Poetry

I got this email this morning asking me to try my hand at poetry. Well you know the old saying, "Your a poet but didn't know it." That doesn't apply to me.

There is one poem that sticks in my mind from my childhood days centuries ago, and I have never forgotten it. My grandfathers brother was an artist and his second wife was an artist as well. Whether they made a living from their work I do not know but aunt Eleanor subsidised her earning by giving lessons.

Anyways to get back on track shortly after she married my great uncle we paid them a visit. At that time her mother lived with them as well as her mothers spinster sister who was a retired school teacher. They oohed and ahhed over my sisters and myself and gave us a notebook and pencils. Inside my notebook the school teacher had written this poem which I thought was cute.

I don't like to teeter with Peter
Because he's so heavy and fat
Whenever I teeter with Peter
He bounces me off where I sat
I like better to teeter with Mary or Harry
For they are no fatter then I
We can make the teeter go faster then Peter
And Peter can never see why.

I'm on YouTube

It's really funny the way things go. Last month I applied for a blogging job at a site called 'allwomanstalk'. My article had been 'Do Anti-aging Products Really Work.'

After submitting my article I waited for a reply, and two weeks later one came. They said my article had been accepted. They also sent an online form to fill out asking how many hours a day can you spend on writing and how much you expect to earn in a month. The greedy soul that I am I said I wanted to earn USD500 a month. I sent off the application form, told all my kids and never heard from them again.

Oh well I thought just pursue other avenues. Which I have done. Then yesterday I got an email from them saying that I had been chosen as one of the top 100 American Bloggers. Never mind that I'm not American, I'm Canadian, I guess close enough.

So I opened the YouTube clip and sure enough there is my picture along with 99 others. Unfortunately the picture was taken from this blog site. The one eyed picture, so if you've never read this blog you wouldn't know who it was. That doesn't matter though, what matters is I was selected, I have some mediocre of recognition for the hard work I have been putting into my writing these past few months. It doesn't matter that I didn't get paid what matters most to me is that I have hope, that maybe I can make some money with my articles.

That's all we really need though isn't it.

Happiest Day of My Life Because of Helium

Since losing my job I have gone online in search of ways to make money from home. I've checked all the sites and finally decide to try writing articles.

It started with this blog. I informed my kids to tell all their friends and colleagues to check out my blog site and got favorable feed back. I then found this site called Helium and have been submitting articles there.

Last week they gave me a premiere writer shield, the other day I got a star for one of my articles. So this morning when I opened my email I had another email from Helium informing me that I had sold one of my articles. I have not been wasting my time!!! Which is so good to know. I have found I enjoy writing and when you submit articles for sale it is the greatest feeling in the world to know that your article was good enough, that someone would want to buy.

So now I can keep on writing and hopefully more articles will be sold and all my hard work will pay off. Thanks to my kids for all their support because without them this wouldn't be possible.

Deepavali

Yesterday was Deepavali and so I was invited to my neighbours house. An old friend of mine also called me, we hadn't seen each other for a couple of years. She is Chinese married to a Punjabi and so she invited me to her husbands house.

After I paid a visit to my neighbours I went to visit my friend and you know the beer was flowing. I had good time but left rather late.

That's always a problem with me, Chinese New Year or what ever open house is going on and I'm invited I tend to stay too long. With the beer flowing and catching up on lost time you have a tendency not to realize what time it is and over stay your welcome. Every time I go I tell myself don't burden people by staying too long, trouble is I forget and it happens again. I don't do it to everyone only those I feel comfortable with. She called me this morning, and I apologised and she told me not to worry that she and her husband were happy to see me.

So now she has invited me to her sisters place next Saturday for the nieces' 1st birthday. Hopefully I behave myself and don't over stay.

Agism

Saturday met up with my friend in Bangsar and we had a few beers and had a bitching session. She too is a Beauty Therapist working in that thankless profession, longer then I have been.

She just started a new job and the pay is crap, much too low for her number of years working. The Beauty Industry in Malaysia is basically dominated by the Chinese and the young. When you get to our age its more difficult to get a job especially as a therapist. At our ages we don't want to be therapists, we should be managing, but because we don't speak Mandarin or Cantonese it still makes it difficult to find work. My friend is Punjabi. So she has to settle for crappy jobs with crappy pay.

