that you know where the place is.

You wash your hands before peeing but not afterwards because your member is not dirty.

You give your member a name like Goliath, Hulk, Peter or Johnny.

You never put the toilet seat down.

You never look a woman in the eye, your eyes are always at chest level.

You think housework is women's work, even though your wife works as hard as you do and by god you expect her too.

You think you can save money on household repairs by doing it yourself only to make it worse and then have to call in a repair man who charges you double to fix up your mess.

You gag when changing your kids shitty diaper, that's if we can get you to change them in the first place, and then wonder why your kid smells so bad.

You whine and complain when your sick but refuse to see a doctor.

You refuse to buy new underwear or wear new underwear and continue to wear your underwear that are full of holes and attached to the elastic waste band by a few threads because according to you they are still good or they are your lucky underwear. God forbid that your wife should throw them out.

You like to parade around the house in said underwear.

You go to a day spa get naked then stand there full frontal waiting for the female masseuse to walk in and check out her reaction.

You refuse to wear disposable underwear when you go for a massage because they are a) uncomfortable b) unmanly. Oh hell you just like to get naked.

So if that's not enough I have one more for ya, my most favorite one of all. You buy us artificial flowers for our anniversaries, birthday or mothers day because they last longer and are cheaper.

How Strict Were Your Parents

2009-11-29T22:51:00.000-08:00

So once again I'm driving this morning and the FlyFM morning crew were asking the question "How strict were your parents"? Got me thinking about my own parents who believed that to spare the rod was to spoil the child. My parents were strict, much more strict then I am with my children. Well with the younger two I'm less strict anyway, the older three are a different story.

I can remember as a kid being made to go to bed at 7pm every night. Winter time it wasn't so bad as the days got dark early, but the summer months were the worst when it only got dark between 9:30 to 10 pm every night. My sister and I would be lying in bed wide awake listening to the neighbourhood kids running around and playing, not us though we were expected to sleep. Not surprising that every grade school teacher told my mother that I was a well rested child. My mothers reasoning was we needed our sleep as we got up at 6am everyday, no wonder since we were made to go to bed at 7pm. That's a good eleven hours of sleep every night. The reason is more likely that my mother couldn't stand to listen to us any longer.

Another thing that my mother was fanatical about was playing outside. Unless there was a blizzard, too cold for even the dog to go out or there was a rain storm our asses were kicked outside to play everyday. Winter we were bundled up, spring we wore rubber boots and rain coats if need be and summer months we ran around in shorts and sandals sometimes barefoot. If we whined that we wanted to stay indoors forget it mom's reply was "It"s too nice a day to stay indoors"! To our mother everyday was a nice day and come hell or high water we were kicked outside to get our daily dose of fresh air. At least back then the air was fresh.

Dinner time was a nightmare for my sister and I. We were what you call picky eaters. My father

was a meat and potatoes man and so that's what we had every night along with a veg. My sister and I hated potatoes and I can remember sitting at the dinner table for 2 hours as we were not allowed to leave until our dinner was done. There we would sit with rock hard cold mashed potatoes staring us in the face. After two hours my parents got fed up looking at us and we were sent to bed without our dinner. By that time it didn't matter anyways because by then it was 7pm at night, our bedtime.

For the slightest infraction we got our asses spanked. We were expected to be quiet, no running or yelling in the house and especially no fighting. My second sister and I got along just fine but sister number three was another matter. She irritated us so in turn we irritated her and she would run crying to our mother or father and of course my second sister and I got our asses whopped. We were older we were supposed to know better. I remember back when I was a kid that my father would send us to my aunts house every Saturday so my mother could visit with her sister and we could play with our cousins. Dad worked on Saturdays so we would spend the day at my aunts house and dad would pick us up on his way back home. My aunt had a neighbour who grew tulips in her garden every spring. Her whole back yard would be covered with tulips which she tended to lovingly. One Saturday my cousin and I took it into our heads to pick her tulips. We ended up picking every tulip and brought them back to my aunts house and proceeded to try and plant them in the dirt in the front. Of course when the poor old lady looked out her back door and saw all her tulips missing she began to scream and our mothers heard her. They ran outside to see what was wrong and found us in the front trying to plant the tulips. My uncle had made a nice spanking paddle to use on my cousin, he was a master craftsman with wood. That paddle was nicely shaped covered in leather and the handle had been covered with black electrical tape. I guess you know what happens next. The pair of us couldn't sit for a week. To make matters worse the tulips had no stems, we had just plucked the heads off so they couldn't even be put in a vase.

Yes my parents were strict and we grew up ok. Now a days I see a worrying trend were by kids are spoiled. They have no respect for their parents, teachers or figures of authority. Overseas it is considered child abuse to spank your kid on the ass if they are naughty. Every kid has a cell phone these days which is something which would be considered a luxury back my day now it considered an essential item every kid should have.

Death

2009-11-26T23:11:00.000-08:00

We are born, we live and we die. Death is inevitable and no one escapes it. So when I bring up the subject of my eminent death my children grown inwardly. According to Chinese custom you don't talk about death, especially your own if you are still living.

I have informed my children that when I die I don't want them to go to any great expense, they can just throw me in a cardboard box and bury me in the back yard. I mean I can't really see why it is necessary to spend so much on a funeral when I am not around to enjoy it anyway. Of course this does not go over well with my children, probably because it is against the law to bury someone in the back yard. Also with the freshly dug earth the dog may take it into her head to dig me up. But then again my husband has a double plot, my resting place is beside him. I can see him now reaching out his boney hand patting the earth right beside him as if he is inviting me to bed. My name has already been chiseled on the headstone and is painted bright red (so as not to bring bad luck reigning on my still breathing body) and will be painted in black once my weary bones have been laid to rest. There I will lay for eternity arguing with my husband. As in death as in life. Now that sounds like a plan. I could say things to him I never dared to in life. We could have some real knock down drag out fights.

Another thing I have asked my children is what kind of religious funeral are they going to give me. I mean a Christian funeral seems pretty weird when your lying in a Chinese cemetery. Not to mention that if there actually is a God I'll probably go straight to hell for being a non believer. At a funeral I attended with my kids I asked my daughter and she informed me they'll probably do the traditional Chinese funeral with all the trappings, and crying and wailing as my body lays in the cardboard box in the Malaysian heat frying. This way I'll end up in hell first and my children will have to spend the rest of their lives praying to me and sending up offerings in order to pave my way into heaven. I wouldn't have to do a thing. I should also put it in my will (LOL what will) that I want keggers at my funeral. I want everyone who attends to get falling down drunk in remembrance of me.

When I die I hope I don't die a painful death, I hate pain. When I go I want to go painlessly in my sleep where I will not know what hit me. God forbid I die of cancer, as my poor mother did. If I have cancer I have informed my kids that I want plenty of morphine and vodka so I can spend the rest of my days in oblivion. I sure hope they don't take it into their heads to bury me in traditional Chinese garb, I want to be comfortable in the after life if there is one. Better tell them to bury me in my traditional garb that I wear around the house, a man's singlet and boxer shorts.

Twilight

2009-11-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

So this morning I was listening to the radio and the morning crew of FlyFM were talking about the movie "New Moon". Now I have not read the books and only just recently watched the first movie "Twilight" to see what the big deal was all about and just as I suspected it is a big soppy love story. I hate love stories, so now I usually avoid reading books or watching movies that have anything to do with love. Two of my daughters have read all four books of the "Twilight" series, I have not been tempted to since I read a review by the all time best author Stephen King. Stephen King basically said that the author of the Twilight series can't write worth crap.

The morning crew were talking about the first screening of "New Moon", in Malaysia, which I think is showing today. Apparently the hero of the story Rob Pattinson sang a song for the movie and Ben, one of the morning crew, was saying that the first line of the song was "Smelly thing" and Nadia, another member, disagreed. Anyway the crew had people calling in and voting on whether the crew should play the song or not. In the end the people voted to have the song played and so I suffered through the song like the rest of the listeners.

Ok the song itself is not that bad, I can't say the same for the singer. Ben was right the first line of the song sounds like he is singing "Smelly thing". The rest of the song Rob is just mumbling through and you can't understand a bloody word he is singing. After listening to the song I was left wondering who in their right mind would let him sing that song and then produce it!! If he had been a contestant on "American Idol" Simon Cowel would have ripped him another asshole.

I've got nothing against Rob although I do think he is not as handsome as most women seem to think he is, I've seen better. I have no doubt that the bloody song will shoot to number one on Billboard because the movies are immensely popular and that sucks. In my opinion most movie stars can't sing and should stick to what they do best, acting. That way we the viewing public won't have to suffer through movies with bad singing like "Mama mia"! Don't get me started on that one!!

Flatulence

2009-11-23T22:24:00.000-08:00

Flatulence is a normal bodily function which is deemed to be revolting in polite society. Growing up my sisters and I were taught by our parents that it was unlady like to fart at the dinner table or even worse in public. My sisters and I went through life sucking them back until we were ready to explode. As a result hearing someone fart would bring on titters of laughter and to this day I still can't hear someone fart without laughing.

So imagine my shock when I married into my husbands family and everyone around you was letting them rip left, right and center. When visiting his grandmother and the grand old lady happened to fart you didn't dare laugh as she would scold you. To the Chinese, farting is a normal process and they rationalize that to hold it in will result in stomach ache not to mention bloating. Which we all know to be true. My baby grandaughter who has the face of an angel farts like a trucker, loud, long and smelly. So what exactly is it that causes us to fart.

Flatulence happens when there is excessive gas in the stomach and the intestines causing you to burp or fart. One website says that most people produce one to three pints a day and pass gas about fourteen times a day. Excessive farting is not life threatening but it can be embarrassing for most people but not all. Hippocrates claimed that passing gas was necessary to well being and Emperor Claudius decreed that all Romans should fart whenever necessary. In France, in the 1800's, a few entertainers performed on stage, their act, farting at will and at varying degree's of pitch. They performed for sold out shows.

The primary components of gas or flatus are nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane and oxygen which sounds like a pretty leathal combination. The lovely odour is caused by trace elements of skatole, indole and compounds that contain sulfur which is produced by paticular bacteria not found in everyone. This explains why some people don't smell as bad as others. Hydrogen and methane found in flatus is what gives it it's flammable character, so maybe you can light fire to a fart.

The body does not digest and absorb all the carbs we eat such as sugar, starches and fiber so it is passed from the small intestine to the large intestine where harmless bacteria breaks it down producing hydrogen, carbon dioxide and in a third of all people methane. The people producing methane are the stinky few. These gases eventually leave the body through the rectum. Foods that produce gas in one person may not produce gas in another.

So which food should you avoid in order to prevent the unpleasantness of gas? Beans, brussel sprouts, cabbage, broccoli, assparagus and whole grains. Starches found in potatoes, corn, noodles and wheat. Rice does not produce gas. Onions, artichokes and pears as well as beer, red wine and sorbitol which is sugar found in certain foods. Soluble fiber is not broken down in the small intestine and so produces gas. Those people who are lactose intolerant can also suffer from a flatulence problem.

While flatulence may be an embarrassing subject to most people, to some it is not, especially the male population who fart at will, anywhere anytime. Many young men like to make a game of farting seeing who can fart the longest and loudest, letting off SBD's (silent but deadly) in movie theaters and elevators letting others breath in their knoxious fumes. My own son likes to fart in the car then lock all the windows letting his siblings, mother and girl friend bask in his special aroma. Shopping malls are the best places to fart, with all that noise no one can hear you but god help you if you walk through a knoxious cloud. Yes farting may be an embarrassing subject to most, but ultimately in the end it really does feel good to let her rip.

Vodka

2009-11-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

A good quality vodka has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it and then hits you right between the eyes. Next thing you know your stumbling around wondering what happened. Vodka was originally known as aqua vitae or water of life and was originally brought to Russia by Genoese merchants passing through Russia on their way to Lithuania. As payment for the governers hospitality the merchants presented him with a few barrels of the spirit which was made of pure fermented grape juice during this time. Since the drink of the day in Russia was beer and mead, they were not impressed.

Aqua vitae made its appearance once again in Russia in 1492 which was touted as a medical cure all. The liquer was too strong to drink on its own and so it was mixed with water. Eventually Russian monestaries started making the alcoholic drink from grain. By the sixth century Russia was producing vodka and carrying it to other countries. At the end of the 15th century Ivan the third put a state monopoly on the production and selling of vodka along with all other spirits so the government made a killing.

In 1533 the first Tsar's kabak was opened which was basically a tavern where alcoholic drinks could be bought. This was patronised mainly by the Tsar's guards. The kabak was very profitable and made the Tsar lots of money with the guards drinking everynight. They also fought and played dice. No food was served so you can imagine how drunk everyone got and thats probably why they fought.

Boris Godunov the first Romanov kept the monopoly on alcohol making it even more rigid and by the seventeenth century the country was racked by revolts including revolts in the kabaks which were caused by the supervisors and their assistants abuse of power. The production and sale of vodka throughout history has changed many times alternating between making leaseholders rich or their rights being withdrawn . It was during the reign of Peter the Great, the reign of the vodka barons started and they were given sole rights to distill wine. By the eighteenth century vodka was not only distilled by the aristocratic barons but was also distilled by the state. The barons were not only allowed to distill vodka they were also exempt of paying taxes on vodka sales. The best vodkas were produced on the properties of aristocrats as they used high quality water cleaning as well as added proteins from milk and egg whites.

The home made vodkas of the day were favoured over the state distilled vodkas. The vodka was distilled three times and water and plant flavours were added as well as cherry, pears, blackberry, dill, acorn and other ingredients. In fact most aristorcratic distillers had their own brands of vodka. During the Patrotic war of 1812 due to the inflation of the rouble the state once again took contoll of vodka distillation in all of Russia except for Siberia. When Napoleon defeated Russia he took vodka back to France where the French took to it like a duck to water.

Before 1885 vodka had been sold in barrels but during this time it was introduced to the public in bottles. During the war with Japan in 1904 to 1905 prohabition was introduced and was only canelled by the Russian government in 1925. During this period the number of alcoholics was also reduced. While vodka did not originate in Russia, Russia made it what it is today.

Vodka is enjoyed by many people around the world, by some more then others. This author thinks that vodka is nector from the gods. Even though it can pack a wallop to the unsuspecting drinker, vodka is a spirit that can be mixed with many other beverages such as fruit juices, soda water with a twist of lime, soft drinks and many more, I know I've tried. It now comes in different flavours such as peach, blackberry, orange and a few other flavours I may not know about. One thing about vodka it has a clean after taste and fixes all ills.

National Toilet Day

2009-11-18T20:40:00.000-08:00

So as I was driving my daughter to school today, to sit for her SPM, I was listening to FlyFM, my favorite station by the way, and the morning crew announced that it was national toilet day or something like that. My memory isn't too good these days and I have a tendency to forget little details, you know like waking the kids up in the morning when they ask me to the night before, but thats another story. Today we are going to talk about the toilet and where the hell would we be without it. Could you imagine sleeping with a chamber pot under your bed at night and having to dump it in the morning? Not unlike the China girls as reported in the paper who were throughing their accumulated bags of urine and crap out of their apartment window. Anyways.........

According to one website no one can agree as to who is the inventer of the flush toilet. Credit is usually given to an English man by the name of Thomas Crapper who's name adorned many toilets for many years. Returning soldiers during WWI had christened toilets the "Crapper".

