Turning 50

So Madonna turns 50 today. Everyone says how great she looks for her age. I recently saw an unflatering pictiure of her in the newpaper. Her face is all boney and angular and her body is all ropey and stringy looking, but she's in great shape. Madonna and I have one thing in common, we both turn 50 this year. There the similarity ends. Madonna has the energy to dance around the stage for hours on end during her sell out concerts. I on the other hand can barely climb out of bed. Once up I drag my ass around trying to get the daily chores done. I used to be quite fast at getting things done but no more. Every day there is a new ache in my body and the old ones get more achy. I stopped dying my hair as I get fed up with having to retouch every 6 weeks. So now I go around au natural. People I haven't seen in a while ask me if I've changed my hair color. Nope I answer I've gone back to my roots. My hair is now dark brown, salted with grey and it looks like I have streaks. I don't like to think of it as grey but prefer to think of it as going naturally blonde. My eyebags are huge and no eye cream on this planet can help me. Sometimes friends will tell me how great an eye cream is, and I just tell them that the only thing that can help me now is surgery. I've heard that Preperation H hemmroid cream is good but I haven't been able to find it here in Malaysia. The Draining and Firming Cold gel that my ex company sells is pretty good. It's a slimming cold gel,and one night in a moment of madness I applied a bit to my eye bags and the next morning they had shrunk. It stings like hell but hey anything for beauty right. Then there is the matter of menopause. I started a few years ago and let me tell you it is not fun. Oprah and her panel of experts say that menopause is great that you are entering a new faze of your life embrace it. Rigggght. How do you embrace the mood swings and the crying jags, for no apparent reason. The hot flashes that creap up on you when you least expect them. Its like having extreme heat slowly creap up your body, and then there is the incesant sweating. Oh and look in the mirror and suddenly spot some strange black hair growing on your chin that you keep pulling out, only to spot it again a week later. You look down at your once lovely legs and wonder were the hell did all those veins come from. They weren't there before. The best thing of all though is loss of labido. You become a dried out prune with no interest in sex at all. No wonder men stray when their wives turn 50. Menopause isn't all bad though, you can say what you want and don't give a crap what people think. You can be opinionated and cantankerous, and the best part of all is being free of that visitor that comes every month. Maybe I should start exercising and eating more healthy and quit smoking and drinking. Wait what am I saying I need the smoking and drinking just to get through menopause.