It's sad really, because if you hire an older person with experience and pay us well, you get a staff that won't run off after a few months because something better has come along, you get a wealth of experience and someone who will treat your business like their own, ensuring that your business runs smoothly and efficiently. Instead you all prefer hire the young ones who will run off as soon as they have gained experience.

Eye Bags

This is how I feel about eye creams.

This morning as I check my email and now at my blog sight I noticed there are a lot of ads and questions asking "What eye cream is the best?" Well I'm here to tell you that there are not many eye creams out there that really work.

If you saw my birthday pictures posted here you can see for yourself, because I've tried them all, and yet I still want to believe. I guess like everyone I'm as gullible. I have been in the beauty industrial for almost 20 years and still I get conned into buying eye creams that ultimately don't work.

When your eye bags look like suitcases it only stands to reason that an eye cream is not going to shrink those puppies. The only hope for people like me with eye bags this big is surgery. Smoking all those years probably didn't help.

Problem is though when ever you check out those sites to actually find out which eye cream is the best they really don't tell you and also inform you to go out and buy every eye cream around, trial and error so to speak. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I have a drawer full of eye creams which did not work and which I have chucked inside for the next best thing.

So to prevent eye bags, don't smoke, don't drink, get lots of sleep, don't drink a lot of coffee or carbonated drinks, drink plenty of water and eat foods rich in anti oxidants. God what a boring life.

I guess I should be thankful for one thing, over the years I have always worn sunglasses in the shade, used eye cream and stayed out of the sun as much as possible, so a least I don't have noticeable crows feet.

Ugly World

When I turn on my computer everyday it automatically logs in to MSN. I actually use yahoo, but MSN has some pretty good news stories so I start out by reading some.

Today On MSN there is a news story about a TV anchor woman, Anne Pressly, who was almost beaten to death in her apartment. Everyone said she was a nice woman and everyone loved her. There was no evidence of a break in, but she had been robbed. She is a beautiful woman and her career is just starting, so who could have done such a foul, insane thing.

Today the world can be so ugly at times when you are not even safe in your own apartment, never mind out on the streets. There are stories of young girls being kidnapped , beaten, raped and forced into prostitution. Purse snatching is rampant and old ladies can be killed for a lousy few bucks in their pockets or a gold chain around their neck. I fear for my daughters every time they're not at home. The older ones are cautious because they have lived long enough and read too many horror stories. I fear for the youngest one who is so blaze about many things. Every time my son cycles to school I fear for him, because drivers on the road today drive like idiots, and when he's late coming back from school I sit on pins and needles waiting for him to come home.

Kids now a days are spoiled yes, but giving them a hand phone is actually a good thing in this day and age. At least if they are late you can call them or they can call you. Many a time a hand phone has saved someones life. They should be allowed to take them to school provided they do not spend their time smsing their friends when they should be studying.

Yes we live in a scary world, and my kids decide to bless me with grandchildren I will be here to babysit, because sometimes you can't even trust the crazy maids.

Birthday Dinner

Dawn, Justin and mommy ( unfortunatly don't have Pei Shins picture)

Ronald and future mommy

Robyn and mommy (check out the wrinkly arms)

Pretty sure I'm looped

Look at the flames on that cake!

Me and my chicks ( only one missing)

Dawn and mommy ( half looped by now)

Birthday Girl ( check out the eyebags)

Dawn and mommy

So sunday evening we went out for dinner and all had a good time. Only thing missing was Jade, because she's saving the rest of her leave to come home for christmas. All my working children gave me money and told me I have to blow it all on myself. Trouble is I'm not used to blowing that much money on myself. They gave me some idea's such go to a spa, buy designer sun glasses, I actually need to test my eyes again so maybe I'll get some new eye glasses. I could buy a hand bag or maybe I could get teeth. Mine are sadly lacking at the back of my mouth, on second thought maybe not enough money to get teeth I need so many, Hahaha. Pei Shin gave me a novel, Dean Koontz, my next favorite author after Stephen King. We had a nice dinner and Dawn and Alex brought a nice bottle of vodka. Justin bought the cake. I always tell them no need to buy a cake, they always sing Happy Birthday at the resturant. Nothing like telling everyone your turning 50.

I said in my previous blog that I am not sucessful but when I look at my children I think I'm pretty damn sucessful. I have raised responsible sucessful children.

Only blight of the evening is Justin and I had a disagreement about me having a cigarette. I know, I'm quitting but at the resturant I saw this lady out side smoking and it was driving me nuts, I don't know why and I just had to have one. Of course Justin gave in. Momma's boy LOL.