Before the invention of the crapper people dumped where ever they felt like going. Eventually as man built houses he moved his toilet into his compound. Pretty soon outhouses were built or chamber pots were used rather then covering it over with dirt. As man progressed the toilet eventually made it into the house. Man soon had to deal with the smell so man had to come up with a way of disposal immediately after he was done. Toilets were then built over flowing streams and rivers to help dispose of the waste. The first sit down toilets appeared by 2500 BC in Egypt which had linking pipes. Chamber pots were still in use and during Roman times it was not unusual for guests and hosts alike to summon a slave to bring a pot so they could relieve themselves without leaving the room to continue eating and drinking.

By the 1500's AD the world was a cesspool once again with the rich dumping their waste into the water of the poor. Which of coarse led to disease. In 1738 the first flush toilets made their appearance and over the years were fine tuned . By the 1800's a sewer system was developed which helped to dispose of all that crap. From the 1880's unwards emphasis was placed on improving the look of the toilet to what it is today.

Toilet bowls come in all shapes, sizes and colours today and most malls have public toilets which is what FlyFM was talking about today. The question asked by the crew was " What is the funniest thing you have seen on the wall of the public toilet". The walls of public toilets are the canvases of wits and artists the world over. They also act as advertising where people post their phone numbers for whoever is interested. I have to tell you the best little ditty that I saw on the wall of a public toilet was in Canada.

Here I sit lonely hearted

Paid a dime only farted

Yesterday I took a chance

Saved a dime and shit my pants.

Now thats what I call poetry!

Sinister Nursery Rhymes

2009-11-17T23:36:00.000-08:00

Nursery rhymes have been passed down through the centuries and sung by children for hundreds of years. While nursery rhymes seem to be harmless children's songs, many people do not know that most nursery rhymes are sinister in origin.

A Classic example is "Ring Around the Rosy". A nursery rhyme sung as children hold hands and skip around in a circle.

"Ring around the rosy

a pocket full of posies

Ashes, ashes

We all fall down".

This rhyme has its origins in English history during the time of the black plague. The black plague swept across Europe in 1665 which wiped out half of the population. The plague was spread by rat bites, rats which originally came from Asia on board cargo ships. Symptoms of the plague started with a fever then a bright red rash made its appearance in the shape of a ring. Of course back then they didn't have the medications we have now to treat the plague and so they carried pouches, or posies as mentioned in the rhyme, filled with sweet smelling herbs as it was thought the plague was started by foul smells. Unfortunately everyone smelled bad back then due to poor bathing habits, they bathed maybe once a year, so if that had been true the whole human race would have been wiped out long ago. Dead bodies were burned in the hopes of preventing further spread of the plague and so the term "Ashes, Ashes" refers to the ashes of the dead.

Another nursery rhyme that dates back to the Middle Ages is "Mary Mary Quite Contrary" actually alludes to King Henry the VIII's daughter, Mary Tudor or Bloody Mary as she was popularly known back then.

"Mary, Mary quite contrary

How does your garden grow

With silver bells and cockle shells

And pretty maids all in a row".

Mary's garden in the rhyme in actual fact refers to graveyards which were being filled daily with dead Protestant martyrs due to the fact that Marry was a staunch Catholic. Silver bells and cockle shells were in fact instruments of torture used on these poor souls in the hopes of persuading them to change their religion. The pretty maids all in a row are in reference to the guillotine otherwise known as "Maidens".

Another nursery rhyme which is sinister in nature is "Jack and Jill", another harmless sounding children's nursery rhyme. In fact "Jack and Jill's roots go back to France in 1795.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after".

So who are Jack and Jill? Jack is actually King Louis XVIII of France and Jill is his wife Marie Antoinette. During the French Revolution or the "reign of terror" as it is known, in 1793, poor King Louis was beheaded; in other words he lost his crown. His Queen, Marie Antoinette followed shortly after. The words of this little rhyme were eventually changed to what it is today in order to give it a happier ending so as not to scare children.

There are many more nursery rhymes which have strange sources and many of the nursery rhymes were in a scary book I had as a child, in fact just looking through the book with its scary pictures made me think of sinister things. I did learn a few rhymes at school as part of my childhood education but not in the classroom, these were learned on the playground. Many are crude, some are racist and some are just plain dirty which is probably why they haven't been written in books and passed down for prosperity. There is one that sticks in my mind though, one which I used to like to recite frequently. What can I say I was a weird kid. I don't know its origins or if it has any hidden meanings though, you be the judge.

"Birdy birdy in the sky

Dropped a white wash in my eye

I'm a big boy, I don't cry

Gee I'm glad that cows don't fly".

New Mother

2009-11-16T00:41:00.000-08:00

Motherhood changes everything, as the new mother will eventually find out, in more ways then one. After you give birth you find that you have a new spare tire around your middle that sags, that wasn't there before. If your breast feeding your boobs end up twice even three times their original size. Then your priorities change and as you gaze into the little ones face you turn into a marshmallow.

So it was with my daughter after giving birth to her daughter. She did her confinement at home with me helping out. My daughter has always been a take charge person and that is exactly what she did, she took charge. I am proud to say she is a fine mother, although she did tell me she felt like a cow, what with breast feeding and all and I have witnessed a transformation, a hard ass woman turn into a marshmallow. She told me her daughter has turned her into a clown, because of the funny faces and silly noises she is reduced to making to entertain her child. No more drinking and partying as she is still breast feeding and home from work early so grandma can go home. As much as grandma loves the wee sprite she does have to go home and check on the two teenagers as well as do housework. Mommy is also tired from a hard day at work so doesn't feel much like partying anyway.

Once you have a baby, your life is no longer your own. Baby rules the roost and your schedule is worked around the wee one. No more spontaneity as baby's needs come first. If you want to go out you either have to drag the little one along or find a babysitter. When taking your child out you need to bring everything along except the kitchen sink and sometimes you might even need to take the kitchen sink.

Before going back to work my daughter agonised about leaving the baby as most new mothers do. I told her not worry I'm here for her and by time her maternity leave finishes she won't be able to wait to get back to work. Which pretty much turned out to be true. Mother knows. So now it is the second week since she has returned to work. Last week when I took care of the baby she was really good and slept most of the time. This weekend though she gave her mama hell. I guess it's pay back because her mommy left her with the old one that smells like cigarettes. However you slice it though, once you look into the little ones face everything is OK.

My Kids

2009-07-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

Lord you just gotta love them, my children. When I first joined facebook my children all welcomed me. Look at mom so modern and progressive unfortunately they have changed their tune.

Child number one hasn't been on facebook in a while so the other week when we were at dinner I asked her about it. She hasn't updated since she got married. She said she didn't have time that she was too busy at work to waste her time. So I told her that next time she goes in she's in for a big surprise. All the sending of drinks, smiles, hugs and food fight requests it will take her an hour to go through it all thanks to mom.

Child number two he's cool he just ignores everything I send and once in a wee while he will comment on something I wrote. Like a helium article or this blog. He just informed me not to mention his name because a lot of his clients are on facebook.

Child number three, well I guess she hasn't been on facebook in a while and so when she went in she saw all the sending drinks, smiles, hugs and food fight request not to mention farm town which I might add is bloody addicting. She countered with "10 reasons why you shouldn't introduce your mother to facebook "which I have to admit was quite a hilarious article.

Child number four when I commented on her wall she accused me of stalking her. She told me not to send her any of that shit because she just deletes it. I told her I was just having a little fun and why the hell can't I comment on her wall. Everyone else does. I don't need to spy on her on facebook I can do that very well at home. Sheeesh ungrateful kid.

Child number five. The other day I was playing farm town and my son asked me what I was doing, so I told him. I told him it was fun would he like me to invite him on board and he said ok. A few days later I asked him if he joined yet and he said no he might have deleted it because any thing that mommy sends him he deletes. Hummph!!!!! So much for having fun with your loving family on facebook.

Now my daughters friend asked me to join mafia wars that half the Ng's were playing. I enjoy farm town its relaxing and enjoyable besides if I joined mafia wars my loving kids might leave and go to some other game.

School

2009-07-12T20:40:00.001-07:00

So the Malaysian government is now going to revert to all subjects being taught in Bahasa, saying that children are now falling behind in Maths and Science because these subjects are taught in English.

If the kids are falling behind in these subjects I don't think we need to put the blame on the language medium it is being taught in. Put the blame on the teachers who are too lazy to learn English. That's right folks I said it. The level of teaching in the schools today has gone to hell. If the teacher were dedicated enough we wouldn't need to send our children too tuition centers.

I have been too my kids school on numerous occasions and hardly any of the teachers speak English. According to my daughter subjects that are supposed to taught in English are being taught in Bahasa because the teacher has little or no command of the English language. Now you wonder why kids are falling behind in these subject? Having English textbooks and being taught in Bahasa? Kinda stupid isn't it.

The English standard in this country has dropped drastically. Without the use of English Malaysians will not be able to compete on a global level. Those who want to study overseas in English media schools will be turned down because they do not speak English. One politician stated that Japanese children do not learn English in their schools. That's as it may be Japanese school children hardly study over seas.

Why is the Malaysian government so afraid for their people to learn English? In every Malaysian home most families usually use their mother tongue so the Bahasa Malay language will not die out. It will only die out if the people let it. My Children can speak three languages fluently. What is wrong with learning another language. As far as I'm concerned my children are the ones who benefit from being bilingual. Too bad the Malaysian government doesn't feel the same way. Thank god both my children will have graduated by 2012.

Kids again

2009-07-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

So when your teenage daughter stands there and says "You know I love you mom" you know she wants something. Sure enough it came "Can I go to Aeon tomorrow"? With the weekend coming my ants in the pants daughter wants to go out. Of course the next question I ask is " Do you have any money"? Ya she says and that sure is a surprise to me.

Every day of the week I give them an adequate amount of money. They have breakfast at home now because I force them to eat oatmeal in the morning and take fish oil capsules (brain food) much to their chagrin. Food at school is cheap and I cook dinner at home, so they really don't need to spend much money. I give them more then enough so they should be able to save some money for weekends at the Mall. My youngest son can save his money unfortunately my teenage daughter cannot. So every time she wants to go out she wants money and twenty bucks just doesn't cut it. Now if I were working I wouldn't mind, but I'm not, so we're on a budget. My writing doesn't pull in much so there ya go.

After she asks me if she can go I of course start nagging her about studying for SPM and she pretty much tells me to chill. I mean its not like she's genius or something. I'm happy if she just passes. I don't think I'm asking for much now am I? Seems that going out with her friends is more important then passing exams.

She also reminds me she needs to pay school fees on Monday and asks me not to forget to go to the bank to withdraw the money. We didn't pay at the beginning of the year because the schools couldn't decide how much they were going to rip us off for this year. I mean they get free text books now, no more school fees and no more exam fees so why do I have to pay $120.00 in fees. Parent Teacher Association? It's not like they do anything and I have to fork out money for it? Just last month my son's school stuck me for a hundred over as well. So much for no more school fees and I would like to know what the hell am I paying for?

Side Tracked

2009-07-09T20:59:00.000-07:00

So what the hell is it about face book I ask you. I opened my account for purely mercenary reasons. So that I could post my helium articles and blog to get more readers to my sites and earn more money.

Well I kinda got side tracked with all the little games they have. Send a hug, send a smile, send a drink (the best), food fight, beta farm ( don't really know what the hell I'm doing) and today it is a reading link. Half the books I have not read because books are expensive in Malaysia. An American friend online tells me there are sites you can go to and read free books. I'll have to check them out but frankly with my helium writing, my face book and checking email I don't have the time.

Busy busy busy who knew you could be so busy sitting on your butt all day long. Robyn says I'm addicted to face book, I wouldn't say addicted but I do check it before I start writing everyday. I just hope I don't end up on it all day sending back smiles, hugs, drinks, food, and checking my farm which the other day I noticed that my potatoes all died. Hell I didn't even know I had potatoes growing on my farm. I have plenty of trees and a cute little sheep running around eating the grass. So better learn more about beta farm, I did manage to save my apples, pears, oranges and lemons and put them in storage to sell in the future. That's if I can ever find the bloody market I'm supposed to sell them at!

On a brighter note I just sold an article on Helium. I'm so happy.

The Weather

2009-07-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

I have been informed by my sister that the weather in Canada is cold and they have had only one week of really hot weather. What I'd like to know is what the hell happened to the weather.

The last time I went home ten years ago we went in the middle of May to the middle of June. In Canada that is considered late spring and the weather should be warm. When I arrived it was bloody cold. I remember going to the lake with my sister and my kids and we were wearing sweaters, pants, socks and shoes and we were freezing and yet there were some crazy Canadians sunbathing on the beach!!! My sisters and their families were wearing shorts and looking at us like we were the crazy ones. So this time I am going in the middle of summer and yet again the weather is cold. Is someone trying to tell me something???

After living in this hot tropical county called Malaysia for the past twenty seven years anytime it falls below twenty five degrees Celsius we freeze. Two of my sisters have a swimming pool in their back yard and so one of my sisters asked me to bring my swimsuit. I don't have one I told her I haven't swam in years. After five kids and a little added weight, me in a bathing suit is just gross. My sis says never mind its only in the back yard, they all swim. She does have a point my sister are all heavier then I am. Problem is my son will be there and I don't want him choking on his beer when he gets a look at me and my sisters in a swim suit. Not a pretty sight. We could be poster girls LOL.

There's a thought when I go home and we all swim I can get him to take a picture and then I can post it on my Face Book. No one will ever view my site again because the sight of us in bathing suits will burn out their corneas. If the weather doesn't warm up though there will be no swimming for me and my new bathing suit will have gone to waste. When I told my son that I bought a suit he asked if I bought a bikini like I used to wear when I was slim and svelte. I saw him shudder as he asked. No I said I bought a two piece and the top is long like a singlet with square shaped bottoms. No more skimpy bikinis for me that's for sure.

If the weather doesn't warm up though he won't have to worry because I won't even put a toe in the water. In Canada the water never warms up unlike in Malaysia where the water is like swimming in warm piss. If the weather does warm up well I guess my son will just have to chug down lots of beer.

Delays Delays Delays

2009-07-07T19:46:00.000-07:00

My impending trip to Canada has been delayed. Not because of anything on my part but my son has been having trouble with the Canadian immigration. So now it seems he needs to apply for a Canadian passport.

If they had given us the correct information in the first place we wouldn't have had to wait. I was planning to leave this coming Sunday but now we can't go until the beginning of August. It's so irritating as I have my clothes all ready to pack.

I just called my sister to inform her of this new turn of events. She is worried about telling my mom. Mom is expecting us next week. I told her it's not that we aren't coming its just been delayed. Everyone at home can't wait. We haven't seen each other for ten years. Mom will be disappointed but its due to circumstances out of our control.

I guess everything in life never goes as planned. There's always some obstacle in our path that prevents us from doing things. The stubborn over come them the weak just roll over. My motto is when life gives you lemons, make lemonade and add a big dollop of Vodka.

Motherhood

2009-07-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Well I have to say I never thought that my eldest daughter would take to her impending motherhood. Last week she and the hubby had a couple of days off together and she wanted to go out baby shopping. No not buy a baby but buy clothes and all the other millions of things you need for the little one. Unfortunately hubby was not into that and was more interested in looking at his boys toys. Of course she calls me up all upset because she doesn't know what to buy and needs her momma to help her. So we made arrangements to go and buy baby stuff. She is now seven months along and starting to panic that the child will be born into the world and she will have nothing for it to wear.

