Mothers and Children

My daughter came back from Singapore last Thursday night for a visit. She has been working there since July, her first real job since graduating from college. I have missed her and hadn't realized how much until she went back again yesterday afternoon. After she left I felt a big void and the rest of day seem to stretch out into aloness. If I had been working it wouldn't have felt so bad for I would have been busy myself and not have been able to spend much time with her. Her job seems to be going well for her and for this I am grateful. I have 5 kids and I used to think that once they had all grown up and gotten on with their lives I would feel a sense of freedom. After all the years of cleaning up after them, doing their laundry and ironing, getting their asses out of bed for school or work , yelling at them to do their homework, forking out money, the nagging and complaining (on my part) and the tears that have been shed over the years because of them ,I now come to realize I shall miss them all when they leave. This became abundantly clear when she left yesterday. When my husband died it had been the kids that had kept me going through all those terrible days of worry, when all I had wanted to do was curl up in a ball of self pity, but because of the kids I could not do that and so I had to grow a pair of balls and soldier on being both mommy and daddy for them. I still have two left at home but they have become independent because of necessity and because of the years I have spent working. So they are seldom home ,often out doing their own thing. I am proud of my children and know that I have raised good responsible young adults and hopefully one day if I'm lucky I will have grandchildren to help raise.