Happy 50th

Well today is the long dreaded day. The day I was born, 50 years ago. I have been feeling depressed at the thought of turning 5o and so when I woke up this morning it was just another day and nothing has changed. I feel the same and look the same.

Your 50th birthday should be a time of reflection and as I reflected about my life, while hanging the clothes, I have not achieved much in this life. Twenty years down the road I'll still be hanging clothes on the line, I still won't be successful at anything.

The question is do we have to be a great success to give our lives more value, more meaning. No. As long as you go through life and can say you did your best, you are a decent human being, do not intentionally harm others, this does not make your life any less meaningful. You do not have to care what other people think of you, as long as your children think much of you, is enough.

So on this day Robyn and Jordan inform me they didn't buy me a present. I'm not surprised, so I tell them they can cook me breakfast. Robyn tells me she will bring in the clothes and fold them and Jordan can cook me breakfast. So I sit for over an hour waiting for my food, both are watching TV. When I can no longer take the hunger pains I ask where is my breakfast. Robyn tells Jordan to cook my breakfast and he starts arguing with her about who is supposed to cook my breakfast. Typical, so much for Birthday surprises. I mean there's no surprise there, the two of them fighting over what should have been done with love. Robyn finally tells her brother that she is bringing in the clothes and folding them and that is why he is to cook breakfast. I finally got my breakfast cooked by Jordan he even washed the dishes up. At least he didn't leave them for me to wash.

To night the older kids are taking me out for dinner. A nice restaurant in PJ called The Carnival. It is a buffet style dinner and the waiters go around to your table and slice off slabs of meat onto your plate. Side dishes are at the food bar. We went there once before and the food was great and very filling. All you can eat. I'm looking forward to going again.

Writing Articles

I have been submitting articles on line for the past month now. I usually go to Helium or Constant Content. Helium will have a few buyers listed who want articles for certain subject matter and will set price for the article they choose. Can be anywhere from USD24 up to USD32. Not bad if you get chosen. My articles have not been chosen but have been absorbed by Helium.

Now Helium has a ratings system where by other authors on the site evaluate your work. So far I have submitted 4 articles and one article I was rated 14 out of 16 submitted and 1 out of 6 articles that have been submitted. Another article I am the only one who submitted an article so that makes me numero uno. Hahaha. Yesterday I submitted another article so have not checked to see how I was rated.

When your article is used by Helium they have a pay per click system meaning that every time someone reads your article you get 1 cent. So far I have 1 cent.

Now over to Constant Content. I have submitted numerous articles and every time I have been rejected, reason being grammar and punctuation. Now it infuriates me because the articles I have submitted are pretty well written not perfect but certainly better then some of the other crap I see submitted by other people on that sight. Sometimes I feel like going into their forum and screwing them up and down, don't, because I do not want to get kicked out just yet. At least not until I find another good site I can submit my articles to other then Helium.

So I shall go through all my articles, and proof read them again, to see if I can spot the faults. If not I should send them to my daughter Jade who I sent to college to study Mass Com. Maybe she can spot the faults. I shall keep on writing and hope I can make more then 1 cent.

How Green is Too Green

I love making dolls, and at one point I sold my dolls. The problem was, the dolls were all hand knitted and a lot of work. It used to take me about one week to finish one doll, so when you have a deadline for 30 dolls, you end up knitting night and day. My dolls were baby dolls with movable arms and legs and clothing that could be put on or taken off. So lately the doll bug has bitten me but I do not want to knit dolls.

This has taken me to check doll making sites for cloth dolls that can be sewn by machine. Now some of the sites I have gone to, the dolls are fantastic. It's amazing what they can do with cloth.

My blog is not about dolls today, it's actually what I came across when I was surfing the web. Now I noticed that a lot of sights are promoting 'How To Go Green'. Now I'm all for going green, you know saving our resources and recycling, saving our planet, but there is one thing I draw the line at, and that is making your own reusable pads out of cloth. There actually is a site that tells you all about it. Ah ya right.

I've hit menopause now, and don't have to worry about that, but I'm thinking about my daughters and all the other woman out there that still need to use them. So, say you do start using them, what happens when you got to work ,or school, or even shopping. Do wash them out in the sink?, or do you have a special bag you put them in, then throw in your purse and bring them home to wash? That would sure give a purse snatcher a shock when he starts fumbling around in your bag. Maybe it could be a deterrent.