Yesterday afternoon we went. At first it was supposed to be me and her. Her sister who is home from Singapore wanted to go and then my two younger ones wanted to go. The younger two not really interested in baby clothes but they thought it was a good opportunity to wrangle something out of one of us at the mall. I know my kids so well. We got to her place and I find out her hubby wants to go along as well. Ok never mind let him go.

After arriving at the mall my pregnant daughter announces she's hungry and will faint if she doesn't eat. Since being pregnant she needs to eat several times a day. She also informs me that all the clothes she bought to wear when she got pregnant don't fit any more and she needs to buy some new ones. I told her to wear those tent dresses but she refuses, just not her style.

So I told them the best place to buy baby stuff is Jaya Jusco. It won't cost you an arm and a leg like those specialty shops. Within an hour I had baby shopping all done. Its so easy when you know how and it's not your credit card that's paying for it. I noticed though as I threw stuff into the basket her hubby's jaw kept dropping until it was down to his knees. He kept asking do we really need this mom and what's this for mom. I assured him that yes everything in the basket will be needed. We spent the rest of the day walking around looking at clothes and she got some more pregnant clothes to wear. After all she has to visit clients and needs to look half decent. We all had dinner at a Thai food restaurant. She called her brother and girlfriend to join us. My younger two managed to wrangle something for themselves and I managed to buy much needed shorts and three quarter pants for my impending trip home to Canada because I have nothing to wear. I've gained weight and most of my clothes don't fit. I guess that's what happens when your on the computer everyday all day long churning out articles. You get a fat ass from lack of exercise.

Getting home I was exhausted. I don't usually shop all day long as I said I'm usually on my ass for most of the day. But never mind my baby who is having a baby is happy and contented once again.

Rise of the Machines

2009-07-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Every where you look today we use machines. We have computers, cell phones, answering machines and VCD players. Their all very confusing to a person like me born in the late fifties.

When I was growing up we didn't have computers. They were a mystery to me but now I have pretty much got it down. Not to a fine art mind you but I am beginning to know my way around. I have yahoo mail, my blog, face book and I write on an online sight. When I use the keyboard I type the way I was taught to type in typing class at high school. When I observe my kids typing they use two fingers max and type faster then I do. Every now and then I have to check my fingers are placed on the correct keys if not gibberish comes out and I have to back space.

When using my hand phone I know how to call, I can send text messages. One simple message can take me 10 minutes to type. It sucks. I observe my children blithely messaging away without even looking at what they are doing. My sister informs me that it take her an hour to type out a message on her hand phone. At least I'm better then her. Now they have this new thing out called twitter. The other day I asked my son what the hell is twitter. He told me it's an instant messaging system. For instance you can type "I'm taking a dump" and all your contacts will receive the message. Why the hell would you want everyone to know your taking a dump I ask you. Hand phones today have everything imaginable, cameras, GPS tracking, is that correct or is it GSP I don't know all I know is your hand phone can now tell were to go. Maybe one day your hand phone will tell you were you can get off. They even have mini computers. You can read your email, face book and yes you can twitter. Hell with the way hand phones are now you don't even have to go to the office.

The VCD player, well I still have trouble with that one. All the remotes have weird symbols on them that the manufacturer expects you to understand. Well I don't. I don't even know how to turn on my damn VCD player. If I want to watch a DVD I have to ask my kids to turn it off and on for me. Like I'm some moron or something.

Answering machines can be a pretty good thing to have if you actually care who called you at home during the day while you were out. My sisters and mom each have one so they can screen their calls. Why do they have to screen their calls. What sinister person are they expecting to call them. The bank saying your over extended? Or maybe the credit card company. I know every time I call one of my sisters or mom in Canada I get their answering machines. Hell my one sister doesn't even answer her phone most of the time any way. Hell she doesn't even check her messages. Why? According to my other sister they all have hand phones. Well jeez didn't they ever think that I might call once in a while just to say hi. Guess not.

Anyway I'm now waiting to see what they can do next with the hand phone. Probably make it smaller so people like me can't even text a message because of my sausage like fingers.

Writing

2009-06-30T23:18:00.000-07:00

Why do I write? Is it to get my thoughts down on paper? Is it because I've always wanted to be a writer? No and No. My reasons for writing are not so noble. My writing is for purely mercenary reasons and my blog is to rant and rave and vent.

So now that I have joined helium every month I write my ass off trying to earn money. Since I am at home everyday you would think that I have lots of time to write. Unfortunately that is not the case. Every time I turn around Robyn or Jordan wants me to drive them somewhere. It's irritating and pisses me off.

If I could sit at the computer for the whole day, put in my 9am to 5pm writing time I could probably write in my blog everyday as well as write two or three articles. There is always something. Like housework, dogs want to eat, then need to clean their shit, ironing, laundry and everything else in between. It never ends. I in the end become frustrated and irritated and just feel like drinking.

I have often thought about writing a novel. Yes in my fondest day dreams I would churn out the great Canadian novel. Fat chance that ever happening. As soon as I have my chain of thought going someone always interrupts me.

Yes the life of a writer or would be writer sounds so academic but in fact it is frustrating as hell.

Report card day

2009-06-29T20:31:00.001-07:00

I really hate report card day. Not my report card but my teenage daughters. My sons report card day was last Friday and yesterdays was Robyn's.

So why I hate report card day is I have to change out of my usual attire of men's boxers and singlet and put on a proper t shirt with sleeves and a decent pair of pants or shorts just to see a teacher who can't speak English and see how bad my daughters marks are. Not to mention that I usually sweat my ass off. I look at the teacher, she looks at me, we smile. I then look at the report card and frown. Then I look at Robyn and try to say something about the report card but frankly I've given up. I mean what can you say. I usually mutter "well you better start pulling your socks up and concentrate more" or "I don't know why the hell I bother to send you to tuition", something anal like that. It's not like I'm going to kick her butt around the classroom in front of her teacher and friends is it? I mean I don't expect you to get a scholarship. God forbid my life should be so easy. But please at least try.

I now have come to the point where I tell her that if she fails better for me, that way I don't have to fork out an arm and a leg for college tuition fees. Now that's a thought. She can go and work Jaya Jusco her whole life. Then I can use her college money to buy a new car. Hell the more I think about it the better I like the sounds of that.

Robyn tells me her teacher hates her. But every time I go for report card day the teacher doesn't even say anything. I guess she's pretty much given up on Robyn or she just can't find the words to express how she feels. I mean if you know Robyn you know what I mean. I suspect the teacher is just biding her time until the end of the year and she will not have to see Robyn no more. As for me Robyn will be with me the rest of my life. Now don't get me wrong I love Robyn to bits. She just tries my patience.

Like the time just before Chinese New Year I was cleaning house and Robyn calls me and demands that I pick her up from school because she is not feeling well. I had not yet bathed and was still in my sleeping attire of boxer shorts and singlet. I have some for night wear and some for day wear. At my age who gives a shit I just want to be comfortable. Anyway I went straight to the school without changing or showering because it was an EMERGENCY according to her. Of course when I get there I have to go to the office and sign her out of school. As I walked through the school yard with messy hair wearing my boxers and singlet everyone turned to look. Do I care? No but I sure hope Robyn was embarrassed. In fact a few month back Robyn complained to me that the discipline teacher was complaining about the way I was dressed. So I informed her next time give me time to shower and change before I pick you up.

The morning of report card day as I drop her off at school she turns to me and says "hey mom dress properly when you come and pick up my report card."

Going Home

2009-06-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Next month I will be going home for a visit. This will be my second visit home in twenty seven years. This is not a happy trip as I found out last month that my mother has a cancerous brain tumour and lung cancer. Can't have one she gets hit with a double whammy. Since I cannot make many trips home I have decided it is better if I go while she is alive and lucid, I hope, rather then go home for her funeral. I do not have a good feeling about this as she went through triple bypass a few years back.

My eldest son and his girlfriend will be accompanying me. That means there will be no one at home with the two teenagers so I have asked one of my in laws to come and stay with them. I'm still nervous though. I am afraid that while I'm away there will be a constant war in the house between Robyn and Jordan, Robyn and the uncle, Jordan and the uncle and Robyn and Jordan ganging up on the uncle. God I'm glad I won't be here to witness that.

Another thing I'm worried about is coming home to a big mess in the house. I'll be gone for two weeks so I hope I don't come home to a three inch pile of hair on the floor because no one bothered to sweep and mop. I'm funny that way my floor needs to be swept and mopped everyday. After all I have four dogs, three of which are inside the house. That's another thing I worry about. Will they remember to feed the dogs. I don't want to come home to four dead dogs with their leg chewed off , a dead cat and a dead bunny with piles of shit in his cage. Oh yeah and piles of shit in the driveway for me to step in when I get home.

I love my kids but I have to admit they are lazy and don't do anything unless I yell at them three or four times. When you do ask them to do something they always whine about how come I have to do everything and my brother or sister which ever the case may be, doesn't have to do anything. Which is stupid because I'm the idiot that does everything.

After informing them of their grandmothers illness and that I was going to Canada to see her my teenage daughter asks me to buy her some clothes like I'm going on vacation or something. Can't really blame them for not having much emotion when it comes to grandma in Canada they've only seen her twice. The last being ten years ago.

It's a long trip good thing my son is following. I have made the trip a few times and I hate it. I hope the weather is warm, I can't stand the cold. Hopefully I don't catch the virus, that's all I need.

Micheal Jackson

2009-06-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

So as I was driving my kids to school this morning I heard that Micheal Jackson had suffered from a cardiac arrest and was hospitalized. In Malaysia we don't have the up to date news so the morning crew on FlyFm were not sure if he had died or not.

As soon as I got home I turned on CNN and sure enough Micheal was dead at 50. It was a bit like a punch in the gut really, as Micheal and I were born in the same year, he just looks better and younger then I do. I felt the tears prickle at the back of my eyes. I refused to cry though as if I did I would have humongous eye bags. It seems Micheal was addicted to prescription drugs. It is sad to think that such a musical icon is dead at such a young age.

I remember when the Jackson 5 started singing and I had been at a toss as to who I liked better, was it the Osmond's or the Jackson 5. Then Micheal came out with his song Ben and he blew the Osmond's out of the water. There was a few years when we didn't hear from the Jackson 5 but in the late seventies Micheal made a big come back and I have loved him ever since. His music rocked the world and the vibes were felt all the way to Malaysia. He had been so handsome back then but over the years he changed and became weird. I think he looked his best in the eighties and early nineties.

Then there was the child molestation allegations which sickened me because I have children of my own. I could not believe he could do such a thing. After that bad press or bad luck, just followed him. The Chinese have a saying, a person during their lifetime will have seven years good luck and seven years bad luck. I guess Micheal just hit his bad luck stage.

He was getting ready for a comeback tour when he died so he could have been entering his good luck stage again, or is it still bad luck since he died. What ever skeletons come out of the closet now that he is dead doesn't matter anymore, the world has lost one of the greatest entertainers of our time and any other shit that comes out will be like water under the bridge. So fair well Micheal you have entertained us for many years. You will be missed. May you rest peacefully at last.

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD

2009-06-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

So last month I saw in the newspaper that a 66 year old woman in Britain had invitro done so she could have a baby. The photo was of a women about eight months into the pregnancy. She looked pretty good for her age but don't ya think she's getting a little long in the tooth to be having a baby! As doctors in Britain refused to do it she went out of the country to have it done. Now I'm assuming she's not married as it doesn't mention a husband, maybe he already kicked the the bucket.

If she wanted to have a baby why didn't she do it while she was still in the sweet bloom of youth. To become pregnant at 66 is ludicrous. I mean most people retire at 65. When the kid is in its 20's she'll be 86. Raising children is hard work, you need to have some stamina and have your wits about you. I'm 51 this year and the thought of having another baby makes me want to wet my pants. Incontinence.

You have to be on top of things all the time, those little things will have ya coming and going. At my age I already have trouble with my memory. I can walk into a room three or four times before I remember why I went into the room in the first place. What if she suffers from Alzheimer's and forgets the baby, or leaves the baby in the super market. I know I'd be afraid of that happening.

She's said the doctor gave her a clean bill of health, she's always taken care of herself and she's never felt better. Well you wait lady by time you have the kid you'll be lucky if you don't have a heart attack on the delivery table. Not to mention that by the time the kid goes to school every one will think you it's grandmother. That kid will run you ragged and before you know it you'll be kicking yourself in the butt for doing it in the first place and wonder why you didn't opt to live out your life in peace and quiet.

Hot as Hell

2009-06-08T19:57:00.000-07:00

God the weather now adays is enought to make your scream. It is so goddamn hot. I do not have aircon in my living room to as I sit and write everyday I have sweat pouring down my face. I have sweat pouring between my boobs and I have sweat pouring between my butt cheeks. I know not a pretty picture but I just had to say it. IT'S HOT AS HELL AND I'M NOT HAPPY!

To make matters worse my to teens are home for two week mid term break so that makes it even more suckier. I can't concentrate when they have the tv blaring away. They don't even sit and watch one particular show they have to channel surf and ususally ends up on MTV. I don't mind MTV what I hate is channel surfers. Why the hell can't people sit and watch one goddamn show is beyond me. Why do people have to channel surf. I'll be sitting hear with half an ear on the tv while trying to think, I all of a sudden get interested in a programe they have started to watch then next thing you know its gone, they have changed the channel once again! Why can't they do something more constructive with their time like I don't know, study. One is sitting for SPM this year and the other is sitting for PMR and believe me neither one of them is Einstien.

Nope they'd rather spend their time irritating me and channel surfing while I'm sitting at my puter sweating my arse off and getting more irritated by the minute. If their not channel surfing then their bugging me to let them go somewhere and I usually have to drive. Like hello do you think I have all the time in the world to be driving your guys around.

This morning I got up and my whole body is aching. Feels like someone threw me on the floor and put the boots to me. My legs ache, my ass aches, my hips ache, my shoulders ache. God everything aches. I'm having trouble just sitting here now and writing my blog. All I can say is I can't wait for them to go back to school, I can't wait for it to rain so I can sit in my chair at my computer and not feel like I pissed my pants!

Spa Treat

2009-06-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

Mothers Day my son got me a gift certificate for a facial and a body massage, just what the doctor order. I love a good massage and a facial can't hurt either I am getting older and need all the help I can get. So last week I called and booked the appointment which was yesterday.

Now the facial was pretty good and they talked me into adding another RM68.00 for a machine treatment for my sagging skin. Hey anything to look younger. They actually informed me it would last for three days but I figure the effects must have worn off once they cleansed off the mask cause my face is still sagging. The massage on the other hand was a nightmare. Considering the amount of money my son forked out for this treat, I felt like asking for my money back. I don't know where the masseuse trained but the massage with a capital S, Sucked big time.

I mean if your going to charge almost RM150 for a one hour massage I expect the masseuse to be next to excellent. I've had RM50.00 massages that were better then that. Good thing I'm polite or I would have been telling the girl how to do massage. The girls I trained gave better massages then this girl did.

Of course once my treatment was done and they had me sitting with a glass of water and asking for payment, the extra RM68.00 for the machine treatment which was supposed to make me look younger, they asked if I wanted to purchase a package. No thanks I said, hell I don't need to be forking out RM1000 over to go and be tortured thank you very much. I can stay at home and be tortured by my kids. For free.

Quote of the day

2009-05-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I was telly the other night, a comedy show and the mother says with a totally straight face, "The reason why we have kids is so we won't be so afraid of dying." I nearly burst a gut when I heard that one in fact I want to make that quote my own.

