The Most Thankless Job

Parenting is the most thankless job in the world. Yes it is a job and your job scope changes on a daily basis. From the moment of conception you tell yourself that you will be a perfect mother. You go out and buy books to read up on parenting. Every ones parenting style differs, and you tell yourself you will never be like your mother. Then the bubble bursts when that squalling little thing is placed in your arms, you panic and wonder what the hell you have gotten yourself into. By time the next child comes, you find yourself building a bonfire using all those parenting books.

From the beginning your patience is tested on a daily basis and there are some days you think you might lose your sanity. From the incessant crying in the middle of the night to the toddler stage where you are defied every step of the way. A nice little tap on the butt is the only way to handle things and you’re the one who ends up crying. You spanked your child and feel really guilty. All through the years of development into the teenage years, the yelling the screaming the whining (all yours) is enough to have you running to the doctor for Prozac and one day you realise that, damn somewhere along the way you have turned into your mother. The temper tantrums in the grocery store have you hiding amongst the vegetables pretending it’s not your kid. Then one morning you wake up and look in the mirror and wonder who that wild eyed, wild haired woman is only to realize it’s you. You used to be such a sharp dresser and you had a career but now your attire of choice is mom jeans and your husband’s faded out shirts. Your career has gone down the crapper and turned into a life sentence. You begin to realize that this is the craziest job that you ever took on, no pay, no appreciation, long hours and it lasts a life time.

You muddle along hoping you have not caused irreparable damage to your kid, in fact you are the one who has been damaged, realising this as you find yourself lying on the floor in a foetal position blubbering to yourself and that man you fell in love with, well you’d just like to give him a good kick in the nuts. All your good intentions of yesteryear fade away and you hope your kid would hurry up and finish school and go to college, but wait, how are you going to pay for college? That bank account you opened for your kid, well you’ll be lucky if you save enough to buy text books for college, never mind tuition fees. Then one day the worst happens, that happy go lucky child you brought into the world has become a sullen teenager who slinks away to their room and becomes uncommunicative and everything you do is lame. They start using a language you don’t understand and the cell phone becomes an extension of their hand. You take your kid shopping for clothes because they insist they have nothing to wear and you realize that your kid’s jeans cost more than your whole outfit. Hell the price of your kid’s jeans is enough to feed a starving third world country for goodness sakes. Any real conversation with your kid during this time always starts with “I dunno, can you drive me to the mall?” When you have the audacity to say no it’s either an argument or a look and if looks could kill you’d surely keel over dead. There are days when after a round with your teenager they threatened to run away from home, you offer to pack their bags. Everyday there’s a minor war going on in the house. Either between you and your kid or your kid and their siblings and you have to wade in like a trooper to get things under control to make sure they don’t destroy the house or kill each other. Your peace and quiet is a thing of the past and you find yourself wishing they’d hurry up and grow up and move out of the house.

Then when things have quieted down you pour yourself a good stiff drink trying to get to the happy place, which you find yourself doing more often. You sit and ponder and wonder why the hell you didn’t opt to have sterilisation. After a while as the alcohol slowly takes hold you begin to think clearly and realize they will never, ever leave you.

Quote of the day

So I was telly the other night, a comedy show and the mother says with a totally straight face, "The reason why we have kids is so we won't be so afraid of dying." I nearly burst a gut when I heard that one in fact I want to make that quote my own.

Don't get me wrong I love my kids but somehow or other they manage to piss me off everyday of the week. The older three are ok it's the younger two. Now Jordan the baby of the family has the worst luck I have ever seen not to mention he's goddamn clumsy. Must be inherited from my side of the family. Last month he managed to get himself robbed. Lost two hand phones, his wallet with IC and managed to get hit on the head by the two thugs that robbed him. A week before that his bicycle along with two of his other friends was stolen from the tuition center. They were all three locked together and the chain was cut. Then last Friday he took his other old hand phone to school and it was confiscated. Tuesday I went to the school to claim back his phone and I also went and picked up his new IC. Last month he cycled out on his other bike, and got a flat tire and it's still sitting in the front with a flat tire. He tells me he doesn't have luck with bikes. I wanna tell him "boy you don't have luck with anything." I worry about that boy luckily I'm home to fetch him to and from school and tuition.

Robyn on the other hand what can I say. I noticed on her facebook she took some quiz to find out what God she is and it turns out she's Satan. Well hell I coulda told ya that! No need to take a quiz. Yesterday her tuition is canceled and she wanted to go to Chi Liung any way to meet her friend. I said no. Five o'clock she was ready to go. I said to her "I thought I said no" then she launches into her repetitive song and dance on how I always fetch her brother everywhere he wants to go and that I always let him go out. That woman has short term memory. She forgets that she hangs out at the mamak after her tuition every week, she's never home on the weekends, well maybe one, the weekend I spent at my other daughters house while her husband was at some retreat, she didn't have a ride and she won't ask her brother. So I just grabbed my keys and wallet and sunglasses and sent her. I mean how do you argue with Satan?

So next week school holidays start and they will be off for two weeks. God I hate this. She tells me she's going to spend the two weeks studying for her SPM. Uhha I say, right. Yes she insists she is going to study. Well we'll just see. I can see the writing on the wall. She'll end up bugging my ass to let her go out everyday. Because there is one thing I'm sure of Satan is predictable.

Mothers and Children

My daughter came back from Singapore last Thursday night for a visit. She has been working there since July, her first real job since graduating from college. I have missed her and hadn't realized how much until she went back again yesterday afternoon. After she left I felt a big void and the rest of day seem to stretch out into aloness. If I had been working it wouldn't have felt so bad for I would have been busy myself and not have been able to spend much time with her. Her job seems to be going well for her and for this I am grateful. I have 5 kids and I used to think that once they had all grown up and gotten on with their lives I would feel a sense of freedom. After all the years of cleaning up after them, doing their laundry and ironing, getting their asses out of bed for school or work , yelling at them to do their homework, forking out money, the nagging and complaining (on my part) and the tears that have been shed over the years because of them ,I now come to realize I shall miss them all when they leave. This became abundantly clear when she left yesterday. When my husband died it had been the kids that had kept me going through all those terrible days of worry, when all I had wanted to do was curl up in a ball of self pity, but because of the kids I could not do that and so I had to grow a pair of balls and soldier on being both mommy and daddy for them. I still have two left at home but they have become independent because of necessity and because of the years I have spent working. So they are seldom home ,often out doing their own thing. I am proud of my children and know that I have raised good responsible young adults and hopefully one day if I'm lucky I will have grandchildren to help raise.