Now don't ya think it would be a bit inconvenient? We just came out of the dark ages why go back. Wouldn't that limit what a woman could do. Now my mother told me once that my grandmother, back in the day, used rags, hence the expression 'on the rag". She can remember my grandmother washing them out and drying them in front of the fire place, in the winter time and out on the clothesline in the summer. Ewwwwwwwwwww! For my grandmother that was ok, because she didn't have a job, so could you imagine having them hanging around (in Malaysia very few people have hot air dryers) and having unexpected guests pop in. I mean nothing like advertising.

As I said I'm all for going green but that's were I draw the line.

Chain Letter

I'm sure many of you out there have received the dreaded chain letter, whereby you have to send out 6 copy's to all your friends, or suffer the dire consequences. So I got this chain letter many years back which I'm writing here for you all to read. It's one of the funniest I've ever gotten.

This letter was started by a woman, like you, in the hope of bringing relief to a tired and discontented wife. Unlike most chain letters , this does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this to five of your friends who are equally tired. Then bundle up your husband and send him to the woman at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,478 men and some of them are bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

Do not break this chain----------------------------- have faith!

One woman broke the chain and got her own Son of a Bitch back. At the date of writing, a friend of mine received 183 men. They buried her yesterday but it took three undertakers thirty-six hours to get the smile off her face.

Hot Days

The weather has been really hot this past month, it's enough to make me faint. With no air con in the house it feels even worse. That's the one good thing about working, at least I can sit in air con most of the day and freeze. I don't know if I feel the heat more because of menopause, there may still be some hormonal action left yet.

So it's days like these that I think about home. Canada, in the winter time, spring and autumn. Days where you can put on a sweater and go out for a walk and feel comfortable.

I remember as a kid my mother was very big on throwing us outside everyday for fresh air, whether we wanted to go or not. Wasn't an option. Now I don't know if that is what she really believed, or she just couldn't stand us in the house, while she had her nervous break downs.

My sister and I would play outside for hours. We had a huge tree in the yard were my father had hung an old tire, so my sister and I and some of the neighbourhood kids would play on it for hours. How the old man got it up there without falling, and breaking his neck is beyond me, but some how he did it.

We loved that old tyre and we'd all pretend it was a space ship and we were aliens. We also had an old swing set, but we preferred the old tyre.

In the autumn we'd rake the leaves into a huge pile then run and jump into them. We had a lot of leaves on our property, because we had a lot of trees.

Even in the winter time my mother would throw us outdoors. The only time we could escape being thrown out in the snow, was when the thermometer hit below zero and the dog came in from outside, after her pee, with an icicle hanging from her you know what. When we went to my aunts house my cousin and I would go tobogganing. There was a pretty mean hill near his house, and we would build a bump of snow near the end of the hill, so that when we slid down, we'd hit that bump and go flying through the air. I'm surprised neither of us ended up with a broken arm. I guess with all the winter clothing on we were too well padded to be hurt.

There is one incident that sticks out in my mind about those days. I come from a family of 4 daughters , no sons and I am the eldest. My second sister and I were very close so when my third sister was born we were not close to her. Probably because when she was young she was very sickly and so my parents were more protective of her. My sister Cathy and I were jealous, so as she grew older we were mean to her and wouldn't let her play. Of course my mother never let us hear the end of that. Anyways on my third sisters birthday my parents bought her a new swing set. Cathy and I had taken over the old tyre. I think it must have been her 4 th birthday, so all the aunts and uncles and cousins were invited for the birthday party. My father had gone out, and set up the swing set for her, and once done we all went outside so Angela could have her first swing on her new swing set. She sat on the swing and started to swing and as she pumped higher and higher the swing set fell over, Angela ended up on the ground crying and Cathy and I were laughing like hell. My mom didn't think it was very funny and I can still feel the swat on my ass, that we both got, from mom for laughing.

How to Kill a South Dakota Eel

I'm posting this joke which was sent to me many years back by my mother. Enjoy.

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like all other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a lot about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was, and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny , she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.

Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would, except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart.

I guess he was getting sick too because soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time Sis got worse, and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down to the end of the couch. That was when the fever started. I knew it was fever, because she told him she felt hot.

Finally, I found out what was making them sick. A big eel had got inside him somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long. Honest! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.