Don't get me wrong I love my kids but somehow or other they manage to piss me off everyday of the week. The older three are ok it's the younger two. Now Jordan the baby of the family has the worst luck I have ever seen not to mention he's goddamn clumsy. Must be inherited from my side of the family. Last month he managed to get himself robbed. Lost two hand phones, his wallet with IC and managed to get hit on the head by the two thugs that robbed him. A week before that his bicycle along with two of his other friends was stolen from the tuition center. They were all three locked together and the chain was cut. Then last Friday he took his other old hand phone to school and it was confiscated. Tuesday I went to the school to claim back his phone and I also went and picked up his new IC. Last month he cycled out on his other bike, and got a flat tire and it's still sitting in the front with a flat tire. He tells me he doesn't have luck with bikes. I wanna tell him "boy you don't have luck with anything." I worry about that boy luckily I'm home to fetch him to and from school and tuition.

Robyn on the other hand what can I say. I noticed on her facebook she took some quiz to find out what God she is and it turns out she's Satan. Well hell I coulda told ya that! No need to take a quiz. Yesterday her tuition is canceled and she wanted to go to Chi Liung any way to meet her friend. I said no. Five o'clock she was ready to go. I said to her "I thought I said no" then she launches into her repetitive song and dance on how I always fetch her brother everywhere he wants to go and that I always let him go out. That woman has short term memory. She forgets that she hangs out at the mamak after her tuition every week, she's never home on the weekends, well maybe one, the weekend I spent at my other daughters house while her husband was at some retreat, she didn't have a ride and she won't ask her brother. So I just grabbed my keys and wallet and sunglasses and sent her. I mean how do you argue with Satan?

So next week school holidays start and they will be off for two weeks. God I hate this. She tells me she's going to spend the two weeks studying for her SPM. Uhha I say, right. Yes she insists she is going to study. Well we'll just see. I can see the writing on the wall. She'll end up bugging my ass to let her go out everyday. Because there is one thing I'm sure of Satan is predictable.

Neighbours do we really need them

2009-05-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

So living in a link house your neighbours are only a fence away. For me personally I'd prefer them to be two miles away. Maybe it's just me being cranky I really don't bother much about my neighbours and what they do, I'm not the nosey bitch who lives next door. I am not a bosom buddy to my neighbours some I'm not on speaking terms.

The neighbour to my left is ok. A young family with three little boys. Husband and wife work so they have a maid. The boys are actually good boys and are polite, but regular as clock work they'll be out in the front of the house either playing badminton or kick ball at five o'clock in the evening. That doesn't bother me, what bothers me is the ball or shuttle cock ends up in my yard like every five minutes and then they stand outside and holler at me to get the damn ball or shuttle cock. I have told them to come in and get it themselves but as soon as they hop the fence my dogs start barking like hell. My one dog does not like them and I don't know why and they are afraid of the dog. When they are playing outside I keep my dogs in the house as I know the boys are afraid of them and I really want to put my foot down the dogs throat when she keeps barking.

Then there is the neighbour on my right. An old couple who's kids are grown up. Three are living in the States and the eldest son is still at home. My Great Dane can't stand the old bitch and neither can I. The problem with her is that my Dane charges her every time he sees her pop her head over the fence. The fence is high enough that the dog can't jump over it is also high enough so I don't have to see her. Many times I have been out in the back hanging clothes only to look up to this face with wild hair staring cock at me. Goddamn she scares me no wonder she scares the dog. Knowing her when she is watering her trees she probably sprays my dog. One day when I was in the kitchen the dog was barking I looked out into the back and saw her with a big stick banging the top of the fence. Now this is my back yard which is all fenced in and I think that I should be able to let my dog run free. If I walk her some neighbours complain so I have given up walking her.

Another thing I don't understand. The son got married last year and I never see his wife. He bought a house a few doors down from his parents and renovated it. It's a beautiful home and yet he still goes home to mommy's house every night and I have not seen his wife since they got married. Oh sure shortly after the wedding she was their for like a week but after that never saw her again. Most probably can't stand the mother in law. I mean after all three of her kids studied in the States and never came back. A lot of mornings I can hear her and her eldest son arguing. That's gotta give you an idea about what kinda woman she is.

If I had the money I would build my fence higher so she can't stand at the fence staring into my backyard. Talk about nosey. She better leave my dog alone or I'll cut down her damn pine tree that drops needles all over my back yard. Yep neighbours should be at least two miles away.

I Joined Face Book

2009-05-22T21:09:00.000-07:00

Now this is really a bitch. I just noticed that my last blog entery has a spelling error in the title and I can't for the life of me figure out how to change it and it's irritating the hell out of me!!! Damn!!!

Anyway the other day I joined Facebook for strictly mercenary reasons, to promote my articles on Helium and try to generate more money. LOL Robyn thinks I joined to stalk her what the hell. I don't need to stalk her on Facebook I can do that very well at home. Just because I commented on one of her enteries. I thought you were supposed to comment when the mood arose or why else would they have the stupid little comment button if they didn't want you to comment. She commented "nothing much to do today" and I commented back "why don't you study". Now is that any reason for her to get her panties in a bunch ?huh !I ask you. I asked for her email address before so I could send her some good jokes she said I don't need it. WTF its not like I can go in and read her emails. Hell if I want I can read her blogs and I can see what she writes on Facebook all her bloody conversations she has with her friends turn up in my email inbox. Geeze Louise. Kids are so paranoid.

Anyway I'm getting the hang of Facebook getting to know my way around luckily its not that difficult. Managed to post two articles. So far only my son has read one that figures. My supporter. Robyn will read it to make sure I don't talk about her, she gives so much material to write about. Today when I went inside I noticed two people wanted to be added to my list of friends. One was my cousin in Canada and another is this man with a lot of hair on his face. Don't know if I should add him or not. My son says to be careful as there are alot of con artists on Facebook. Maybe I will add him after all I'm not that stupid to be conned. Every day I get Nigerian emails asking me to share in millions all I have to do is give them my details. Right like thats going to happen. One of my friends got conned. I warned her but would she listen no. Dumb ass. She said she was in love. Now I ask you how the hell do you fall in love with some asshole you just met online and talked too for a few months???? Go figure.

Liceenced to Drive

2009-03-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

This past month my sixteen year old daughter, Robyn, has been asking me to teach her to drive. The first time she mentioned it I could feel my hair stand on end and my bowels contract. I am not a good passenger at the best of times. I did not teach my elder three to drive and I don’t intend to start now with the younger two.

Even when I sit shotgun in my eldest daughter’s car or my eldest son’s car my foot is firmly planted on an imaginary break. I am not a good passenger. I do not want to die in a fiery car crash; I would rather go peacefully in my sleep.

So I tell her to ask her brother to teach her or better still wait till your seventeen and go to driving school, which is a requirement anyways. I tell her I am not paying for it as I did not pay for the older three to take their lessons. They had to work to earn the money to pay for said lessons. Of course this does not make her happy. She does not want to ask her big brother to teach her. Those two have a love hate relationship. While they do love each other she thinks her brother is always getting in her face about, gee I don’t know, responsibility, morals, manners, passing her SPM, silly stuff like that. As for paying for her own lessons, well I thought that one up long time ago to buy myself time before they actually get to drive.

I am a worrier; I am always afraid one of my children will have an accident and die in a fiery car crash. I remember my eldest son when he wanted a bicycle. I said no he was in standard four at that time. My husband on the other hand went out and bought him his bike and every time he rode out I worried.

I worry now about my youngest son cycling. I also worry when my daughter tells me I drive like a turtle. All her friends she informs me drive fast and she has gotten used to it. I just look at her and think “keep talking girl and you won’t be going out with your friends any more”. This does not make me feel any better.

I remember Robyn when she first started crawling. The second day she had climbed two flights of steps and when I found her she was sitting on the edge of the highest step with a big old grin on her face. I remember her first birthday; we had bought her a plastic ride toy. There had been a bar at the back for a toddler to push the toy. Even though she had not started walking yet as soon as she saw that toy she stood up grabbed the bar and started running around the room. She walked from that day forward.

She has always been head strong. It’s not that I don’t want her to drive; I would prefer her to wait until she is more mature. That she understands the consequences of driving like an idiot or driving drunk or speeding. The young think their indestructible, and so with that said I think I have a few more years to go before I start to worry.

Earth Day

2009-03-28T20:53:00.000-07:00

So Saturday 28 March at 8:30 pm to 9:30 pm Malaysians were asked to turn off their lights for one hour. The time approached and my kids and I prepared candles to light when the lights went out.

At the appointed time we dutifully turned out the lights, I mean any little thing we can to help save to planet and stop global warming is fine with me. Turning out the lights for hour at an appointed time was advertised since the beginning of the month in newspapers, television, radio and internet. So not many can say they didn’t know.

After turning out the lights we went outside and noticed that our street which has around thirty houses, only four of us had turned out the lights. Across the field I can see Klang town and it seemed to be lit like a Christmas tree. Oh how disappointed I was!

I knew that not many Malaysians would participate. Oh sure KL Tower and the Twin Towers made a big show of turning out the lights. Even one of the local banks in Kuala Lumpur turned off their lights at 6:30 Friday night in support of earth day. That’s a good sign but I have to say their employees didn’t suffer. Hell they got to go home early!!!!!!

I have lived in Malaysia for 27 years and consider it my second home, but I have to say most Malaysians leave me cold. Malaysians have gotten to the point that they refuse to suffer for even one hour. No aircon, no internet and no TV have gotten to be a hardship. With their factories spewing out smoke, destruction of the rain forests and the selling of endangered species Malaysia is one of those countries near the top of the list. Its sad to think that they really don’t care about how they are leaving behind the world for the younger generation. Shame on you Malaysia!

Happy New Year

2009-01-04T18:31:00.000-08:00

Wow can't believe it's 2009 already. The older I get time seems fly by faster. The kids are now back in school. Yeaaaaaaaaah! Robyn in form 5, Jordan in form 3. Have to start cracking the whip. One doing SPM this year and one doing PMR. I have been busy writing on Helium and now the kids are back in school will hopefully find time to write on my blog. Sometimes difficult to find things to write about though. Since I haven't been working got no boss to complain about. Hahaha!

I got a new dog and he is very small. I rescued him. I call him Jack and he is doing nicely. He is either miniature pincer or Chihuahua. Not sure. His coloring is black and brown, so maybe he's black pincer and brown pincer mix. He's smaller then my cat anyways and can be a bit snarky sometimes. Like if he sits on my lap he'll bite anyone who tries to touch him. Talk about jealous worse then the kids.

So now it's Jan 5 and I hope everyone in Malaysia is now buckling up in the back seat heavy fine of RM300 for not doing so and by July they will start to fine RM2000, if they remember that is.

Long time

2008-12-14T19:24:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I wrote on my blog, don't know if anyone missed my whining or not. Anyway I've been busy writing articles online. Too bad I haven't made much money yet. If I don't start making enough money soon may have to look for a real job oh horrors!

Was offered a job in KL but they weren't going to pay me enough, hell what they wanted to pay wouldn't be enough to drive there. Any way with the world wide economic crisis I guess it won't be easy for me to get a job, lets face it the first industries that will be affected is the beauty industry. We don't really need to go to the Spa. That's a luxury. Right.

So I've been getting ready for Christmas most of my gifts are bought, didn't buy much on a budget. Life sucks sometimes. Robyn is working so at least she can go to Aeon everyday and I don't have to give her money Hahahahaha! This week going to get Jordan painting the grills in preparation for Chinese New Year. It's not far off.

Buckling Up

2008-12-04T17:49:00.000-08:00

By end of this month Malaysians are expected to buckle up in the back seat. Now I have addressed this issue in the past and seems I was right.

At first people where asking what if I only have three seat belts in the back? Most obvious answer would be to carry only three passengers in the back, right. The government then decided it was ok to have four people in the back seat of the car, three people must buckle up the fourth of course doesn't need to. Then a few days later they said if you get pulled over then the driver will be fined for over loading.

Now does it really make sense, if the fourth person is unbuckled might as well not ask anyone to buckle in the back.

So yesterdays newspaper all those lower income families who can't afford to go and buy a bus to trasport their families around were complaining. I only drive an Iswara, only three seat belts in the back I have four kids, what can I do leave one at home everytime we go out? Another one complained that he had four kids, his wife and mother. So was he expected to leave his mother home with one kid?

So I guess the answer to the question for those people out there who don't have kids yet, stop having so many kids if you can't afford to buy a bus!

Just one or those f***ing days

2008-11-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

So have your ever have one of those days when everything that can go wrong did go wrong. Well yesterday was one of those days. I seem to be having a lot of them lately and starting to feel like someone is out to get me.

I bid for an online job only the second one I ever bid on and got. Trouble started when I couldn't open the file. I called Justin he was out of office so he couldn't help me. I forwarded the message to him, and he finally got to check it at around 2 pm he had no trouble opening it so he sent it back to me. Trouble was the electricity in the house went out at 1 pm and didn't come back until 9:30 pm.

It did come back for about 20 mins at around 5 pm but went out again. So at 9:30 pm tried to log on again and the Internet connection was out and didn't come back until this morning around 9 pm. So with all that happening I was out over RM 200.00. NOW DOESN'T THAT JUST SUCK THE BIG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still can't open the file!!!!!!!!!!

Aging

2008-11-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

A lot of Hollywood actesses resort to cosmetic surgery to retain that bloom of youth. Look at Madonna, Jane Fonda, Joan Collins, Elisabeth Taylor to name a few. But when is it time to stop with the face lifts.

The other night I was watching "That Seventies Show" and the latest cast member to join is Mary Tyler Moore. Now I used to watch her in "The Dick Van Dyke Show", then she had her own show called "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" she was also in a few movies one which comes to mind is "Ordinary People". In this movie she still looked ok but the other night when I saw her I just shook my head. While her face looks young no doubt as a result of numerous face lifts, botox and skin peelings she is a character of the woman she used be. She must certainly be in her seventies by now and while she is slim she has the posture of an old lady. She also has the wrinkled neck of an old lady and her hair while died a light redish brown is thinning. I looked at her and just wanted to cry and tell her to give it up.

While Madonna can still get away with it someone of Mary's age should have let things go south, because she does not look attractive at all. She just looks gross, and when she opened her mouth to talk out came the reedy voice of an old woman. I'd just like to say when is enough, enough.

Wow long time

2008-11-17T18:13:00.000-08:00

Wow it's really been a long time since I wrote in my blog. I've been busy writing articles and yesterday I made another USD32 for one of my articles. I was so happy. It sure is hard work all this writing though, I work harder at this then I did at my last job.

My writing site has a contest going on and I keep bouncing up and down from 3rd place to 1st place to 5th place to 2nd place, just like a yoyo. So today is the last day and yesterday I was in 3rd place hopefully I can stay there.

I have started my novel hopefullly it goes well and I can publish it after it's done. I'm sure writing this book will pull a gut. Wish me luck.

Plagerism

2008-11-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

While writing online it is so difficult to get information with out sounding like someone else. So as I write articles I am terrified of plagiarising some one elses work.

With every topic you research there are at least 5o websites on the topic all pretty much saying the same thing. So it's pretty difficult to put a new slant on it. One the sites I write on we have to do ratings of other peoples articles. While I try not to be to harsh on other people, I know how difficult it is to write, there have been a few articles I have rated and noted they had used someone elses article word for word. I know because doing research I read the same article. I just let it pass though let some other whistle blower do the dirty job of reporting it. After all most of us are just in this for the money Hahahahaha. Since I started writing though I find I have a real passion for it. I work harder at this then I ever did at my last job.

