This Is Hell

So the other day I got to thinking ( I think I shouldn't think too much) that I will be turning 50 this month. Another 20 years from now I will be 70.

Now when your young 20 years seems far away but when you hit 50 , twenty years is not that far off at all. So this means my life is more then half over. So I got to thinking that if I continue to smoke I may not have another 20 years left at all.

Well in my new found wisdom I have decided to quit smoking!!! What my family might say, our mother the die hard smoker, the one who has smoked for 35 years of her life. Yes me and I have to tell you this is HELL!!!!!

I tried cold turkey and its killing me. So even though I have not bought any cigs for the past few days I do have a couple of packs of extra lights from Singapore that Jade brought last time she came home. They are soooo light every time you light it up you just want to throw it away because it really sucks. It's like sucking on air.

I decided on Tuesday to quit so I finished off the ciggies I had left over, the good ones, so that day I smoked 10 cigarettes. Yesterday I smoked 5 of the crapy ones and today who knows. Although I did sneak one of Justin's this morning. I just can't seem to kick the first thing in the morning cigarette. It is the most difficult. Frankly speaking I feel crappy, depressed and I also feel like going out and buying a pack and smoking myself to death right now! No need to wait 20 years to die. I'd happily go now for a decent smoke. Maybe I should try the patch or take a pill . Hopefully as each day goes by it will become easier. I hope so!!!!!