When Sis saw it she got really scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen. (I should tell her about the ones down at the lake.) Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill it, the eel, by biting it's head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go and I guess it bit her back. When she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up one hell of a fight! Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.

After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up and sure enough they had killed the eel. I know it was dead, because it just hung there limp and some of it's insides were hanging out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to 'courting' anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess all eels are like cats, they have nine lives or something.

This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet!

Johnny's mother fainted..........

Changes

The other day I was watching a comedy show. The wife and kids as well as the wife's brother and sister where waiting for the husband to come home. It was his birthday and they were waiting to surprise him with a cake and presents. Of course the husband knew but acted surprised anyways. His brother in law gave him tickets to a baseball game, his sister in law gave him a beer magazine subscription, his son gave him hand lotion, his two daughters gave him a knitted vest and his wife gave him a oil paint set.

He was happy with his in laws gifts, because he had told them what to buy for him, as for his wife and kids' gifts he pretended to like them but in fact did not. At night before bed the wife had set up his easel and paints and had wanted him to paint. He instead wanted to read his beer magazine.

The next day after work his small son who is only about 5 years of age, comes up to him and tells him he has another birthday present for daddy, that he had not picked out the hand cream, mommy had chosen the first gift. To which the father exclaims "my young son let me see it!", and so the boy pulls out a long stick with a bow attached, which he has found outside. Now the father loved this stick and carried it around with him everyday, which of course totally pisses off his wife, as he has not bothered about the other gifts. Finally she can take it no more and confronts him about the stick. "What is so great about that stick!" "What is wrong with the other gifts?" He then proceeds to tell her that the other gifts given to him and no doubt picked out by her, where her way of trying to change him, whereas the simple gift of the stick from his son did not require him to change and his son did not expect him to change. Of course in the end she finally gets it.

Now most of us at some point in our lives have tried to change the people we love. A wife will often try to change her husband, into the ideal man she wants, and when the man won't change trouble begins. You see people can change, but only if they want to. If you truly love a person you must except them for who they are, and not try and change them into someone you want them to be.

I leave off with a poem I read many years ago. I do not know who the author is, but I have always liked it.

Woman
was created from the rib of man
she was not made from his head
to top him
nor his feet
to be trampled on
She was made from his side
to be equal to him
from under his arm
to be protected by him
from near his heart
to be loved by him

Working Online

In my never ending quest to find online jobs I run into more scams then actual jobs. Just now as I was reading other peoples blogs I came across one guys blog whereby he was bragging he got a S250.00 cheque form adsense. He paid USD9.90 for the book now the writer was giving it away for free. So I checked out the site and yes you get the book for free and he also wants to give another report for free a few other things for free. So went to sign up he also wanted my credit card number because one of the free things was for one month only after which I'd have to pay. I closed the window.

There are many people out there who want to work from home, the more you explore the Internet the more people you see who want to work from home. Not all of these people are lazy and want something for nothing. A lot of people want legitimate jobs they can do at home. Women who want to stay at home with their kids, handicapped and students all trying to earn a living. We are not expecting to become millionaires like a lot of these adds promise you. Data entry jobs are a lie and I came across a new one yesterday called Rebate Processing. Sounded good so of course I checked it out for scams. I do that now so I won't be cheated. Well low and behold another scam. A whole list of people were complaining about this site because they got scammed.

Lucky I didn't sign up. Data Entry sights are just another way for you to be conned into signing on for something else. As Justin said "who the hell is going to pay you USD25.00 to fill in one lousy form with a few lines. Point taken.

Weight Loss

In the mornings, I usually buy a newspaper to catch up on whats going on in Malaysia today. It's always good to know whats happening in case I need to pack up and leave. Hahaha!

Usually the paper is full of adds which I dutifully read, and usually there are adds from the Weight loss specialists such as Marie France, MayFair, Terrime. Slim World to name a few.

I have worked in the Beauty Industry for many years and at some point during my career I have worked in a few slimming centres. I have seen over weight women, and women who think they are fat plonk down thousands of dollars to lose weight.