Check Out The Two Silly Dudes

2008-11-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

I haven't been entering a blog on a daily basis of late because I have been concentrating on my writing. I have a few sites that I write for and so try to hammer out articles at a rate of 2-3 a day.

Anyway the kids are now on school holidays. Robyn is doing something constructive such as working. Yes she is now working at Aeon her favorite hang out place. Jordan is sitting around bored. He likes to spend the night at friends houses, and what they do I do not know. I do know that they don't actually sleep. Last Friday he came home from his friends house with another friend. The cycled up at 8:30 in the morning and informed me that they hadn't slept the whole night and now wanted to follow Robyn to Aeon. I asked them if didn't need to get some sleep and they said no, they weren't tired. And so this is what happened at Aeon.

There Back!!!!!!

2008-11-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

There back, those ugly little things that like to hitch a ride on your dog and suck blood, the disgusting little tick. I hate them with a passion. There have been times when I was working I did not notice until the whole floor was infested with them.

There seem to be three types, the triangular red ones, the little black ones and the big ugly gray ones that get left behind on the floor after your dog has spent time biting and licking themselves. They lay there like some kind of seed with legs. Ugh!!! These ones get special attention from me as I enjoy picking them up in tissue and squashing them making sure it will never suck blood again.

There was the time my poor Great Dane was so infected with them that after giving her a tick bath the poor wee thing lay on her side outside while thousands of them abandoned ship. I was afraid the poor dog was going to or go nuts. Last year I started putting "Tick and Flea collars on all three dogs and it really does keep the tick population from growing. So now I guess it's time to replace the old collars and get new ones. I'll get my son to give them all a tick bath first. Thank god the Great Dane doesn't have them yet.

Mrs. Obama's Dress

2008-11-07T18:48:00.000-08:00

So the election is finally over and everyone is happy about Obama winning, but what the hell is the matter with people? Who cares what his wife wore. I actually thought she and the two girls where co-ordinated quite nicely.

To my way of thinking people or women in particular should be more worried about the economy instead of worrying about what the future first lady is wearing. If you compare her to Sarah Palin the one who supposedly spent USD150,000.00 on her wardrobe I'd rather give Mrs. Obama applause for wearing off the rack.

I know the first lady will be in the public eye a lot but with the whole world going through a recession she is taking the lead and proving you don't have to spend a bomb to look nice. I say leadership by example. You Go Girl!

President Obama

2008-11-06T20:04:00.000-08:00

Now I am as white as white can be. My mothers family came from England, my mother was born in Canada so she second generation, my dad came from Holland, so what does that make me first generation or third generation? Who cares, as I said my back ground is made up of anal retentive English and drunken dutch.

So why is it that when Barrack Obama became the first ever African American President I cried. Tears of joy that is. I'm not even American for Christ's sake. I don't really follow politics more or less skim the headlines to see what is actually going on in this world. Fact of the matter is I know more about whats going on in America then I know about what's going on in Canada. Off the top of my head I couldn't even tell you who the Canadian Prime Minister is. That's pretty sad. I mean all the news reports online are all about the States and a few other European countries. Canada must be doing pretty good since I don't see anything written about them.

So it seems every one in the world is happy about Obama winning. Even our Malaysian Prime Minister mad a statement. Did your read it? He said even minorities can become leaders of a country. Now that has to be the biggest joke of the century. Do you think a Chinese will become Prime Minister of Malaysia or an Indian Prime Minister. Is that Badawi's prediction for the future.Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't make me laugh!

My House

2008-11-05T18:59:00.000-08:00

I love my house and I can sit inside all day vegging out on the sofa watching TV. But I have to tell you the quality of building materials now a days and the quality of work put into the houses SUCKS!!!!!!

Now my father in laws house is around 30 to 40 years old and that house is still standing solid, although it should have fallen down by now with all the bullshit that goes on in that house.

My house on the other hand is only 10 years old. Two years ago I had to have it treated for termites. Now I loath termites after having a bad experience with them. Before we moved here we had lived in my husbands grandfathers house. A week or so after my husband passed, the ceiling in my bedroom dropped down on my bed in the middle of the night. Luckily I had gotten up to wee, and heard the noise while sitting on the toilet. When I went back to my bed it was covered in ceiling and termites. YUCK!!!!!!!!!

Back to my house, after calling in the termite people and after them drilling holes through the floor all over my house I still have termites so now they have to come in every month to check and spray. Why do I have still have termites, well probably because my neighbour has them and those little bugger walk across the wooden beams that join our houses, their like visitors from hell.

Another thing I noticed recently is my ceiling in the living room is has water spots. My bathroom adjoined to my bedroom is situated in that area. So much for waterproofing. I just hope the water doesn't soak into the light that is there and electrocute us when we switch on the light.

Then there is the tiles in the kitchen buckling off the wall. By the sink. Then the other day I notice a crack along the tiling in my shower so this morning out of curiosity I pushed them and sure enough those too are buckling off the wall. SIGH!!!!!!!!!!

So as I said the quality of workmanship has gone down the tubes and that's why people keep moving cause once their house starts falling apart they sell it off to move into a new house to start the process all over again.

Yoga

2008-11-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

Well the other day I read in the paper that now they want to ban Muslims form practicing Yoga. Now I don't know about you, but in an attempt to protect Islam the Malays are being banned from so many things. In my blog I normally stay away from saying anything political but guess this is the last straw.

Yes Yoga stems from Hinduism but frankly speaking the yoga they teach in Yoga Zone is not going to upset any ones religious sensibilities. The Christians are also jumping on the Yoga band wagon as well, with some ministers saying that Christians shouldn't practice Yoga.

Give me a break what harm can a bunch of stretching exercises have on any ones religion. It's just stretching and good for your health. If this keeps going on Malaysia can no longer say that it is a progressive Islamic country that is tolerant.

Poetry

2008-10-30T19:20:00.001-07:00

I got this email this morning asking me to try my hand at poetry. Well you know the old saying, "Your a poet but didn't know it." That doesn't apply to me.

There is one poem that sticks in my mind from my childhood days centuries ago, and I have never forgotten it. My grandfathers brother was an artist and his second wife was an artist as well. Whether they made a living from their work I do not know but aunt Eleanor subsidised her earning by giving lessons.

Anyways to get back on track shortly after she married my great uncle we paid them a visit. At that time her mother lived with them as well as her mothers spinster sister who was a retired school teacher. They oohed and ahhed over my sisters and myself and gave us a notebook and pencils. Inside my notebook the school teacher had written this poem which I thought was cute.

I don't like to teeter with Peter
Because he's so heavy and fat
Whenever I teeter with Peter
He bounces me off where I sat
I like better to teeter with Mary or Harry
For they are no fatter then I
We can make the teeter go faster then Peter
And Peter can never see why.

I'm on YouTube

2008-10-29T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's really funny the way things go. Last month I applied for a blogging job at a site called 'allwomanstalk'. My article had been 'Do Anti-aging Products Really Work.'

After submitting my article I waited for a reply, and two weeks later one came. They said my article had been accepted. They also sent an online form to fill out asking how many hours a day can you spend on writing and how much you expect to earn in a month. The greedy soul that I am I said I wanted to earn USD500 a month. I sent off the application form, told all my kids and never heard from them again.

Oh well I thought just pursue other avenues. Which I have done. Then yesterday I got an email from them saying that I had been chosen as one of the top 100 American Bloggers. Never mind that I'm not American, I'm Canadian, I guess close enough.

So I opened the YouTube clip and sure enough there is my picture along with 99 others. Unfortunately the picture was taken from this blog site. The one eyed picture, so if you've never read this blog you wouldn't know who it was. That doesn't matter though, what matters is I was selected, I have some mediocre of recognition for the hard work I have been putting into my writing these past few months. It doesn't matter that I didn't get paid what matters most to me is that I have hope, that maybe I can make some money with my articles.

That's all we really need though isn't it.

Happiest Day of My Life Because of Helium

2008-10-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

Since losing my job I have gone online in search of ways to make money from home. I've checked all the sites and finally decide to try writing articles.

It started with this blog. I informed my kids to tell all their friends and colleagues to check out my blog site and got favorable feed back. I then found this site called Helium and have been submitting articles there.

Last week they gave me a premiere writer shield, the other day I got a star for one of my articles. So this morning when I opened my email I had another email from Helium informing me that I had sold one of my articles. I have not been wasting my time!!! Which is so good to know. I have found I enjoy writing and when you submit articles for sale it is the greatest feeling in the world to know that your article was good enough, that someone would want to buy.

So now I can keep on writing and hopefully more articles will be sold and all my hard work will pay off. Thanks to my kids for all their support because without them this wouldn't be possible.

Deepavali

2008-10-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Deepavali and so I was invited to my neighbours house. An old friend of mine also called me, we hadn't seen each other for a couple of years. She is Chinese married to a Punjabi and so she invited me to her husbands house.

After I paid a visit to my neighbours I went to visit my friend and you know the beer was flowing. I had good time but left rather late.

That's always a problem with me, Chinese New Year or what ever open house is going on and I'm invited I tend to stay too long. With the beer flowing and catching up on lost time you have a tendency not to realize what time it is and over stay your welcome. Every time I go I tell myself don't burden people by staying too long, trouble is I forget and it happens again. I don't do it to everyone only those I feel comfortable with. She called me this morning, and I apologised and she told me not to worry that she and her husband were happy to see me.

So now she has invited me to her sisters place next Saturday for the nieces' 1st birthday. Hopefully I behave myself and don't over stay.

Agism

2008-10-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

Saturday met up with my friend in Bangsar and we had a few beers and had a bitching session. She too is a Beauty Therapist working in that thankless profession, longer then I have been.

She just started a new job and the pay is crap, much too low for her number of years working. The Beauty Industry in Malaysia is basically dominated by the Chinese and the young. When you get to our age its more difficult to get a job especially as a therapist. At our ages we don't want to be therapists, we should be managing, but because we don't speak Mandarin or Cantonese it still makes it difficult to find work. My friend is Punjabi. So she has to settle for crappy jobs with crappy pay.

It's sad really, because if you hire an older person with experience and pay us well, you get a staff that won't run off after a few months because something better has come along, you get a wealth of experience and someone who will treat your business like their own, ensuring that your business runs smoothly and efficiently. Instead you all prefer hire the young ones who will run off as soon as they have gained experience.

Eye Bags

2008-10-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel about eye creams.

This morning as I check my email and now at my blog sight I noticed there are a lot of ads and questions asking "What eye cream is the best?" Well I'm here to tell you that there are not many eye creams out there that really work.

If you saw my birthday pictures posted here you can see for yourself, because I've tried them all, and yet I still want to believe. I guess like everyone I'm as gullible. I have been in the beauty industrial for almost 20 years and still I get conned into buying eye creams that ultimately don't work.

When your eye bags look like suitcases it only stands to reason that an eye cream is not going to shrink those puppies. The only hope for people like me with eye bags this big is surgery. Smoking all those years probably didn't help.

Problem is though when ever you check out those sites to actually find out which eye cream is the best they really don't tell you and also inform you to go out and buy every eye cream around, trial and error so to speak. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I have a drawer full of eye creams which did not work and which I have chucked inside for the next best thing.

So to prevent eye bags, don't smoke, don't drink, get lots of sleep, don't drink a lot of coffee or carbonated drinks, drink plenty of water and eat foods rich in anti oxidants. God what a boring life.

I guess I should be thankful for one thing, over the years I have always worn sunglasses in the shade, used eye cream and stayed out of the sun as much as possible, so a least I don't have noticeable crows feet.

Ugly World

2008-10-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

When I turn on my computer everyday it automatically logs in to MSN. I actually use yahoo, but MSN has some pretty good news stories so I start out by reading some.

Today On MSN there is a news story about a TV anchor woman, Anne Pressly, who was almost beaten to death in her apartment. Everyone said she was a nice woman and everyone loved her. There was no evidence of a break in, but she had been robbed. She is a beautiful woman and her career is just starting, so who could have done such a foul, insane thing.

Today the world can be so ugly at times when you are not even safe in your own apartment, never mind out on the streets. There are stories of young girls being kidnapped , beaten, raped and forced into prostitution. Purse snatching is rampant and old ladies can be killed for a lousy few bucks in their pockets or a gold chain around their neck. I fear for my daughters every time they're not at home. The older ones are cautious because they have lived long enough and read too many horror stories. I fear for the youngest one who is so blaze about many things. Every time my son cycles to school I fear for him, because drivers on the road today drive like idiots, and when he's late coming back from school I sit on pins and needles waiting for him to come home.

Kids now a days are spoiled yes, but giving them a hand phone is actually a good thing in this day and age. At least if they are late you can call them or they can call you. Many a time a hand phone has saved someones life. They should be allowed to take them to school provided they do not spend their time smsing their friends when they should be studying.

Yes we live in a scary world, and my kids decide to bless me with grandchildren I will be here to babysit, because sometimes you can't even trust the crazy maids.

Birthday Dinner

2008-10-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

Dawn, Justin and mommy ( unfortunatly don't have Pei Shins picture)

Ronald and future mommy

Robyn and mommy (check out the wrinkly arms)

Pretty sure I'm looped

Look at the flames on that cake!

Me and my chicks ( only one missing)

Dawn and mommy ( half looped by now)

Birthday Girl ( check out the eyebags)

Dawn and mommy

So sunday evening we went out for dinner and all had a good time. Only thing missing was Jade, because she's saving the rest of her leave to come home for christmas. All my working children gave me money and told me I have to blow it all on myself. Trouble is I'm not used to blowing that much money on myself. They gave me some idea's such go to a spa, buy designer sun glasses, I actually need to test my eyes again so maybe I'll get some new eye glasses. I could buy a hand bag or maybe I could get teeth. Mine are sadly lacking at the back of my mouth, on second thought maybe not enough money to get teeth I need so many, Hahaha. Pei Shin gave me a novel, Dean Koontz, my next favorite author after Stephen King. We had a nice dinner and Dawn and Alex brought a nice bottle of vodka. Justin bought the cake. I always tell them no need to buy a cake, they always sing Happy Birthday at the resturant. Nothing like telling everyone your turning 50.

I said in my previous blog that I am not sucessful but when I look at my children I think I'm pretty damn sucessful. I have raised responsible sucessful children.

Only blight of the evening is Justin and I had a disagreement about me having a cigarette. I know, I'm quitting but at the resturant I saw this lady out side smoking and it was driving me nuts, I don't know why and I just had to have one. Of course Justin gave in. Momma's boy LOL.

Happy 50th

2008-10-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

Well today is the long dreaded day. The day I was born, 50 years ago. I have been feeling depressed at the thought of turning 5o and so when I woke up this morning it was just another day and nothing has changed. I feel the same and look the same.

Your 50th birthday should be a time of reflection and as I reflected about my life, while hanging the clothes, I have not achieved much in this life. Twenty years down the road I'll still be hanging clothes on the line, I still won't be successful at anything.

The question is do we have to be a great success to give our lives more value, more meaning. No. As long as you go through life and can say you did your best, you are a decent human being, do not intentionally harm others, this does not make your life any less meaningful. You do not have to care what other people think of you, as long as your children think much of you, is enough.

So on this day Robyn and Jordan inform me they didn't buy me a present. I'm not surprised, so I tell them they can cook me breakfast. Robyn tells me she will bring in the clothes and fold them and Jordan can cook me breakfast. So I sit for over an hour waiting for my food, both are watching TV. When I can no longer take the hunger pains I ask where is my breakfast. Robyn tells Jordan to cook my breakfast and he starts arguing with her about who is supposed to cook my breakfast. Typical, so much for Birthday surprises. I mean there's no surprise there, the two of them fighting over what should have been done with love. Robyn finally tells her brother that she is bringing in the clothes and folding them and that is why he is to cook breakfast. I finally got my breakfast cooked by Jordan he even washed the dishes up. At least he didn't leave them for me to wash.

To night the older kids are taking me out for dinner. A nice restaurant in PJ called The Carnival. It is a buffet style dinner and the waiters go around to your table and slice off slabs of meat onto your plate. Side dishes are at the food bar. We went there once before and the food was great and very filling. All you can eat. I'm looking forward to going again.

Writing Articles

2008-10-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

I have been submitting articles on line for the past month now. I usually go to Helium or Constant Content. Helium will have a few buyers listed who want articles for certain subject matter and will set price for the article they choose. Can be anywhere from USD24 up to USD32. Not bad if you get chosen. My articles have not been chosen but have been absorbed by Helium.

Now Helium has a ratings system where by other authors on the site evaluate your work. So far I have submitted 4 articles and one article I was rated 14 out of 16 submitted and 1 out of 6 articles that have been submitted. Another article I am the only one who submitted an article so that makes me numero uno. Hahaha. Yesterday I submitted another article so have not checked to see how I was rated.

When your article is used by Helium they have a pay per click system meaning that every time someone reads your article you get 1 cent. So far I have 1 cent.

Now over to Constant Content. I have submitted numerous articles and every time I have been rejected, reason being grammar and punctuation. Now it infuriates me because the articles I have submitted are pretty well written not perfect but certainly better then some of the other crap I see submitted by other people on that sight. Sometimes I feel like going into their forum and screwing them up and down, don't, because I do not want to get kicked out just yet. At least not until I find another good site I can submit my articles to other then Helium.

So I shall go through all my articles, and proof read them again, to see if I can spot the faults. If not I should send them to my daughter Jade who I sent to college to study Mass Com. Maybe she can spot the faults. I shall keep on writing and hope I can make more then 1 cent.

How Green is Too Green

2008-10-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

I love making dolls, and at one point I sold my dolls. The problem was, the dolls were all hand knitted and a lot of work. It used to take me about one week to finish one doll, so when you have a deadline for 30 dolls, you end up knitting night and day. My dolls were baby dolls with movable arms and legs and clothing that could be put on or taken off. So lately the doll bug has bitten me but I do not want to knit dolls.

This has taken me to check doll making sites for cloth dolls that can be sewn by machine. Now some of the sites I have gone to, the dolls are fantastic. It's amazing what they can do with cloth.

My blog is not about dolls today, it's actually what I came across when I was surfing the web. Now I noticed that a lot of sights are promoting 'How To Go Green'. Now I'm all for going green, you know saving our resources and recycling, saving our planet, but there is one thing I draw the line at, and that is making your own reusable pads out of cloth. There actually is a site that tells you all about it. Ah ya right.

I've hit menopause now, and don't have to worry about that, but I'm thinking about my daughters and all the other woman out there that still need to use them. So, say you do start using them, what happens when you got to work ,or school, or even shopping. Do wash them out in the sink?, or do you have a special bag you put them in, then throw in your purse and bring them home to wash? That would sure give a purse snatcher a shock when he starts fumbling around in your bag. Maybe it could be a deterrent.

Now don't ya think it would be a bit inconvenient? We just came out of the dark ages why go back. Wouldn't that limit what a woman could do. Now my mother told me once that my grandmother, back in the day, used rags, hence the expression 'on the rag". She can remember my grandmother washing them out and drying them in front of the fire place, in the winter time and out on the clothesline in the summer. Ewwwwwwwwwww! For my grandmother that was ok, because she didn't have a job, so could you imagine having them hanging around (in Malaysia very few people have hot air dryers) and having unexpected guests pop in. I mean nothing like advertising.

As I said I'm all for going green but that's were I draw the line.

Chain Letter

2008-10-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sure many of you out there have received the dreaded chain letter, whereby you have to send out 6 copy's to all your friends, or suffer the dire consequences. So I got this chain letter many years back which I'm writing here for you all to read. It's one of the funniest I've ever gotten.

This letter was started by a woman, like you, in the hope of bringing relief to a tired and discontented wife. Unlike most chain letters , this does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this to five of your friends who are equally tired. Then bundle up your husband and send him to the woman at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,478 men and some of them are bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

Do not break this chain----------------------------- have faith!

One woman broke the chain and got her own Son of a Bitch back. At the date of writing, a friend of mine received 183 men. They buried her yesterday but it took three undertakers thirty-six hours to get the smile off her face.

Hot Days

2008-10-14T18:15:00.000-07:00

The weather has been really hot this past month, it's enough to make me faint. With no air con in the house it feels even worse. That's the one good thing about working, at least I can sit in air con most of the day and freeze. I don't know if I feel the heat more because of menopause, there may still be some hormonal action left yet.

So it's days like these that I think about home. Canada, in the winter time, spring and autumn. Days where you can put on a sweater and go out for a walk and feel comfortable.

I remember as a kid my mother was very big on throwing us outside everyday for fresh air, whether we wanted to go or not. Wasn't an option. Now I don't know if that is what she really believed, or she just couldn't stand us in the house, while she had her nervous break downs.

My sister and I would play outside for hours. We had a huge tree in the yard were my father had hung an old tire, so my sister and I and some of the neighbourhood kids would play on it for hours. How the old man got it up there without falling, and breaking his neck is beyond me, but some how he did it.

We loved that old tyre and we'd all pretend it was a space ship and we were aliens. We also had an old swing set, but we preferred the old tyre.

In the autumn we'd rake the leaves into a huge pile then run and jump into them. We had a lot of leaves on our property, because we had a lot of trees.

Even in the winter time my mother would throw us outdoors. The only time we could escape being thrown out in the snow, was when the thermometer hit below zero and the dog came in from outside, after her pee, with an icicle hanging from her you know what. When we went to my aunts house my cousin and I would go tobogganing. There was a pretty mean hill near his house, and we would build a bump of snow near the end of the hill, so that when we slid down, we'd hit that bump and go flying through the air. I'm surprised neither of us ended up with a broken arm. I guess with all the winter clothing on we were too well padded to be hurt.

There is one incident that sticks out in my mind about those days. I come from a family of 4 daughters , no sons and I am the eldest. My second sister and I were very close so when my third sister was born we were not close to her. Probably because when she was young she was very sickly and so my parents were more protective of her. My sister Cathy and I were jealous, so as she grew older we were mean to her and wouldn't let her play. Of course my mother never let us hear the end of that. Anyways on my third sisters birthday my parents bought her a new swing set. Cathy and I had taken over the old tyre. I think it must have been her 4 th birthday, so all the aunts and uncles and cousins were invited for the birthday party. My father had gone out, and set up the swing set for her, and once done we all went outside so Angela could have her first swing on her new swing set. She sat on the swing and started to swing and as she pumped higher and higher the swing set fell over, Angela ended up on the ground crying and Cathy and I were laughing like hell. My mom didn't think it was very funny and I can still feel the swat on my ass, that we both got, from mom for laughing.

How to Kill a South Dakota Eel

2008-10-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this joke which was sent to me many years back by my mother. Enjoy.

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like all other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a lot about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was, and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny , she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.

Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would, except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

I guess he was getting sick too because soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time Sis got worse, and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down to the end of the couch. That was when the fever started. I knew it was fever, because she told him she felt hot.

Finally, I found out what was making them sick. A big eel had got inside him somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.

When Sis saw it she got really scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen. (I should tell her about the ones down at the lake.) Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill it, the eel, by biting it's head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go and I guess it bit her back. When she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up one hell of a fight! Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I know it was dead, because it just hung there limp and some of it's insides were hanging out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to 'courting' anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess all eels are like cats, they have nine lives or something.

This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet!

Johnny's mother fainted..........

Changes

2008-10-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

The other day I was watching a comedy show. The wife and kids as well as the wife's brother and sister where waiting for the husband to come home. It was his birthday and they were waiting to surprise him with a cake and presents. Of course the husband knew but acted surprised anyways. His brother in law gave him tickets to a baseball game, his sister in law gave him a beer magazine subscription, his son gave him hand lotion, his two daughters gave him a knitted vest and his wife gave him a oil paint set.

He was happy with his in laws gifts, because he had told them what to buy for him, as for his wife and kids' gifts he pretended to like them but in fact did not. At night before bed the wife had set up his easel and paints and had wanted him to paint. He instead wanted to read his beer magazine.

The next day after work his small son who is only about 5 years of age, comes up to him and tells him he has another birthday present for daddy, that he had not picked out the hand cream, mommy had chosen the first gift. To which the father exclaims "my young son let me see it!", and so the boy pulls out a long stick with a bow attached, which he has found outside. Now the father loved this stick and carried it around with him everyday, which of course totally pisses off his wife, as he has not bothered about the other gifts. Finally she can take it no more and confronts him about the stick. "What is so great about that stick!" "What is wrong with the other gifts?" He then proceeds to tell her that the other gifts given to him and no doubt picked out by her, where her way of trying to change him, whereas the simple gift of the stick from his son did not require him to change and his son did not expect him to change. Of course in the end she finally gets it.

Now most of us at some point in our lives have tried to change the people we love. A wife will often try to change her husband, into the ideal man she wants, and when the man won't change trouble begins. You see people can change, but only if they want to. If you truly love a person you must except them for who they are, and not try and change them into someone you want them to be.

I leave off with a poem I read many years ago. I do not know who the author is, but I have always liked it.

Woman
was created from the rib of man
she was not made from his head
to top him
nor his feet
to be trampled on
She was made from his side
to be equal to him
from under his arm
to be protected by him
from near his heart
to be loved by him

Working Online

2008-10-09T19:22:00.001-07:00

In my never ending quest to find online jobs I run into more scams then actual jobs. Just now as I was reading other peoples blogs I came across one guys blog whereby he was bragging he got a S250.00 cheque form adsense. He paid USD9.90 for the book now the writer was giving it away for free. So I checked out the site and yes you get the book for free and he also wants to give another report for free a few other things for free. So went to sign up he also wanted my credit card number because one of the free things was for one month only after which I'd have to pay. I closed the window.

There are many people out there who want to work from home, the more you explore the Internet the more people you see who want to work from home. Not all of these people are lazy and want something for nothing. A lot of people want legitimate jobs they can do at home. Women who want to stay at home with their kids, handicapped and students all trying to earn a living. We are not expecting to become millionaires like a lot of these adds promise you. Data entry jobs are a lie and I came across a new one yesterday called Rebate Processing. Sounded good so of course I checked it out for scams. I do that now so I won't be cheated. Well low and behold another scam. A whole list of people were complaining about this site because they got scammed.

Lucky I didn't sign up. Data Entry sights are just another way for you to be conned into signing on for something else. As Justin said "who the hell is going to pay you USD25.00 to fill in one lousy form with a few lines. Point taken.

Weight Loss

2008-10-08T18:58:00.000-07:00

In the mornings, I usually buy a newspaper to catch up on whats going on in Malaysia today. It's always good to know whats happening in case I need to pack up and leave. Hahaha!

Usually the paper is full of adds which I dutifully read, and usually there are adds from the Weight loss specialists such as Marie France, MayFair, Terrime. Slim World to name a few.

I have worked in the Beauty Industry for many years and at some point during my career I have worked in a few slimming centres. I have seen over weight women, and women who think they are fat plonk down thousands of dollars to lose weight.

When the slimming salon sensation became popular in Malaysia back in the late eighties and early nineties women were willing to fork out thousands to lose weight. I had a friend who worked as a consultant for Marie France for 16 years and her sales target every month was RM200,000.00. Now that's individual sales, not group sales. She told me they would do anything to get these woman to sign up for a course. Every month she was stressed, so stressed that her hair started falling out. She was one of their number one sales people and one month had a pay check for around 18,000.00. That pay check is based mostly on commissions as the basic pay in these places is extremely low, so you can imagine the pressure on the consultant not to mention the dupe who walked into your salon just to inquire. If they didn't sign you that day, they would call and hound you until you did. Once you decided to sign up and said you had to go to your ATM to withdraw money, said consultant would follow you to the ATM to make sure you came back. The problem is, once you forked out RM40,000.00 for treatments most woman did not lose weight, yet time and again they would resign until reality hit them in the face like a stinking fish.

Now a days slimming treatments have become cheaper because of competition. The low prices I see in the newspaper are not really as cheap as they seem. As I mentioned I have worked in slimming salons so I know why they can seem to offer such low prices, but that's beside the point. The point I'm trying to make is that most of the time slimming treatments do not work.

In our society now, woman have no time to exercise or eat healthy and so they want to rely on slimming treatments. They want to believe. Now I ask you do you think you can lose weight by going for your treatment twice a week and still carry on eating your high calorie food and not exercising??? Slimming salons are now becoming smarter wherein they will advise you on food intake and ask you to exercise just to cover their asses when a client comes in and complains they have not lost weight. I have faced many clients, trying to explain to them why they are not losing the pounds. Its not a pretty sight and who can blame them. They think because they paid you all that money the weight should just drop off.

Wake up call ladies, if you want to lose weight and you have no under lying medical condition that causes you to gain weight, the best way to lose is to cut down on those calories and try to get some exercise. Also a good detox twice a month will help to clean out your sluggish system. Another thing don't lie to yourself that you are cutting down on calories because at the end of the day, you may be able to lie to friends and family, but ultimately you can't lie to yourself.

One Week of Hell

2008-10-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

So it's already one week since I decided to give up smoking. Oh it's hell. I haven't been totally smoke free but at least I'm down to a few a day. Give me time folks I'm trying I really am.

I was thinking I should try the patch, but I don't think it would work. The thing that gets my motor racing is that first drag when you inhale all the nicotine and carcinogens wow nothing like that feeling. So that's why I don't think the patch would help.

Sure the patch is supposed to help get rid of the cravings but what about the smoke itself? HUH! What about the fact that your holding that butt between your fingers.

My brother in law tried using Xanex and he managed to quit. He said it was actually an anti depressant that has the side effect that you no longer feel like smoking. He told me that 10 years ago when I was in Canada, and I don't know if they have the pill here in Malaysia. I should check it out.

It's times like this I wished I never started in the first place. I have been so focused on quitting that I didn't even realize it has been one week since I entered anything into my blog. Well I've made it this far I'll just have to try harder. Really try for that smoke free day.

I was actually thinking, they should have rehab centres for smokers. What they could do is admit you knock you out for a month, give you a feeding tube so you won't starve and leave you there. Then hopefully once you woke up the craving would be gone. Wouldn't that be nice!!!

There is at least one upside to not smoking (so much) at least I can breath easier and I'm not hacking myself to death at night. I'm even having these weird thoughts of exercise! Horrors! God it's just too healthy for me to think about! I must be hallucinating now.

This Is Hell

2008-10-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

So the other day I got to thinking ( I think I shouldn't think too much) that I will be turning 50 this month. Another 20 years from now I will be 70.

Now when your young 20 years seems far away but when you hit 50 , twenty years is not that far off at all. So this means my life is more then half over. So I got to thinking that if I continue to smoke I may not have another 20 years left at all.