When the slimming salon sensation became popular in Malaysia back in the late eighties and early nineties women were willing to fork out thousands to lose weight. I had a friend who worked as a consultant for Marie France for 16 years and her sales target every month was RM200,000.00. Now that's individual sales, not group sales. She told me they would do anything to get these woman to sign up for a course. Every month she was stressed, so stressed that her hair started falling out. She was one of their number one sales people and one month had a pay check for around 18,000.00. That pay check is based mostly on commissions as the basic pay in these places is extremely low, so you can imagine the pressure on the consultant not to mention the dupe who walked into your salon just to inquire. If they didn't sign you that day, they would call and hound you until you did. Once you decided to sign up and said you had to go to your ATM to withdraw money, said consultant would follow you to the ATM to make sure you came back. The problem is, once you forked out RM40,000.00 for treatments most woman did not lose weight, yet time and again they would resign until reality hit them in the face like a stinking fish.

Now a days slimming treatments have become cheaper because of competition. The low prices I see in the newspaper are not really as cheap as they seem. As I mentioned I have worked in slimming salons so I know why they can seem to offer such low prices, but that's beside the point. The point I'm trying to make is that most of the time slimming treatments do not work.

In our society now, woman have no time to exercise or eat healthy and so they want to rely on slimming treatments. They want to believe. Now I ask you do you think you can lose weight by going for your treatment twice a week and still carry on eating your high calorie food and not exercising??? Slimming salons are now becoming smarter wherein they will advise you on food intake and ask you to exercise just to cover their asses when a client comes in and complains they have not lost weight. I have faced many clients, trying to explain to them why they are not losing the pounds. Its not a pretty sight and who can blame them. They think because they paid you all that money the weight should just drop off.

Wake up call ladies, if you want to lose weight and you have no under lying medical condition that causes you to gain weight, the best way to lose is to cut down on those calories and try to get some exercise. Also a good detox twice a month will help to clean out your sluggish system. Another thing don't lie to yourself that you are cutting down on calories because at the end of the day, you may be able to lie to friends and family, but ultimately you can't lie to yourself.

One Week of Hell

So it's already one week since I decided to give up smoking. Oh it's hell. I haven't been totally smoke free but at least I'm down to a few a day. Give me time folks I'm trying I really am.

I was thinking I should try the patch, but I don't think it would work. The thing that gets my motor racing is that first drag when you inhale all the nicotine and carcinogens wow nothing like that feeling. So that's why I don't think the patch would help.

Sure the patch is supposed to help get rid of the cravings but what about the smoke itself? HUH! What about the fact that your holding that butt between your fingers.

My brother in law tried using Xanex and he managed to quit. He said it was actually an anti depressant that has the side effect that you no longer feel like smoking. He told me that 10 years ago when I was in Canada, and I don't know if they have the pill here in Malaysia. I should check it out.

It's times like this I wished I never started in the first place. I have been so focused on quitting that I didn't even realize it has been one week since I entered anything into my blog. Well I've made it this far I'll just have to try harder. Really try for that smoke free day.

I was actually thinking, they should have rehab centres for smokers. What they could do is admit you knock you out for a month, give you a feeding tube so you won't starve and leave you there. Then hopefully once you woke up the craving would be gone. Wouldn't that be nice!!!

There is at least one upside to not smoking (so much) at least I can breath easier and I'm not hacking myself to death at night. I'm even having these weird thoughts of exercise! Horrors! God it's just too healthy for me to think about! I must be hallucinating now.

This Is Hell

So the other day I got to thinking ( I think I shouldn't think too much) that I will be turning 50 this month. Another 20 years from now I will be 70.

Now when your young 20 years seems far away but when you hit 50 , twenty years is not that far off at all. So this means my life is more then half over. So I got to thinking that if I continue to smoke I may not have another 20 years left at all.

Well in my new found wisdom I have decided to quit smoking!!! What my family might say, our mother the die hard smoker, the one who has smoked for 35 years of her life. Yes me and I have to tell you this is HELL!!!!!

I tried cold turkey and its killing me. So even though I have not bought any cigs for the past few days I do have a couple of packs of extra lights from Singapore that Jade brought last time she came home. They are soooo light every time you light it up you just want to throw it away because it really sucks. It's like sucking on air.

I decided on Tuesday to quit so I finished off the ciggies I had left over, the good ones, so that day I smoked 10 cigarettes. Yesterday I smoked 5 of the crapy ones and today who knows. Although I did sneak one of Justin's this morning. I just can't seem to kick the first thing in the morning cigarette. It is the most difficult. Frankly speaking I feel crappy, depressed and I also feel like going out and buying a pack and smoking myself to death right now! No need to wait 20 years to die. I'd happily go now for a decent smoke. Maybe I should try the patch or take a pill . Hopefully as each day goes by it will become easier. I hope so!!!!!