Well in my new found wisdom I have decided to quit smoking!!! What my family might say, our mother the die hard smoker, the one who has smoked for 35 years of her life. Yes me and I have to tell you this is HELL!!!!!

I tried cold turkey and its killing me. So even though I have not bought any cigs for the past few days I do have a couple of packs of extra lights from Singapore that Jade brought last time she came home. They are soooo light every time you light it up you just want to throw it away because it really sucks. It's like sucking on air.

I decided on Tuesday to quit so I finished off the ciggies I had left over, the good ones, so that day I smoked 10 cigarettes. Yesterday I smoked 5 of the crapy ones and today who knows. Although I did sneak one of Justin's this morning. I just can't seem to kick the first thing in the morning cigarette. It is the most difficult. Frankly speaking I feel crappy, depressed and I also feel like going out and buying a pack and smoking myself to death right now! No need to wait 20 years to die. I'd happily go now for a decent smoke. Maybe I should try the patch or take a pill . Hopefully as each day goes by it will become easier. I hope so!!!!!

Gas Prices

2008-09-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

I saw in yesterdays paper that the price of gas has gone down by 10 cents a litre in preparation for the Raya balik kumpung.

Saturday several gas stations had run out of gas because they didn't stock pile for the Raya rush.
Reason given was that if they stock piled they would lose money. Now I can't in all honesty blame them. With the governments decision to lower and raise the petrol prices at whim we the consumer benefit but what about the petrol kiosk owners.

Is it fair to them that they are the ones who should have to take a fall, and once Raya is over will the price of gas go back up again. Most kiosk owners are just like you and I trying to get by in these uncertain times. The problem though even though the price of gas goes down nothing else does. Public transport remains the same , food prices remain the same as does the price of eating out. Our salaries remain the same. With prices going up most people have had to cut back drastically, because salaries do not increase. Hell your lucky if your boss doesn't ask you to take a pay cut because the company is not earning as much, because of the raise in prices.

Now I don't know about you but I think most businesses should start reviewing employees salaries and start giving everyone an increase. It's got to the point that you can't even count on your bonus anymore.

Just One Of Those Days

2008-09-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling kinda out of it today, you know just one of those days. I don't know why, as I went to bed at a ll pm and got up this morning at 7am. Can't sleep too late even though the kids are on Raya leave this week. Justin still has to go to work so I get up to make sure he gets up. He still needs his mama.

This morning I woke up in pain and so, as I usually do every morning, I couldn't bounce out of bed, but had to roll over onto my side and push myself up with my hands. Just going to turn 50 but feel like 80.

Finally managed to get to the loo, sit on toilet and when finished I almost couldn't get up. After that, brush the teeth, glance in the mirror and whoa!!! swollen eye. Seems my stye's not fully gone yet. So you can imagine the sight that greats me this morning, swollen eye and hair standing up. I know, I know I usually spike my hair but I don't flatten it out on the sides so I look like I have a Mohawk.

Whole morning just dragging my butt around. Get the chores done and clean my room. I hate cleaning my room, but I hate it even more if I don't.

So now I'm sitting at the computer with brain drain cause I sure as hell can't think of much to write. Just goes to show you how boring my life has become and how crappy I feel. Dawn thinks I should take up yoga, maybe I should but with the way I feel I'd probably sprain something.

Somethings Wrong Here

2008-09-26T19:32:00.000-07:00

After writing my blog and pinging it I like to check out some of the other blogs to see what other people are writing about.

I can't remember who the blogger was but his blog site had a YouTube segment about a 15 year old girl in the states who claims that she has had sex 300 times with 15 guys and wants to get pregnant. The poor mother has caught her daughter in her bed with some guy 3 times. The stupid kid (and that's what she is a kid) has even bought baby toys, clothes, bottles and pacifiers in preparation for that time.

Now somethings wrong here when a 15 year olds sole mission in life is to get laid and get pregnant. She even claims that she will prostitute herself to support the baby. Well I guess she's getting some pretty good practice in now isn't she. The mother seemed like a decent woman worried about her daughter but the question has to be asked "How the Hell did you raise that girl?"

A 15 year old girls only responsibility should be to study hard and try to get good grades and hopefully go on to college and eventually get a good job. Not to put a notch on her bed post every time she scores. A girl of that age is not emotionally equipped to be a mother.

In the US, Canada, Britain, Europe the lack of discipline in the house hold is turning our children into monsters. Even in Asia the trend is catching on. Is it because parents are afraid of being accused of child abuse, because their kid can go to the cops and report them if you whacked their little fannies. The experts on parenting tell you to talk to your kids or reason with them but how do you reason with a 3 or 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum in the shopping mall because you wouldn't buy them what ever the hell they wanted.

Or maybe the problem in this case is the girl didn't get enough love at home. I don't know but I think if she were my kid I'd lock her up in the house until she was 21.

Morons on Motorbikes

2008-09-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when I took Robyn to tuition there was a jam on Tepi Sungai. As we crawled along we finally got to the point not far from our house to the spot that was causing the jam. Seems there had been a show down between a big four wheel drive and a motorbike and the the four wheel drive won. As we drove past we noticed that the motorbike was lodged under the front of the truck.

You know how it is thought you hate to see the blood and gore but you look anyways and shudder afterwards. Thankfully the bike rider was not hurt. I didn't stop so I don't know whose fault it was, but I don' t doubt it was the motorbike rider.

I actually think once they get that bike between their legs all their brains go to their asses, because they sure aren't using them. They drive around thinking their invincible bombing up and down the road weaving in and out of traffic. Your trying to change lanes on a busy highway you finally get a chance and then before you know some idiot on a bike comes up behind you . At the traffic light your all stopped for the red light and you have motorbikes surrounding you and before the light even turns green their off faster then the speed of light. Or how about the slow ones just cruising down the road going 15 miles an hour but he's smack in the middle of the road. You want to over take the A-hole and just flip him a bird but can't because there's too much traffic coming on the other side of the road.

But this has got to be my ultimate favorite. I live on Tepi Sungai which is still pretty much a kampung area, and I swear to god sometimes I think they all interbreed, because some of those dudes just don't seem to have their god given brains. You'll be driving along and all of a sudden you'll see two boys on a bike, no helmet and the driver decides to pull a wheely. I guess his pillion rider must trust him a lot not kill them both. You even have the dudetts getting in on the action now a days. Used to be you didn't see many women driving motorbikes, but times have changed. The best part is though if you hit one of them it's your fault cause you weren't paying attention. Never mind that you just came up on my blind side or your tailing a car so close that no one can see you.

So when my youngest son sits in the car tells me when he gets a job he's going to save up and buy himself a motorbike. I just look at him and tell him "Not in this life time little dude." "Over my dead body."

Grocery Shopping

2008-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did my grocery shopping and what a nightmare shopping has become. To start with I always shop at the same place because I know where everything is.

Well the Tesco I shop at has started changing things around and I am the type of person who hates change. I live by schedules and that is how I raised my kids when they were babies. I always had a schedule and if anything came up to wreck havoc with my schedule my whole day would be screwed.

So this brings us back to shopping. I hate grocery shopping!! Especially now with food prices going up. Not that I buy a whole hell of a lot of food mostly crap for the kids. Veggies never enter my cart cause we don't like them, but in the past month I have cut down drastically on the crap for the kids. My son usually works late or comes back late so I don't have to cook for him. I now only cook for myself and the 2 youngest ones, which is a pain because the youngest one is picky.

Back to shopping again. The reason it was a nightmare is, I had wanted to go shopping and race around Tesco and get out of there within an hour. Unfortunately with things being changed around I now have to hunt for the things I want. Why the hell do they have to change everything. Did they do some kind of anal study and decided that the chips weren't placed in the right spot? A spot for maximum exposure or do the companies come in and check around and say "Hey I don't want my stuff here people won't be able to find it!" Don't worry we will find your crap. We go up and down every isle to make sure we find your crap.

The other thing that pissed me off yesterday was the price of chicken. Now I have never spent more the six or seven ringgit on a chicken. Yesterday I nonchalantly picked a chicken and gave it to the guy to be weighed and cut. I didn't really pay much attention so when he gave me back my chicken I almost shit my pants because the chicken was RM20.10. One lousy chicken and since it had already been cut I just took it anyways, and what about cheese! HUH ! I like to make mac and cheese once in a while but the cost of Kraft Cheddar brick has gone up to over RM9.00. Did they start putting gold in the cheese or something? Another thing we like to eat a certain brand of margarine and for the past month they have not had one tub available. Why! I had settle for some other crappy ass margarine. It better taste good.

When I finally made to the cashier and everything had been tallied the bill came to almost RM300!!!! Even after drastically cutting back. Hell if I cut back any more we'll be eating grass. I don't want to eat grass we hate veggies!!

Make Lemonade

2008-09-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

When I first started my blog I seemed to have a lot to say, but there are those times I can't think of much to write hence yesterdays blog on Curse Words and today's blog.

I salute those television writers who day after day must come up with fresh dialogue to write. Since I have decided to stay home and try to work I have gone to writing sites where you can post your written word and have people pay you. A lot of people out there are making money this way, it's free to sign on and most of it seems to be scam free.

Now since I have decided to do this I have suddenly become blank. I came across this sight that will pay you USD48 for your article and commit you to another 11 if they choose you. Not bad for an article once a month and after the exchange rate it comes to almost RM150. The article is to be about being 50 and how fabulous it is. Now I will turn 50 next month and this should be easy peasy but I just can't for the life of me think about anything that is great about being 50.

At 50 I am jobless and still have two kids to put through school. The beauty industry doesn't want me anymore because I am too old and I refuse to travel. Just think about all the trouble darling Robyn would get into if I'm not around. Now a nice office job would be good but without the experience they would only pay me RM1,200 a month. With the cost of gas, toll and parking I'd be working just to pay for going to work. Just doesn't make sense.

So now I have started searching the writing sites. There is a lot out there and if you can sell a few articles a month you wouldn't have to worry too much. I really want that writing gig about turning 50 though, so hopefully something will pop into my head before the deadline. Maybe I can find a site that will pay for articles on beauty as that was my chosen career.

So as for now I'm muddling around trying to find the perfect writing gigs for me. After all you don't live to be 50 without learning a thing or two and as the saying goes "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Curse Words

2008-09-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

The other night at Dawn's condo we were talking about the classes she was taking and during the course of the conversation she had said "Why is the word Fuck considered a curse word?" She went on to mention that it was only a word and only became a curse word depending on the connotation you put on it. Who was the one who came up with the word fuck and who said it was a curse word. This word has a multitude of meanings depending on how you use it in a sentence. When I was growing up we were not allowed to utter such words and yet today my children fling it around with abandon as do I on some occasions, especially when I want to get my point across.

You can say fuck you, fuck me, mother fucker, your a fucker, what the fuck, fucking A, fucking rocks and so on. Another word that is very functional would be that good old word shit. Now shit is a small word seemingly harmless but we all know what the meaning is. This word can also be used in many ways such good shit, bad shit, he's full of shit, your shitting me, when the shit hits the fan, bullshit, tastes like shit, looks like shit and so on.

Now Jesus Christ! and Goddamn you, are considered curse words for the very reason you are taking the lords name in vain, but what about hell or goddamn it why are they considered curses or ass, asshole, ass wipe. These words are considered curse words with out rhyme or reason.

When I was in the fourth grade I had just started into a new school and so I was in the process of trying to make new friends. There had been a girl in my class whom during recess had called another girl a Prick. Now seems she had a much older brother and this is where she probably learned it from. I had never heard the word before and so that night I had gone home and called my sister a Prick. Unfortunately my sister went and told my mom and after that well you know what happened . I couldn't sit down for a week.

So why in this day and age are they even considered curse words when every where you go people throw them around with such abandon to add color to the English language? I don't know, all I know is that in my day any body who used such words were considered ill mannered and low life's. Oh well what the hell who gives a shit anyways.

Monday Morning Meetings Part 2

2008-09-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

I have previously written about my last job and our Monday Morning Meetings and what a farce they were. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I always thought that company meetings were for 1. Brainstorming and 2. Bringing up matters concerning the day to day operations. Not so in that company.

The company is a family business run by a husband and wife team along with their eldest son. They meeting was always chaired by the wife with the son sitting shot gun. At the start of every meeting the mother would go around to each of us and ask if anyone had anything to contribute, so as she asked each one, each one would reply no nothing to contribute. This took all of 5 minutes and the reason no one wanted to say anything is because nothing ever got done and somehow or other if you said something they didn't like it would eventually come back and bite you in the ass.

This went on month after month and the Matriarch started getting royally pissed that no one contributed and that she was the only one who had anything to say. Her son eventually didn't bother to attend meetings.

One day during one of the meetings she went around and asked all of us if we read books. What this has to do with company business I do not know. She also asked what do we read. I already know what is going through her mind I had her pegged, so I said I was presently reading 'The Secret' and it was about the power of positive thinking and how it can change your life. This greatly excited her as this is the type thing she likes to hear. I mean this lady always likes to bring god into her meetings and as far as I'm concerned god has no place in our meetings.

A few months later she brought in some books and passed them out to all the staff and asked us to read the books. The book was entitled "How To Be Happy'. Of course we all glanced at each other and rolled our eyes. Now if you expect your staff to read a book don't you think they should be able to read on company time.

The following week she asked if any one had read the book and of course everyone said no. I decided I better start reading so that evening I went home and started reading. The book had been written by some guy who had had a six figure income who gave it all up in the pursuit of happiness. The book was boring and so I managed to finish only half of it. The following week she asked again and this time only two of us admitted to reading the book. This went on for a few more weeks when she finally got the message and gave up on everyone and stopped asking.

Reading the book was absolute bullshit as she, her husband and son all have a business so they can earn money. Don't expect your staff to read such drivel when you yourself are pursuing the almighty dollar. If you didn't want to be rich why have a business in the first place and hound your sales staff into selling more. Don't tell your staff to think of themselves as being part of a family. If we were part of your family wouldn't we be getting shares.

Now I am an avid reader but I like to choose what I want to read not something my boss forces me to read and stop bringing god to the meetings. Your staff are not all Christians. They are made up of Chinese, Indians and Malays with different religious beliefs.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events

2008-09-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up in Canada my parents had always celebrated our birthday. So the festivity was celebrated with a birthday party and we could invite a few of our friends and of course our cousins. The party was always held on Saturday and if our birthday happened to fall on a weekday my parents would give us their gifts, to us, on that special day. The food served at the party would always be hotdogs with the birthday cake and ice cream for desert. That was because it was the easiest to make.

When my kids were born I too made it a practice to celebrate their birthdays. When we were in Canada it was fine but once we came to Malaysia things just weren't the same. I lived with my in laws for 11 years and the only birthdays celebrated in that house were my father in laws and my mother in laws so I made it a point to celebrate my children's birthday on my own. Every year they would get presents and also a birthday cake to mark their special day.

To this day I still celebrate my children's birthday with a present and a cake. Since Dawn's birthday was on a Tuesday this year we managed to celebrate it last night. Alex had smsed us that he had wanted to take us all out for dinner along with his dad.

Saturday morning he messaged me to come around 5 o'clock so we could have a couple of beers before going off to dinner. Of course, as usual we were late. My first born son was dragging his ass and when I bitched at him about it he told me to chill. "Can't we ever be on time for anything?" I had whined. "Christ we were late for your sisters wedding." He replies "Since we were late for her wedding I don't think it matters if we are late going to her condo." With that I turned to Pei Shin, his girlfriend and said ,"This guy will be late for his own wedding!" "Probably"
he says.

We finally got to the condo had a beer then went off for dinner. Before we left we all needed to visit the loo which is in Dawns room. Now apparently there is something wrong with her ceiling fan so they cannot switch it off. Justin didn't know so when he came out of the room he switched it off because I taught them to conserve electricity. Luckily Dawn and Alex informed us yes the fan will start up again on its own but it takes time, so before we left she opened her bedroom window to let some air in.

We went off for dinner and forgot to bring the birthday cake, so we decided to go back to their place and sing happy birthday there. As we waited for Pei Shin to come (she'd gone for her grandfathers birthday dinner) we talked, I drank beer and the rest of my kids disturbed the cats and watched a DVD. After the DVD and Pei Shin was there we sang happy birthday.

When I want to smoke I usually out to Dawn's laundry area to smoke and so towards the end of the evening I heard a cat meowing, after which we discovered two cats were missing. It seems the two had pushed open the bedroom window and had escaped. Dawn had forgotten about the window and the cats had discovered that their mom had forgotten and made their escape. They managed to get one cat back, but when we left one was still MIA. This morning she told me they finally got the cat back it took them until 2 o'clock in the morning and her shower is working.

Last night as we were driving off she had called her brother and asked if anyone had been pissing around in the shower, seems there was no water coming out. Just a series of unfortunate events.

My Fourth Child

2008-09-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

Before I start writing my blog, I like to check to see how much traffic I'm getting and to see if there are any comments. Well this morning I noticed there was 1 comment posted on my blog Premature Alzheimer's.

Of course I have to check the comment to whether they are favorable or not, this comment it seems was sent from Robyn my fourth child. She wrote "You bitch about me too much on your blog." Yes she does seem to be my favorite topic and I do mention her a lot.

She is 16 going on 30 and she really does provide with a lot to write about. She is a good girl but she is a typical teenager and in the mind set of me me me. Some of the things she does I just have to comment about and because she and I spend a lot of time together well you know how it is. She is the one suffering the most because of my unemployed situation. I have to cut back on expenses so that means I am not able to give her the same amount of money I used to give her and also I have curtailed her jaunts to Aeon.

Robyn is like her older sister. Also a very head strong girl so she and I get into it a lot. We say nasty things to each other when we are pissed but the one thing about Robyn is she gets over it easily. She doesn't carry a grudge. She is funny and can come up with some really good lines and in this way she is like her older brother. She knows when to draw the line because she knows once I get really pissed it's time to call it a day so she can live to fight another day. We have had our ups and downs and at present my on going nagging at her is about her studies. She is not stupid but very lazy when it comes to studying and with exams coming up well my whole time is spent nagging and threatening. I usually end up telling her if she doesn't want to study then quit school and get a goddamn job and make my life easier. Of course the good mother I try to be I would not like to see her do that and spend the rest of her life working in Aeon.

I do love this girl dearly and hate to think how boring my life would be if she were not in it. I have given into her many more times then the others, which they always remind me about. I can't help it she's Robyn my fourth child.

The Power Of Positive Thinking

2008-09-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

Last year my daughter lent me a book called 'The Secret. I'm sure a lot of people out there have read the book. I am an avid reader but I did not finish the book because frankly it bored me. I did read some of the book and from what I gather the book is saying that if you use the power of positive thinking you can be successful in life.

Now basically I can be a bit sarcastic and I have a dry sense of humour. Humour is what keeps me going through life. Hey if I didn't laugh I'd sure as hell be crying all the time.

Going through life I have found that the power of negative thinking is more powerful then positive thinking. When I was working, the drive to and from work was spent alone and so this is the time when my mind would start working. Lots of things would pop into my head, most of it not good. For a while I'd be thinking what would happen if I got a flat tire. Once that popped into my head I'd think of nothing else everyday until one day it did happen. There I was stuck on the side of the road at 2 o'clock in the afternoon in the blazing hot sun with a flat tire. No one stopped and I didn't have any numbers in my hand phone of any one that I could call to help me. So I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to change it myself. I did manage to change it after a lot of sweating, grunting and cursing. At least there was a positive side to this situation I wasn't wearing a short skirt that day and the spare tire had air in it. At some point the idea popped into my head that my speedometer might stop working and sure enough it did. On days when I got up on the wrong side of the bed I'd drive to work thinking that someday I would get fired and sure enough it happened. So all through my life I have found that the negative thoughts always happen more often then positive thoughts.

Now that I am into the second month of unemployment I have been trying to think positively. Every day I go online and search for jobs that can be done at home. I day dream of finding a job that will enable me to work from home so I do not have to sit in traffic jams, spend huge amounts of money on gas, toll and parking, and not have to put up with idiot bosses. If I am at home I can keep an eye on my two teenagers making sure they study, don't skip school or mix with bad company.

With my new found power of positive thinking I am hoping that I will find that job and that's what keeps me going. Unfortunately most of the jobs online that I have come across are mostly big scams and promise you, that you can earn thousands of dollars, but hey I keep hoping.

I Have A Stye In My Eye

2008-09-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have a stye in my eye and it hurts like hell. You know those little pimples that develop in your eyelash. It developed a few weeks ago and when it came to a head I pinched it, and so I thought it would go away.

Well the little bugger is still there, and it hurts. Not only are stye's painful but once they swell up they continually rub on your eye ball causing your eye to water and eventually to swell. Now I already have huge eye bags, they look like I am carrying a set of luggage under my eyes, so when they swell, well my eye bags get eye bags. Not a pretty sight. I look like I have a lizard eye. I wake up in the morning with crust in my eyelashes from my eye watering at night.

At least I can console myself that it is not as bad as last year when I got red eye. My youngest son came home from school complaining that his eye was sore. I didn't think much about it until the next morning he woke up with red eye and dutifully told me that his two friends have red eye and had passed it along to the rest of their families. Nothing like sharing I say. I let him stay home from school so he wouldn't spread it around to his classmates and I went off to work. Once reaching work my eye felt funny and started to get itchy.

By the end of the day my eye was red , watery and itchy which was unfortunate as I had to work late. I was supposed to go to one of our Day Spas and show prospective franchises around the spa, so at eight o'clock at night I was walking around Ikano Power House wearing my sunglasses so as not to scare off the potentials and spread the cheer to the therapists.

That night I got home and thanked my son for sharing. The next morning I got up and my eye was swollen shut. When I finally managed to pry my eye open my eye bags had eye bags on top of my eye bags not to mention I looked like I was bleeding from my eye. Needles to say I called in sick and my son and I went off to visit the doctor. The next day it had spread to my other eye but not as severe. After about five days it cleared up and luckily didn't spread to the rest of the family.

So I guess a little stye in my eye is nothing compared to red eye. I'll live to tell the tale but it sure does hurt like a bitch.

Pre-Mature Alzheimers

2008-09-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening as I usually do, I sat down to watch the telly. My programs are all picked out for the whole week so I tune in everyday. I do love to watch TV, hell I could be a real couch potato if given the chance.

So 7 pm, Hallmark, The Nanny. I have seen most of the shows before but the last shows of the series I missed so I tune in every evening to watch. Robyn was watching TV with me because I wouldn't let her go to Aeon, her second home, if I allowed it. Obviously she was pissed at me and so in a fit of prissiness she fell asleep on the couch. HAHAHAHA! When she's asleep I don't have to listen to her whine anymore about going to Aeon.

She woke up after they had shown both shows and so she asked me what had happened on the show and I could not remember. I had only just watched both shows and for the life of me I could not remember what the hell the two shows had been about.

Now this is not the first time this has happened to me. There are times when I get up and go to the kitchen or up to my bedroom and once there forgot why I had gone. I stop to think about it and sometimes it comes to me most times not.

There are times when Robyn tells me that I said she could go out somewhere and I turn to look at her tell her I did no such thing. So I ask her "When did I say that?" " Last week you told me I can go." "No I didn't!" " Yes you did!" So that is usually how it goes. So I usually end up letting her go to where ever she wants to go, and of course have to suffer the pissy look she gives.

This happens most days and so I think I am suffering from pre-mature Alzheimer's. This is good for Robyn as she can bullshit me all the time, but hey I'm not worried cause I'm the mother here and I can still turn around and say no! And when she asks why not I can say "Because I said so!"

A Birthday Letter To My Daughter

2008-09-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

To day is your birthday and on this special day I am writing you a letter. You were born 32 years ago today and I can remember that day as if it were yesterday. Which is pretty amazing as now a days I sometimes can't remember what happened an hour ago.

I was very young, too young to be a mother really, when you came into this world screaming at the top of your lungs. There you were a little red thing with a huge lump on your head. I was worried but the doctor assured me that it would disappear by the time you were 6 weeks old, and sure enough it did go away and you were left with a perfectly formed, round little head which was full of black hair. Your grandfather John had called you Willy numb nut because of that lump. It was said with deep affection because he had loved you dearly as did your grandmother.

Even though I was very young I managed to muddle through somehow and raised you to be the out standing daughter you are today. Those were trying times because at a very young age you were head strong and as you grew into your teenage years and adult hood you have always been head strong. You and I have not always seen eye to eye but some how or other we managed to stay close and managed not to inflict too much damage on each other, but for the most part I encouraged you to remain that way.

You are my first born and so are extra special to me for you are the one who taught me how to be a mother. You exceeded all my hopes ,dreams and expectations I have had for you, and so my Darling Daughter I wish you Happy Birthday and hope you will always get what you want out of life.

Love you always
Mom

PS

Christ I'm bawling like a baby now. I'm such a wus.

Zingers (No not the KFC burger)

2008-09-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

My kids and I have a pretty open relationship so every once in a while we let fly zingers at each other. Zingers as in thinly veiled criticisms or insults and I as the mother, get zinged once in a while.

Now the two youngest in my family are 16 and 13 years of age and you would think for their age that they wouldn't have fine tuned their zinging capabilities, but let me tell you every once in a while they can come up with a good one.

For instance last night. We went for our Sunday family dinner. My eldest daughter and her husband did not come down last night so it was just me, the two younger kids, my eldest son and his girlfriend who had just gotten back from Hong Kong. Lovely girl that she is, she bought me a humongous bottle of Absolute Vodka my absolute favorite. Hopefully I can make it last for more then one week. I love my vodka and my kids and their significant others know I love my vodka and this is what I usually get zinged about. LOL!

Nothing much happened at dinner and so after finishing we made our way home and were there before 9pm. We watched the movie "Are We Done Yet!" which finished around 10:30 pm. Now earlier my eldest son had wanted to watch the DVD "White Chicks" which is a pretty funny movie but we've all seen about 20 times before. He said there was a scene in the movie he had wanted to watch again. His girlfriend finally persuaded him to watch "Are We Done Yet" but once it had finished he told his baby brother to put on "White Chicks."

So this is how it started. Jordan " No need to watch ah koh you'll probably fall asleep before you get to see that part in the show." Justin " Don't mouth off to me boy just put it on!" Jordan " I'm not mouthing off I'm just predicting the future." ZINGER! Off course Justin had nothing to reply and I of course broke out in peels of laughter which under minded Justins authority, but hey I just couldn't help myself. It was pretty funny.

We watched "White Chicks" and Justin of course did fall asleep as he usually does, so you see Jordan can predict the future. Only this time he was a bit off, because Jordan whispered to me as he was putting the DVD into the player "He'll probably fall asleep during the opening credits."

Bloody Computers

2008-09-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

It now seems in this day and age we cannot live without the computer. Mine has been a source of comfort to me since I have been unemployed, and so when my son tried to turn it on yesterday it would not go on, instead it kept making a beeping sound.

I ranted and raved because I would not be able to go onto my computer to write my blog. Now you might say so what, but to me my blog is were I hone my writing skills for when I decide to write my novel. LOL.

No seriously I have always wanted to write a novel. Just never had the chance or the time.

Now back to my computer. My computer is not yet 3 months old and already there is something wrong with it. We are still paying for it as we bought it on time payments at 0 percent interest for 12 months. Luckily we paid extra so it would have a 3 year warranty. Trouble is since it disappointed me on a Saturday we have to wait until Monday to call the service centre. Two whole days of bloody waiting.

This morning I could stand it no longer and begged my son to let me use his laptop. He did so reluctantly as his laptop has all his work on it from his job, so he is always fear full that I will accidentally delete something. Don't worry son so far so good everything is still intact.

Hopefully when my son calls the service centre they will come tomorrow and fix it. I usually don't spend much time on the computer on Mondays as I clean the inner sanctum I call my bedroom. I love my bedroom it is so cool to sleep in at night not to mention the big king size bed.
Unfortunately it is hellish hot during the day. I don't have aircon in my house and so we rely on the ceiling fans.

So when my son calls them tomorrow I hope they get their hinies here so they can fix it straight away or I will be hopping up and down screaming and pulling my thinning hair out. I need to continue my search for free online jobs that I can do at home. I need to make myself busy or I will be wallowing on the couch in self pity. I have already gotten one invite to a blogspot that pays you money, so I don't want to delay when they give the final approval. There are many more blog sites out there that I can apply to which I have not had the chance to do yet so please get my puter fixed.

My Immortality

2008-09-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

When my daughters mother in law passed away she had called me to give me the details of where she would be laid out and when the funeral will be. She mentioned they had had a hard time finding a suitable picture to be displayed. That night I went for one of the services.

After the service was over and we were all seated at the tables for drinks I turned to my two oldest and said " You all better get a good picture taken of me now so you won't have a problem later". My sons reply was his usual" MUM!" plus his frown and my daughters reply was to slap me on the arm.

Here in Asia especially amongst the Chinese race the subject of death is taboo. Mention it to my mother in law and she will phi phi phi you up and down. It is a subject not to be talked about especially if it is about someone still alive. Now I am a practical person and also a free thinker. I do not follow any religion even though I had been baptised an Anglican. My family was never big on religion and my father had given up on it a long time ago, so it was not really practiced in my house. I went to Sunday school as a child the first time, when I was very small. My mother had sent me. I do not know why as they never went to church themselves, only for weddings, and funerals. After a while I think my mother got tired of sending me. The second time I went was when I was around 10 or 11 years old.

We had an aunt from my fathers side of the family who used to pass down all her daughters old clothes to me and my sister. So one day she passed us a box of stuff that had contained 4 or 5 hats. The type of hat only to be worn to church, so me and my sister, (and we also managed to rope in one of our female cousins), had decided to go to Sunday school so we could wear the hats. Of course it didn't last long because we were too lazy to go to church on Sunday.

My husbands family are Taoists. So my children have been brought up mainly with that religion. As they have gotten older in one way or another they have all decided what religion they wish to follow although my hubsands family pushes Taoism down their throats and mine. I have stood steadfastly and still remain a free thinker.

After the kids father died he was buried at Fairy Park. It is a double plot and there is a place for me to go when I pass. I tell my kids not to spend a lot of money on my funeral as we all know Chinese funerals cost a bomb, and as my son puts it the Chinese are the only people who can make a profit out of death. Every once in a while when the subject is brought up (usually by me) I tell the kids that when I die they should just throw me in a cardboard box and bury me in the back yard. This always warrants a MUM! from my son and the look of distaste from my daughters.

So now the subject of the picture has come up. I have decided I do not want a picture of myself looking old and haggy. I want a picture of myself looking young and fresh. When I asked my kids what kind of ceremony would they have for me, my son said MUM! and my daughter said "Ma we'll bury you Chinese style ok". It's ok with me I'm not particular. Hell for all I care they could have me embalmed sit me in a corner with a beer in one hand and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.